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Original poster

Guy i’m seeing thinks women can trap men

121 replies

Reallyl · 03/06/2023 10:07

I’ve been seeing a guy for about 7 months, we’re serious together and have both been tested for STD’s because we wanted to stop using condoms. I have the coil.

We got into a discussion yesterday where he was saying he thought if men have sex without condoms, without checking if a woman is on contraception, she gets pregnant and keeps the baby, she has trapped him.

We recently had unprotected sex together, so I asked him if i fell pregnant and decided to keep the baby that was trapping him. He said yes most definitely, he argued that there I could have an abortion ( I’m pro choice, but having had a painful one in the past, emotionally and physically I would never again).

I feel really disappointed with him, he is essentially saying rather than wearing a condom he would rather me go through a procedure. I am on the coil but I told him no more unprotected sex from here on out. I thought he was a great guy but i am second guessing because accidents do happen

OP posts:
MumsPett · 03/06/2023 10:29

Honestly? I think a lot of men feel this way. I have children with my ex and he claimed I trapped him even though we were in a relationship and lived together. I think as far as men see it is you could have had an abortion. Men don’t see them as much as a big deal.

Catchasingmewithspiders · 03/06/2023 10:30

Reallyl · 03/06/2023 10:22

It’s so crazy to me. He has seemed emotionally intelligent, I told him before we stopped using condoms about my abortion.

So he knew my stance and went along with it anyway, if i fell pregnant then he says because I kept the baby I trapped him. I don’t actually know what I would do.

What you do is dump him

This won't be the only mysoginistic thought about women he's ever had

Pixiedust1234 · 03/06/2023 10:32

If you are keeping the man then keep the condoms although personally I would ditch both.

What else does he think you/women are responsible for but he isn't? Cleaning, cooking, parenting...?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 03/06/2023 10:32

Just ditch him, OP. He isn't worth it.

BigTedLittleTedCardboardBox · 03/06/2023 10:32

Have a proper conversation about this and lay it all out. He gets one chance to realise he's a dickhead. If he doesn't change his position and apologise then bin him. He's not a man with reasoning skills.

Dery · 03/06/2023 10:33

“I'm a firm believer that you take responsibility for your OWN contraception if you don't want kids. That includes men. And it also includes men even if the woman is already using her own contraception. If they don't want kids, then it's condoms or the snip.”

This.

And this:

“Well I’d argue that by putting his sperm in your vagina, he’d be trapping you. You need to ditch this irresponsible misogynist. I’m so sorry he’s only just shown his true colours.”

Whether or not you stay is up to you but there’s an opportunity here to educate him that it is his responsibility to protect himself from an unwanted pregnancy, not the woman’s.

Missingmyusername · 03/06/2023 10:35

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/06/2023 10:09

Prove him wrong and “release” him.

^ I agree.

There is a male pill now isn’t there? I personally wouldn’t trust it to work. If you have an upset tummy, it may fail If you really don’t want a baby I would double up my contraception.

Catchasingmewithspiders · 03/06/2023 10:35

Also if you did ever want to have children he's the kind of man who would expect you to fund your maternity leave and pay all the childcare because you 'chose' to have children and he was 'forced' into it

So if you do ever want to have children then you cannot do it with this man.

And if you don't want to have children then you should still find yourself someone who actually respects women as equal human beings not a subspecies.

BleakMostly · 03/06/2023 10:35

He just said whatever he thought you wanted to hear so he could have condom-less sex. He's now let the mask slip and is showing you what he really thinks. He's not worth your time.

Travelfan2021 · 03/06/2023 10:37

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

MaryJean87 · 03/06/2023 10:40

The fact he's talking about an abortion as a trivial thing and as though it's an option for contraception is gross.

Chispazo · 03/06/2023 10:40

Wow. Showing you is true colours. I'm too old to have children now but to be honest, if I could go back in time, I wouldn't want to have sex with a man who if I got pregnant, saw it as my fault, my problem, and that he was the 'victim' of my getting pregnant. The last bf I had when I was in my forties, neither of us wanted a child! but if I'd got pregnant he would have supported me 100% and it was a contrast to the dickheads I'd got entangled with earlier in my life.

It's actual a useful yardstick for you. Are you comfortable with the dynamic that you are potentially the persecutor and he is potentially the victim!? The VICTIM of being father to a child of a woman he was having sex with. Fgs, he needs to grow up. Either take responsibility for his fertility, step out of the drama triangle and wear a condom, or, just accept the repercussions of sex are not YOUR FAULT.

Chispazo · 03/06/2023 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

It's so true. My x would have spouted this sexist trope about women ''trapping men'' but it was very difficult to get away from him. I ''asked'' him if we could split up and he yelled at me that the hell we would split up. So I escaped to my home country and he used the law to control me from then on.

yellowsmileyface · 03/06/2023 10:43

This won't be the only mysoginistic thought about women he's ever had

100% agreed. It's an incredibly misogynistic perspective, which speaks volumes about his views in general. He's probably also the kind of guy who thinks it's common for women to lie about SA to "get back" at a guy.

I agree with others. Release the poor soul if he's so concerned with being trapped.

JamSandle · 03/06/2023 10:44

He doesn't sound like a very nice guy...

SapatSea · 03/06/2023 10:46

@Catchasingmewithspiders I agree. You would never be "forgiven" for getting pregnant and all the costs and work would be on you. A big stick to beat you with!

tanjaav · 03/06/2023 10:47

DisgustedOfTidmouth · 03/06/2023 10:10

Men are responsible for 100% of unwanted pregnancies.

Wear that red flag like a cape and superwoman out of there!

100%, really? Isn't this the other extreme and just as bad as what this man is saying?

I know that some women do trap men this way - there was a colleague who was deliberately lying to her boyfriend because she wanted to get pregnant and get child support so she didn't have to work.

Trust can take time to build in the early days of a relationship. 7 months, though. Something isn't quite right here.

MintJulia · 03/06/2023 10:47

He'll telling you he only cares about himself. Pure & simple. Walk away.

yellowsmileyface · 03/06/2023 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

This is a very good point. Also, you only need to spend 5 minutes on MN to realise how many women feel trapped in their relationship, and many abusive men show their true colors when their partner is pregnant because they consider that she's now stuck with him. Yet, this narrative of women trapping men is quite prevalent in society. Funny that.

TheHouseElf · 03/06/2023 11:02

Sounds like a wake up call to end this relationship. Is this really the man you can see any future with now.

SheilaFentiman · 03/06/2023 11:13

tanjaav · 03/06/2023 10:47

100%, really? Isn't this the other extreme and just as bad as what this man is saying?

I know that some women do trap men this way - there was a colleague who was deliberately lying to her boyfriend because she wanted to get pregnant and get child support so she didn't have to work.

Trust can take time to build in the early days of a relationship. 7 months, though. Something isn't quite right here.

Show quote history

I think what that poster meant was that all pregnancies involve a man (leaving out IVF which by definition is wanted!)

So if he doesn’t want to create a pregnancy, he can avoid it.

WilkinsonM · 03/06/2023 11:16

He's a dick. Bin him off!

Iyiyiiii · 03/06/2023 11:16

Reallyl · 03/06/2023 10:22

It’s so crazy to me. He has seemed emotionally intelligent, I told him before we stopped using condoms about my abortion.

So he knew my stance and went along with it anyway, if i fell pregnant then he says because I kept the baby I trapped him. I don’t actually know what I would do.

For fuck sake, how has your fanny just not instantly dried up with this arsehole!

Iyiyiiii · 03/06/2023 11:17

tanjaav · 03/06/2023 10:47

100%, really? Isn't this the other extreme and just as bad as what this man is saying?

I know that some women do trap men this way - there was a colleague who was deliberately lying to her boyfriend because she wanted to get pregnant and get child support so she didn't have to work.

Trust can take time to build in the early days of a relationship. 7 months, though. Something isn't quite right here.

Show quote history

And some people are murderers, and some people are thieves and some people are violent and some people are racist and some people are paedophiles and some people.............

Mylifeislikeaboatrace · 03/06/2023 11:23

You know exactly what to do, dump him. Or potentially be a single parent with a good for nothing sperm donor.
If he's so anti babies he can use a condom, abstain or get the snip.
Door's that way, close it on the way out.