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Original poster

Guy i’m seeing thinks women can trap men

121 replies

Reallyl · 03/06/2023 10:07

I’ve been seeing a guy for about 7 months, we’re serious together and have both been tested for STD’s because we wanted to stop using condoms. I have the coil.

We got into a discussion yesterday where he was saying he thought if men have sex without condoms, without checking if a woman is on contraception, she gets pregnant and keeps the baby, she has trapped him.

We recently had unprotected sex together, so I asked him if i fell pregnant and decided to keep the baby that was trapping him. He said yes most definitely, he argued that there I could have an abortion ( I’m pro choice, but having had a painful one in the past, emotionally and physically I would never again).

I feel really disappointed with him, he is essentially saying rather than wearing a condom he would rather me go through a procedure. I am on the coil but I told him no more unprotected sex from here on out. I thought he was a great guy but i am second guessing because accidents do happen

OP posts:
ShimmeringShirts · 03/06/2023 11:28

Jump ship, that’s what you do. As PP’s have said he’s waving red flags all over the place.

Quitelikeit · 03/06/2023 11:28

Sorry but women do intentionally get pregnant without the agreement of the man

It has been found to be the case on these boards many times!

It is reasonable for him to assume you are not going to have a baby if you are taking contraception

Basically he should wear a condom with you from here on in as you have made it clear you will keep a baby if you fall pregnant

Many women feel the opposite of those on this thread who are telling you to dump him!

Imagine if it was the other way around and he could get pregnant and screw your life plans up!!

anyway you are clearly not suited so you have both dodged a bullet

frozendaisy · 03/06/2023 11:29

Some women will get pregnant not necessarily to trap a man but to not work, bring up child regardless of if the relationship works.

But OP, you have both clearly discussed and tested regarding your relationship right now and it's clear to me that you are doing everything you can to not get pregnant or pass any STDs between you. So yes some women might, not all and not you.

I would tell him to fuck off with his sweeping generalisations.

Makemyday99 · 03/06/2023 11:30

Yes & no; if a man willingly has sex without checking or assuming that the woman is using some form of contraception then no that’s not trapping him but if a woman intentionally lies that she is on contraception & actively encourages unprotected sex based on the assurance of her contraception & is aware that he does not want children then absolutely that is trapping him. I know a woman who did this & openly admits she lied to get pregnant

Mumuser124 · 03/06/2023 11:34

Well, I wouldn’t agree with the wording but I can see what your DP is saying.

A women has the ultimate decision weather to continue the pregnancy, regardless of what the man feels and then yes, he could find himself trapped in a situation he would rather not be in.

Mumuser124 · 03/06/2023 11:35

Whether

Crikeyalmighty · 03/06/2023 11:39

I don't disagree with him , however he would need to be using condoms if that is his view

PlainJanePerfect · 03/06/2023 11:45

Sure but then if you kept it and didn't put him on the BC and facilitate their relationship you'd be some harpy bitch. He's got a thing against women. Throw him back in the pond.

Stripedbag101 · 03/06/2023 12:13

I often wonder why women marry men like this and have children.

he is clearly a sexist prick. If you stay together and have children in the future I guarantee he will leave all the work to you. He will prioritise his career over yours, his mum will probably be a bitch to you and he won’t stand up for you. He will do nothing around the house and will think washing his own car makes him a hero and equal contributed to the running of the house. When you separate he will do everything he can to get out of paying child support.

honestly - why do so many women ignore the early warning signs?

1037370E · 03/06/2023 12:44

Why were you having unprotected sex with him, that makes no sense (misses the point of the thread).

SheilaFentiman · 03/06/2023 12:49

1037370E · 03/06/2023 12:44

Why were you having unprotected sex with him, that makes no sense (misses the point of the thread).

Because they have been together 7 months and she has a coil now

SheilaFentiman · 03/06/2023 12:50

It’s in the first sentence of the OP. Reasonably common to use condoms initially, test for STIs and then use other contraception

SheilaFentiman · 03/06/2023 13:02

“t is reasonable for him to assume you are not going to have a baby if you are taking contraception

Basically he should wear a condom with you from here on in as you have made it clear you will keep a baby if you fall pregnant “

She is using the coil, sometimes this fails. She is not trying for a baby but it is NOT reasonable for a man to assume a woman using contraception will have an abortion if that contraception fails.

So yes, if he wants further peace of mind he can use a condom or avoid PIV.

Thesharkradar · 03/06/2023 13:04

Of course women can trap men, I could trap a cockroach but why would I want to?
He's just trying to gaslight you into thinking that he's a catch🤣

Naunet · 03/06/2023 13:05

Crikeyalmighty · 03/06/2023 11:39

I don't disagree with him , however he would need to be using condoms if that is his view

You don’t disagree with him?! You think men have a right to have unprotected sex, not ask the woman if she’s using any contraception, and then claim she trapped him of she gets pregnant?! Is he trapping her too, or is that different for some reason?

Catchasingmewithspiders · 03/06/2023 13:11

1037370E · 03/06/2023 12:44

Why were you having unprotected sex with him, that makes no sense (misses the point of the thread).

She has a coil.

What he is saying is that if the coil fails and she refused to have an abortion she will have deliberately tricked him into having a child

Given the only 100% reliable form of contraception is abstinence and he very clearly believes he should be allowed to have sex even if he doesn't want a child, what he actually is is forced choice, rather than pro choice. With a sexist view that contraceptive failures are always a woman's fault, and contraceptives are always a womens responsibility even if the man forgets about them.

Catchasingmewithspiders · 03/06/2023 13:11

1037370E · 03/06/2023 12:44

Why were you having unprotected sex with him, that makes no sense (misses the point of the thread).

She has a coil.

What he is saying is that if the coil fails and she refused to have an abortion she will have deliberately tricked him into having a child

Given the only 100% reliable form of contraception is abstinence and he very clearly believes he should be allowed to have sex even if he doesn't want a child, what he actually is is forced choice, rather than pro choice. With a sexist view that contraceptive failures are always a woman's fault, and contraceptives are always a womens responsibility even if the man forgets about them.

Clementineorsatsuma · 03/06/2023 13:18

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/06/2023 10:09

Prove him wrong and “release” him.

Excellent answer!

bengalcat · 03/06/2023 13:22

One to release !

aloris · 03/06/2023 14:42

No contraception is 100% effective. If a man is having intercourse with a woman of childbearing age, there is always a possibility of pregnancy. Technically, if a woman gets pregnant, it's the man who "caused" the pregnancy because without his sperm she would not get pregnant (the egg doesn't fertilize itself).

IMO men who think this way are just using women as objects to ejaculate in. How dare that object get pregnant. It's very transactional and ick.

Mom2K · 03/06/2023 15:08

*Tell him he can have his own procedure - it's called a vasectomy - instead of trying to dictate what procedures you have on your body.

I'm a firm believer that you take responsibility for your OWN contraception if you don't want kids. That includes men. And it also includes men even if the woman is already using her own contraception. If they don't want kids, then it's condoms or the snip.

In a parallel universe, if men had all the responsibility and choice of contraception like us women do now, I'd still use my own as well.*

All of this!

Though that being said, I wonder what he'd think if he had a vasectomy and still got someone pregnant. It does happen, I know someone who fathered his fourth child with his wife after a vasectomy (so during the cesarean birth, the wife then also got her tubes tied). I bet your bf would think the woman cheated.

Anyway, he is a twat who won't take responsibility for his own birth control and instead would rather cast blame and unfair expectations should something happen. Dump. Dump fast.

Namechangeed · 03/06/2023 15:11

He belongs in the bin

Mom2K · 03/06/2023 15:21

It is reasonable for him to assume you are not going to have a baby if you are taking contraception

This is not a reasonable assumption at all. Abortion (if contraception fails) is a huge thing to consider both physically and emotionally. A man would have to be a completely selfish idiot to consider an abortion as a form of contraceptive.

I emphatically do not want any more children. But I 100% (pro life) could not abort the baby if an accident occurred. I don't think emotionally I would be able to get over making that decision.

If he can't deal with the possibility of pregnancy, especially if he doesn't take his own measures to prevent it (but even then there is still a failure rate with contraceptives), he shouldn't be having sex. His views are disgusting.

cassiatwenty · 03/06/2023 15:28

Newusernameaug · 03/06/2023 10:08

He’s telling you who he is 🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏼🏃‍♂️🚩🚩🚩

🔪🙏🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️

Makemyday99 · 03/06/2023 15:28

Reality is in any relationship that is beyond ons or fwb if no babies are imminently wanted then the woman goes on contraception (I don’t know of anyone who chose differently over the course of my adult life) if I she then decided to come off effective contraception without telling him & got pregnant then she is absolutely trapping him. Silly comments about vasectomies…seriously no woman would have her tubes tied as a contraceptive