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Original poster

Guy i’m seeing thinks women can trap men

121 replies

Reallyl · 03/06/2023 10:07

I’ve been seeing a guy for about 7 months, we’re serious together and have both been tested for STD’s because we wanted to stop using condoms. I have the coil.

We got into a discussion yesterday where he was saying he thought if men have sex without condoms, without checking if a woman is on contraception, she gets pregnant and keeps the baby, she has trapped him.

We recently had unprotected sex together, so I asked him if i fell pregnant and decided to keep the baby that was trapping him. He said yes most definitely, he argued that there I could have an abortion ( I’m pro choice, but having had a painful one in the past, emotionally and physically I would never again).

I feel really disappointed with him, he is essentially saying rather than wearing a condom he would rather me go through a procedure. I am on the coil but I told him no more unprotected sex from here on out. I thought he was a great guy but i am second guessing because accidents do happen

OP posts:
Newusernameaug · 03/06/2023 10:08

He’s telling you who he is 🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏼🏃‍♂️🚩🚩🚩

Clymene · 03/06/2023 10:09

Don't stop using condoms. Or better still, bin him off

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/06/2023 10:09

Prove him wrong and “release” him.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/06/2023 10:10

Bin this man and raise your relationship bar a lot higher going forward.

DisgustedOfTidmouth · 03/06/2023 10:10

Men are responsible for 100% of unwanted pregnancies.

Wear that red flag like a cape and superwoman out of there!

Sparklfairy · 03/06/2023 10:11

Tell him he can have his own procedure - it's called a vasectomy - instead of trying to dictate what procedures you have on your body.

I'm a firm believer that you take responsibility for your OWN contraception if you don't want kids. That includes men. And it also includes men even if the woman is already using her own contraception. If they don't want kids, then it's condoms or the snip.

In a parallel universe, if men had all the responsibility and choice of contraception like us women do now, I'd still use my own as well.

determinedtomakethiswork · 03/06/2023 10:12

In the bin he goes. Any man who uses abortion as contraception isn't someone you need in your life.

Sparklfairy · 03/06/2023 10:13

Wait, I missed this bit: without checking if a woman is on contraception

What the actual fuck. This guy is a loser, palming off any responsibility at all.

cantcopenow · 03/06/2023 10:13

determinedtomakethiswork · 03/06/2023 10:12

In the bin he goes. Any man who uses abortion as contraception isn't someone you need in your life.

Yep bye Felipe 👋

Timeforabiscuit · 03/06/2023 10:14

You can communicate that you're not happy at all taking all the "risk" of an unplanned pregnancy, so back to condoms it is.

As to trapping, are you not working towards a partnership? When can you start to trust each other with the big stuff, unemployment, grief, illness? It's not just an unplanned pregnancy, there is a tipping point where you actually have each others back in a serious committed relationship - talk of trapping isn't in line with this.

Catchasingmewithspiders · 03/06/2023 10:16

We got into a discussion yesterday where he was saying he thought if men have sex without condoms, without checking if a woman is on contraception, she gets pregnant and keeps the baby, she has trapped him.

What he is telling you here is he is the type of person who doesnt take responsibilities for his own life choices and mistakes and instead seeks to blame the nearest person, preferrably a woman, rather than sort himself out.

This goes futher than contraception. He will be permanently immature and unreliable because you cannot grow and evolve without learning from your mistakes.

AmandaHoldensLips · 03/06/2023 10:16

If men don't want to run the risk of getting a woman pregnant, they need to take their own precautions.

You could offer to vasectomise him which ought to fix the issue.

Thebigblueballoon · 03/06/2023 10:16

Sooooo… you have unprotected sex with a man, happen to get pregnant, and it’s 100% a trapping attempt by the woman?! And she should just have an abortion, no questions asked?

This guy is a grade A knobhead. Run like the wind.

ZenNudist · 03/06/2023 10:18

Thank goodness you found out what a nob he is before wasting any more time with him. Ditch.

And in case you don't, it's back to condoms...

Can't believe he'd rather you had an abortion than he wear a condom. What a douche.

Chowtime · 03/06/2023 10:19

He's a knobhead no doubt about it. Bin him. If he doesn't want a kid he can wear a condom.

Saying that - a shocking number of mumsnetters do seem to have "contraception failures" (usually to men with lots of assets).

gardenweed · 03/06/2023 10:19

He doesnt sound very nice.

Nutellaonall · 03/06/2023 10:22

Abortions are still technically illegal for social reasons in the UK. So a man that asks a woman to have an abortion because “ he” doesn't want the baby is breaking the law.
Abortions are allowed if continuing the pregnancy will affect the woman's mental health. It is to protect us from men forcing us into abortions.

Naunet · 03/06/2023 10:22

So he thinks men should be able to have sex, without using contraception and then walk away? Does he not know how babies are made? Why does he think he has a right to put his sperm into a woman’s vagina, and then absolve himself of the inevitable result? What a prick.

Original poster
Reallyl · 03/06/2023 10:22

It’s so crazy to me. He has seemed emotionally intelligent, I told him before we stopped using condoms about my abortion.

So he knew my stance and went along with it anyway, if i fell pregnant then he says because I kept the baby I trapped him. I don’t actually know what I would do.

OP posts:
thenightsky · 03/06/2023 10:24

Urgh. I had one of these many, many years ago. I said.. 'why would I want to trap you? I'd be stuck with you forever then.'

Naunet · 03/06/2023 10:25

Reallyl · 03/06/2023 10:22

It’s so crazy to me. He has seemed emotionally intelligent, I told him before we stopped using condoms about my abortion.

So he knew my stance and went along with it anyway, if i fell pregnant then he says because I kept the baby I trapped him. I don’t actually know what I would do.

Well I’d argue that by putting his sperm in your vagina, he’d be trapping you. You need to ditch this irresponsible misogynist. I’m so sorry he’s only just shown his true colours.

WandaWonder · 03/06/2023 10:26

Wasn't there a discussion started recently about tricking a man into them getting pregnant?

3peassuit · 03/06/2023 10:26

He’s told you who he is. Do you want to be in a serious relationship with a man who held that opinion?

Thoughtful2355 · 03/06/2023 10:26

The thing is sometimes even when a pregnancy is planned they still think the woman is trapping him.

Also condoms and contraception isn't 100% so if it fails it's you trapping them because you didn't have an abortion. It's wrong

Tina221 · 03/06/2023 10:28

He doesn’t sound like a decent person. Dump him.

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