Am I overthinking husband's comments about my appearance and clothes?

[Pennyola]

My husband has made a few remarks about my appearance and clothes that have made me feel a bit uncomfortable. We haven't been married long and I just wanted to ask if I'm overthinking these things? -

• He's talked about my sister being in great shape, and that it's great how she works out so much. (For comparison - I am a normal weight - but definitely not toned!)

• He often says it's important in marriage to keep in shape and 'not let yourself go'. He says this a lot. He says it's not surprising if someone finds a partner less attractive after they put on a lot of weight.

• He told me he doesn't like the jeans I wear, and thinks I look better in other things (he compliments me a lot when i wear skirts and dresses, or dress up). I didn't wear those jeans again, thinking maybe he had a point. (I found other jeans which he likes better).

• He said that when I go to visit his family, he 'wants me looking my absolute best, wearing the very best coats'.

• He has mentioned how women in his family look after their appearance - like his sister in law (who is very thin and exercises a lot) and his mum (a normal weight, buys a lot of nice clothes).

• He compared these women to my mum, who in the past has struggled with her weight. He said she 'doesn't give a shit about her appearance. Look at my mum, then look at yours'. (he was saying this in the context of being critical of my mum about something else).

• He has told me he thinks I need to buy better clothes, and that he doesn't like a jumper that I love wearing. He thinks it's unflattering (it's loose with drapey arms - but I think it's stylish!)

For context, I like putting outfits together and I do care about being well turned out. I like Zara and h&m.

I know it's ok to sometimes let a partner know your preferences when it comes to their style and appearance. But I have been feeling a bit uncomfortable. Am I being too sensitive?

If I have a baby and struggle to lose the baby weight, I'm worried he'll think I'm not 'putting the effort in'.

So, you changed your natural self just to keep your husband happy? That makes me rather sad.

@HyperionWarbonnet love your perspective on this - life is too short to have this kind of nastiness in your home.

i would be tempted wear the jumper and the jeans he didn’t like every day for a month just to mess with him. He’s allowed to have a point of view but if YOU love it, then it stays!

Oh FFS, not every dickhead is a foreigner. So racist.

OP, I've only read your posts - what does H look like? I assume he has the body and face of a Greek God at least?

He sounds like a twat. Start saying stuff about clothes, everytime he says he doesn't like something you're wearing, tell him you're not keen on his outfit either. I couldn't be with a man like that. Does he actually like you as a person or are you just his mannequin ?!

He compared these women to my mum, who in the past has struggled with her weight. He said she 'doesn't give a shit about her appearance. Look at my mum, then look at yours'. (he was saying this in the context of being critical of my mum about something else)

What a fucking cunt. Why did you marry him?

The thing is @Comtesse I'm old. I have worn a groove in the road around the block. I am able to turn a rheumy eye backwards and see where I made mistakes. I was in a similar relationship, twice in fact. I left them both but much much later than I should have and I regret all that time wasted. I wish now, I had stood up for myself and said that they don't get to dictate shit about my life. If they don't like me how I am, they don't like me and this way before the overt criticism that OP is enduring.

Interestingly both men have never been able to keep a woman for any length of time.

With the first one, a workmate (whom I had confided in) said I was to imagine he had a stroke that evening and I was then responsible for his care, how did that make me feel. When the answer was nothing but resentment, I realised I had to get out fast.

With the second, I discovered something about him I could not stomach and was gone that same week.

Self esteem, or more likely, the reluctance to take shit, builds as you age.

Think very, very carefully about having a baby with him. Your body would change and your confidence may dip and he'll be even more critical. Then you'd also be stuck with him forever in your life.
I would secretly give him six months where you note all his negativity versus positivity and consider leaving if it reveals he puts you down more than he supports you.

Dear God, what did you see in the nob head ! He sounds blooming horrid, stuck up, opinionated pig !

I would find these comments seriously off-putting and would start to find him less attractive as a person. It all sounds very shallow, like he doesn't love you genuinely for who you are, but is more concerned with your sexual value as an object and something to show off to his mates.

Love this comment.

Whether consciously or not, he is chipping away at your self esteem. You questioning whether you're being sensitive or not? He's wormed his way through your confidence already and making you question yourself. You're not, his remarks serve only a few purposes, none of them good.

If you don't want to leave him, you need to talk to him. But be very mindful of these kind of comments creeping back in and put a stop to them. He's got issues of his own and he is to undermining you to feel more secure.

Wasn't he like this before you married him. Nasty and controlling glad I'm not married to him or he would get 2 barrels thrown back lol

Great post blaming a woman for a man’s behaviour!!! Maybe he was raised by his Father.

He sounds horrible, he should be supporting you and making you feel good about yourself, not nipping away at your confidence with all these sly and not so sly comparisons to other women. He will get worse. I am sure you look lovely and have good taste, he does not value you the way you deserve

Why on earth did you marry someone who is not kind and supportive ?

You deserve to be with someone who adores you for you, not because of some superficial what you look like.

Have an honest chat with him about his words and actions and be clear that if he doesn't stop then the marriage is over

How much of an Adonis is he?

Is he always immaculate?

Was he like this before you married him?

I don't know why you're all bothering, OP hasn't posted for 12 hours

@HyperionWarbonnet

Love your name and your attitude! Cos are you not supposed to be married thru sickness and health? Not just together for the good times! Rock on!

Divorce him.

That's my advice! What an utter walker he is!

*wanker! Damn auto correct. That's probably male too!!

What the fuck are "the very best coats". That's a weirdly prim thing to say and the way a very elderly person would think.
Not sexy.

Words fail me, they really do.

No. I'm lazy and need to be reminded sometimes to be a bit tidier when in public. If he truly overstepped the mark I'd tell him to frig off.