How did you find out your dh or dp were cheating?

[Losforwords]

As the title says, I am just curious really as I have a really strong gut feeling but no firm evidence.

What was the prescription for? Which cream?

@ArcaneWireless An email to his mum ?? :-O she knew?

Not only knew.. encouraged it.

Best mate of his sister. A concerted effort from the pair of them and he was sweet enough to oblige apparently…

he came home with skincare from a brand only available in a certain store but said they were samples at his work place. I knew that was impossible but I brushed it off. It came with directions which had been hand written and he tried to say his colleague had written them down.
we have skincare products at home and he never had shown any interest in skincare products before.

I questioned again when he was going away on a lads trip and he had a travel pillow and other bits delivered to work instead of home. We have been away many many times and he has never used a travel pillow so this stood out to me. Also, my husband doesn’t do online shopping. If he ever needs something ordering he would ask me to do so.

he also had a strange smell sometimes when he would come home. It wasn’t a perfume or anything nice. Just a really strange smell that just didn’t smell like him.

he came clean when his phone rang infront of me but he cut the call off and lied it was his best friend. I had inklings to this point which he always denied. So I simply asked him who she was and he came clean.

Oh and when he came back from that lads holiday, I had asked him to pick up some bits from duty free. He had bought double of everything and said they were his friends sisters things and he had bought the same as him. At the time I didn’t question it and then a few days later remembered his friend doesn’t even have a sister lol.

He told me himself when he was drunk, didn't actually realise that he'd did it - until he had a letter from my solicitors when I divorced him for adultery.

Locked phone (I used to answer business calls and no longer could), locked iPad. It wasn't until after he walked out that so many things slotted into place and it didn't take me long to work out, or for people to tell me things (who had been conflicted about doing so). It was an incredibly painful time that I've struggled to come to terms with. Looking back, I was an absolute mug. He must have been laughing at me for years. He was a prolific cheat and I didn't have a clue.

I found a postcode of a hotel on my car satnav. It was after the event, he had gone, but I had been ill and we had a baby and he went off to shag OW instead. A Prince he was 🙄

This thread is so interesting

Years ago I had an ex who cheated, he used to call and text non stop, we’d been together 2 years, didn’t live together, one friday when I’d finished a long day at work I’d realised I’d not heard from him, tried calling and no answer, sent off a text and thought he’d just worked late and that was it… went about my business and still hadn’t heard anything by 10pm. He worked with an agency so worked around. By midnight I was worried sick, he finally called and said he was getting stalked by someone who fancied him. ( a guy, he’s not gay) he was whispering, I didn’t think anything of it as said he was at home and lived with 4 other guys in a house share, we finished phonecall and I was content enough to go to sleep, So then Saturday came around, I went to work, came home, same thing, no good morning text, no replies, I then got really worried, thought something had happened, he also rode a motorbike so more added worry.. I remember he’d saved his bank details on my phone in case of emergency…. Bad mistake on his part, my incessant need to investigate logged into his bank to see he’d withdrawn money from a local hotel atm ( one that we had used several times) Friday afternoon and Saturday afternoon…. I checked that at 2am as I was sick with worry, I couldn’t sleep and finally at 7 am I jumped on the tube, to the hotel, waited in the lobby until checkout time…. No idea if he was still there… low and behold he walks out of the lift holding some girls hand. He spotted me and power walks out and I follow, not wanting to make a scene in a hotel full of people ( I’m not one for attention) we had it out around the back of the hotel out of earshot… she stood there and didn’t say a word, so either she knew he had a girlfriend or she didn’t care… by the time I’d got home after walking for miles, I needed to clear my head, he’d changed our holiday booking to her name and wasn’t gonna pay me my half back, his grandma paid it into my account. We were very close, she was not impressed with him whatsoever… I guess karma is a bitch because apparently the girl broke her ankle on a water slide on the holiday… apparently they only lasted 4 months… he did break my heart, I was 17 and in love… been with DP since October of that same year… 2 kids and 20 years later…

Just remembered something else, after he left, telling me family life wasn't for him and he needed to find himself, he sent me a text by mistake which read "don't worry, she'll never find out, you're my world now". When I asked if he'd meant that for me he sent me a row of question marks. OW's mate also looked me up on LinkedIn weeks before he left. They still denied it. They stuck solidly to the story that they'd bumped into eachother the day before he moved in with her and it was "instant". Of course all this happened after he left me. They thought we were all born yesterday 🙄

f

I found her payslip that he had picked up by mistake and brought home.

An email arrived on his phone when he was out of the room from the OW telling him what she'd like to be doing to him at that moment in time. I just happened to glance at it and read it. Felt sick to my stomach. He admitted everything. His phone didn't survive the night as I threw on the floor in disgust.

There'd been weeks of 'I no longer think I love you', and finding fault with everything I did. I felt that I must be an absolute monster.

He showed up at our Date with her! She insisted she wanted to come with him, and he ran out of excuses to tell her in order for her to stay home.
Pig would have been better off just cancelling our date.

He started talking to me like I was the biggest arsehole he'd ever met. Lots of work trips cropped up and I got very detailed accounts of why he had no signal etc. Long trips to the gym.

The final "work trip", I just knew it was bullshit. I went through his phone and the silly sod had deleted everything but his sent emails. There it was, loads of declarations of love and thanking her for last night. Still not sure why email was the channel of choice. Anyway that was the end of our 10 year relationship and I started my life as a single parent - now rocking it although the first year was the most stressful period of my life, dealing with the betrayal, worry and finances.

One bf from him using my laptop and clearing the entire history EXCEPT for the site he was using to cheat 🤦‍♀️

One bf from texts on his phone

One bf because he screamed at me that he'd shagged his ex during an argument

They are all very much in the past now.

Sudden change of routine, less available when I called, changed my name in their phone (had been a pet name) and a really strong gut instinct. Eventually I looked in the bin on his photos on his phone and found photos of them having sex...

My ex-h told me because he said he felt guilty!! Didn't stop him carrying on with it though. I had no clue. If I'd been on Mumsnet then I would have known. All the classic signs, going to the gym, wanting to go clubbing, staying out late with his "new friends from work". I had such faith in him that I was glad he was making new friends!!

They really are such walking cliches.

Not me but a work colleague. Back in pre-mobile days when phones were landlines and messages were left on answering machines. While she was away for a couple of days the OW called her husband at home. He picked up the phone but didn't realise the answering machine had already kicked in and was recording. My colleague got back from her trip, played the messages and there was their conversation. She'd had no idea.

I know people say about gut instincts and knowing something isn't right but my paranoid ex used to accuse me on a weekly basis of being unfaithful. I wasn't.

I found out when the cheat's son saw a message flash up on the cheat's phone and decided to do the decent thing and tell me. Out of context, the message could have been explained away, but the context was that the cheat had been behaving differently and distancing himself for a while, and I was already fairly certain something was up.

I was about ready to end the relationship anyway because of how neglected and unwanted I was feeling. The problem was that I would have been made to feel like it was all in my head. I am eternally grateful that the cheat wasn't able to gaslight me into thinking he was blameless and that I was the entire problem. Far from getting away with not looking like the bad guy, the people the cheat most wanted to fool know he is a devious, cowardly shitbag. After I dumped him, I was over it in 2 days. I'd already been going through the stages of grief for the best part of a year, so there was only acceptance to go.

The oddest telltale, only made sense a long time afterwards. The cheat completely fell out with his family over their racist views and comments (I hadn't witnessed any views or comments myself). Prior to this, he had operated a policy of simply ignoring it. It was so sudden, and I did think it was strange at the time. It later turned out the OW was from a different ethnic group.

After being asked to stay with my family (whilst he had time to ‘think’ about the engagement he suddenly went cold on), I went back the house to collect some more clothes and found two dirty wine glasses in the kitchen, and another woman’s makeup bag on my dresser.

I found an email on our family iPad from my best friend to my exh with a link to a hotel saying ' just sending this now whilst I think of it xx' I couldn't figure it out and at first thought she was just recommending a hotel to him. Then I saw the date and the penny dropped. She had been away on a 'uni reunion' that weekend and he had been away 'playing golf'. They had been together.

He denied it for a while then partially admitted it. I told them they must tell her husband who I was also friends with. It turned out he already knew, as did a few of our mutual friends, and he had been begging them to stop for a year and kept being told they would-but they didn't.

So it had been going on for a year plus, and everyone knew but me. We had been away as s group during that time and I'd seen her several times a week-we were very close I thought.

It was devastating and it took me a good 5 years to even begin to get over it.And still now I'm very careful about who I trust as a friend and before I met now DH, as anything else!