What’s fair

[Hetti1]

im just wanting some views or advice on the following!- been in a relationship for 2 years, I have 2 children from a previous relationship. I have my own house (no mortgage) partner has his own house (with mortgage.

we never had a conversation about moving in but he now only spends about 2 nights a month at his own house

I’ve asked for a contribution towards gas and electric and he just said “I’ve still got all the bill to pay at my house”, he will buy food now and then and when we go out it’s pretty evenly split. Is it unreasonable to ask for a contribution towards gas and electric? I don’t ask him for any money towards any other bills. He has no children and on twice as much as me per year. I also do all the housework

To answer your direct question... In terms of fair....

1/3rd (takes into account your kids and his own bills I think!) of ALL household bills - gas, electricity, water, Internet/phone (I assume he's paying council tax where he 'lives' and you are paying single person?)

ALL the costs of additional car journeys he is causing you. Work out your annual mileage divide car costs such as insurance and maintenance by this, and add petrol costs.

Be careful if you are claiming any benefits OP as 28 nights a month would be classed as him living with your benefit purposes. (If he earns £50k then it will affect child benefit too.)

But I agree with everyone else... get rid! He can take you out on a date night once in a while if he must...

Relationships are voluntary. It sounds like you don't want to be in this one anymore - so end it.

Do you delete and block him each time you end it?

End it OP. He is taking money from you and your SC and he does not care.

Block and delete. Do not let him in if he comes around. Refuse to answer the door. Write a list of reasons why he is no good for you and keep it on your phone and on the fridge. Plan a lovely treat with the money you save.
If he won’t leave you alone tell him you will call the police and follow through.

He is a horrible excuse of a man and you deserve so much more

Little update, so I’ve just had a conversation with him and said I think you should move home because of blah blah blah, we have the same argument all the time as we both have opposing views

and he said “well tell me how much money you want a month”

you know what ladies, I don’t even think it’s about money anymore I just don’t think I want to be in this relationship.

i want to say Thankyou to all of you above who replied, I know what I have to do, oh my god wish me luck 🫣

What a CF! Hes set for life hey with you skivvying after him! Kick him to the kerb. Suddenly now youve said no more, hes willing to compromise and pay?? Too late

You don't need luck @Hetti1 , you're doing brilliantly.

I put up with this kind of shit for years, with many people. Look at you making sense of it and taking action!

Exactly, it is too late. It shouldn’t take an ultimatum for someone to offer to contribute, the last time I ended it I blocked him on everything and he knocked on the door and waited for an hour outside continuously knocking.

thing is, at the end of the conversation I said no I think you need to move back home and it’s like he hasn’t heard what I’ve said and is currently sat on my sofa watching the tele

“I feel like I just need to be honest and ask him to move back to his house and that be his main base. I’m finding living with him is just adding to my workload and stress dramatically, even when I say “I wouldn’t mind a night to myself tonight just as it’s been hectic with work kids” he takes it so personally”.

i haven’t read the whole thread but I think you’ve answered your own question.

Thankyou so much for those words! I’m so sorry you have been through previous shitty relationships 😓

Oh, just read rest of thread and seen the update. Wishing you all the best.

You might have to threaten him with the police if he's got form for harassing his way back in and refuses to leave.

Thankyou, and I’ve just read your response and I do think I answered my own question. My logical brain is defo like this is rediculous situation and he’s taking the piss but my heart is like I really don’t want to hurt his feelings. Pathetic really!

He thinks your initials are ATM op. Turn the TV off and tell him he needs to hurry up and leave as you are going out. Make sure he leaves any keys. And block his number

Keep going, Op. You have made the right choice.

Stick to your guns op. Keep repeating and get his house keys back. Frame it as you need some space if you have to to get him out. Dont give in. You can do this 💪

Why is he still sitting there when you've told him to go back home? Tell him to take his things and get out now.

Kick him off the sofa and out of the door. This cocklodger is taking food out of your kid's mouths and is only willing to contribute when given an ultimatum. He will soon move in by stealth with some other single mum and start robbing her and her kids blind.

Ask for your key back and tell him you need some time to think about the future.

his pension?! How nice!!!

send him a bill for at least 2k

How are things op?

What is he like with your children, OP?

Actually, never mind what he's like with the children.

Has he gone yet or is he still watching telly?

And why isn't he at work, anyway?

Well I decided to take a week off this week with it being half term and just to have some time with the kids then on Tuesday night he said “I’m taking Wednesday and Thursday off holiday”. The kids go to their dads for one night tommroe night and it’s the only night this week I have all to myself and I just need this time alone.

hes still sat on sofa, my daughters are here so I’m worried it will cause a scene if I ask him to leave now, the conversation we had was out in the garden.

he slept in till 1pm today and I said you are wasting your day off and he said well I now feel depressed after what you’ve said

I agree with what you are saying, I’m just very conscious my children are here at the moment