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Original poster

What’s fair

122 replies

Hetti1 · 31/05/2023 12:38

im just wanting some views or advice on the following!- been in a relationship for 2 years, I have 2 children from a previous relationship. I have my own house (no mortgage) partner has his own house (with mortgage.

we never had a conversation about moving in but he now only spends about 2 nights a month at his own house

I’ve asked for a contribution towards gas and electric and he just said “I’ve still got all the bill to pay at my house”, he will buy food now and then and when we go out it’s pretty evenly split. Is it unreasonable to ask for a contribution towards gas and electric? I don’t ask him for any money towards any other bills. He has no children and on twice as much as me per year. I also do all the housework

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 31/05/2023 12:40
  1. Why do you do all the housework?
  1. Why doesn't he just move in? What's the point in his paying bills on an empty house?

But aside from that, tbh, he doesn't sound very nice at all. It sounds like he just wants a free maid.

NectarCard · 31/05/2023 12:43

I’ve still got all the bill to pay at my house

which be be relatively less in some cases because he isn’t there. He’s got the luxuries of you doing all the housework too.

Send him home.
You haven’t had a conversation about moving in, but he has moved in. Sly

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 31/05/2023 12:43

Ask him to compare bills with you. In black and white he can surely see he is a fucking sponger?

WhineWhineWhineWINE · 31/05/2023 12:44

He may be paying bills at his own house, but the utilities should be lower for him as he's over at your house making your bills bigger. Unless your spending equal time in each other's homes, then he's just costing you extra money. If he doesn't see that, I'd be inclined to send him home.

Original poster
Hetti1 · 31/05/2023 12:46

arethereanyleftatall · 31/05/2023 12:40

  1. Why do you do all the housework?
  1. Why doesn't he just move in? What's the point in his paying bills on an empty house?

But aside from that, tbh, he doesn't sound very nice at all. It sounds like he just wants a free maid.

He says he’s keeping his house as a pension. I had a meltdown last night and said “I’m sick of doing everything in this house, you’ve never cleaned the toilet or hoovered the floor not once etc and he just goes quiet and nothing changes.

I feel like I just need to be honest and ask him to move back to his house and that be his main base. I’m finding living with him is just adding to my workload and stress dramatically, even when I say “I wouldn’t mind a night to myself tonight just as it’s been hectic with work kids” he takes it so personally

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 31/05/2023 12:49

Do that then op. A relationship is supposed to make you happier. If it doesn't, and there's no kids/finances/other involved, then change it/end it.

WhineWhineWhineWINE · 31/05/2023 12:50

Put your foot up his arse and send him home. He is making your life harder and making no attempt to fix that. Let him take it personally, because he should!

Original poster
Hetti1 · 31/05/2023 12:50

NectarCard · 31/05/2023 12:43

I’ve still got all the bill to pay at my house

which be be relatively less in some cases because he isn’t there. He’s got the luxuries of you doing all the housework too.

Send him home.
You haven’t had a conversation about moving in, but he has moved in. Sly

I agree with this, the amount he will have save with gas and electric will be a lot. I said “I can’t afford to sub you living here even if you do have bills to pay at yours, you can’t actually think it’s reasonable to not contribute anything”. Also he got banned from driving so I’ve had to drive us everywhere for the past 2 years, no offer towards petrol money in the whole time

OP posts:
WhineWhineWhineWINE · 31/05/2023 12:51

Bloody hell it gets worse! He's really taking the piss isn't he?

Original poster
Hetti1 · 31/05/2023 12:52

arethereanyleftatall · 31/05/2023 12:49

Do that then op. A relationship is supposed to make you happier. If it doesn't, and there's no kids/finances/other involved, then change it/end it.

I agree, I can literally feel myself getting more and more worn out as I’m looking after an extra person, I know I should be a bit stronger as previous relationships people have taken advantage in similar ways

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 31/05/2023 12:53

This man has no respect for you, op, and this dynamic is an absolutely horrible example for your kids. Tell the useless sponger to fuck off. End it and move on.

GoalShooter · 31/05/2023 12:53

Put your foot down OP and kick his lazy arse back to his own house. Maybe him staying at yours 2 nights a week or something like that would work?

arethereanyleftatall · 31/05/2023 12:53

Oh fgs op, after your third message.

Why, why, why do you tolerate this? Why? What is society doing to women that they will put up with any old scum man just to be in a relationship?

Aquamarine1029 · 31/05/2023 12:55

I know I should be a bit stronger as previous relationships people have taken advantage in similar ways

YOU ALLOW THIS. Just fucking stop already. Stop being in a relationship if you're incapable of swerving shitty men. Get rid of this twat and do some serious work on yourself.

AhNowTed · 31/05/2023 12:55

His energy bills will be tiny since he's not using it. He's using yours!

He has it sweet OP.

No running costs and a ready cook and maid.

Original poster
Hetti1 · 31/05/2023 12:55

arethereanyleftatall · 31/05/2023 12:53

Oh fgs op, after your third message.

Why, why, why do you tolerate this? Why? What is society doing to women that they will put up with any old scum man just to be in a relationship?

Thing is I’m quite happy being on my own, I’ve finished it so many times but he will just turn up and is extremely persuasive, I need to get my act together

OP posts:
AhNowTed · 31/05/2023 12:57

And no transport costs either!

Ah come on OP this is ridiculous.

NectarCard · 31/05/2023 12:57

OP with every message you seem to be answering your own question.
you can do it :)

arethereanyleftatall · 31/05/2023 12:58

You got this op 💪x

FloweryWowery · 31/05/2023 12:59

Your children are watching you skivvying for this cocklodger.

bjrce · 31/05/2023 13:01

Thing is I’m quite happy being on my own, I’ve finished it so many times but he will just turn up and is extremely persuasive, I need to get my act together.

So why don't you tell him to go home, He doesn't need to stay at yours all the time. Are you also feeding him and paying for all food?

TBH, you only have yourself to blame. Yo don't even need to break up with him. Just tell him to go home.
2 nights a months at his own place. He is taking the piss!

AhNowTed · 31/05/2023 13:03

Buys food now and again - so your feeding him as well!

And he had the BRASS NECK to refuse a contribution to your power bill.

Fucking hell.

AhNowTed · 31/05/2023 13:07

So you're -
Feeding him
Heating him
Providing hot water and utilities
Driving him
Cleaning up after him
Cooking for him

And the tight wad refuses a fair contribution.

What's he doing for you?

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 31/05/2023 13:11

He is using you and saving money. Get rid of him. You children need you, this man is taking advantage of you.

LittleOwl153 · 31/05/2023 13:16

Think about what your kids are seeing of you in this relationship. Is it what you would want for them in the future?

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