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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What’s fair

122 replies

Hetti1 · 31/05/2023 12:38

im just wanting some views or advice on the following!- been in a relationship for 2 years, I have 2 children from a previous relationship. I have my own house (no mortgage) partner has his own house (with mortgage.

we never had a conversation about moving in but he now only spends about 2 nights a month at his own house

I’ve asked for a contribution towards gas and electric and he just said “I’ve still got all the bill to pay at my house”, he will buy food now and then and when we go out it’s pretty evenly split. Is it unreasonable to ask for a contribution towards gas and electric? I don’t ask him for any money towards any other bills. He has no children and on twice as much as me per year. I also do all the housework

OP posts:
Baystar · 31/05/2023 19:20

He needs to get gone and you need to stand firm. Pack his bags and If he is refusing to budge and you want space take his keys and drop his stuff off at his place, stay and enjoy the quiet for a bit, phone a relative, friend whoever while you're out and tell them to go to your house and remove him and ask you to message you when hes left. His behaviour would be beyond draining, take back the control, good luck!

AhNowTed · 31/05/2023 19:24

Hetti1 · 31/05/2023 19:19

Oh my god ladies he’s just said “im going for a shower” I nearly shouted up the stairs that’s 50 quid you arsehole

Oh my fucking god.

"Eh, you can shower in your own house, I can't afford to keep you any longer".

OP my own CHILDREN contribute to the household - WILLINGLY!!

Summerhillsquare · 31/05/2023 19:27

But you ARE afraid of him OP, all these things you darent say, and his coercive response. You need back up, call a sturdy friend asap.

Campervangirl · 31/05/2023 19:27

Turn the tap on in the kitchen and scald the fucker 🤣
Going for a shower my arse!
#teamHetti1, you go girl ❤️

Original poster
Hetti1 · 31/05/2023 19:30

Campervangirl · 31/05/2023 19:27

Turn the tap on in the kitchen and scald the fucker 🤣
Going for a shower my arse!
#teamHetti1, you go girl ❤️

😂😂🫣…I’ve got my plan for tommrow, and I’ve just booked a hotel spa thing for the night (I’ve done this whilst he’s having his shower) the key is hidden and I know he will go to the gym tommroe so will pack his stuff up then (there’s not that much here anymore) as last time I packed all his stuff in bin bags and put it in his yard when he was at work

OP posts:
Original poster
Hetti1 · 31/05/2023 19:31

I feel awful doing it this way but it’s fallen on deaf ears so this is the only thing I can resort to

OP posts:
AhNowTed · 31/05/2023 19:35

Hetti1 · 31/05/2023 19:31

I feel awful doing it this way but it’s fallen on deaf ears so this is the only thing I can resort to

He has the hide of a fecking rhino.

I wouldn't worry about he sensibilities.

He clearly doesn't worry about yours.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/05/2023 19:35

Hetti1 · 31/05/2023 19:31

I feel awful doing it this way but it’s fallen on deaf ears so this is the only thing I can resort to

Don't feel awful. He has caused this and he alone. You asked him to leave YOUR house. He didn't. You are absolutely entitled to decide who does or who does not live in your own house!

Crikeyalmighty · 31/05/2023 19:37

I'm afraid there are CFS out there who realise they can sponge off someone lovely and obliging like you and save a ton of cash by doing so.

I'm sure he likes you but knows he's onto a good thing.

Your posts do scream somewhat that it's run it's course and you have seen his true colours and aren't liking what you see so yep I think it has to end.

TheShellBeach · 31/05/2023 19:38

You shouldn't feel guilty about this.
He's a freeloader.
Keep telling yourself that you can spend more on your children once this bloke is gone.

evuscha · 31/05/2023 19:43

I hope it goes smoothly OP, he sounds like he won’t give up easily. Call the police if he continues to knock on the door, that should send him the right message. I can’t believe someone can be this much of a CF.

Original poster
Hetti1 · 31/05/2023 19:44

The support on this thread has been overwhelming, im so so pleased I came on and posted this today, I really am. I’ve poured myself a glass of wine and feel almost relieved that I’ve got a plan

OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 31/05/2023 19:50

By the way I've been there@Hetti1 with a similar situation many years ago. Gave up his business too once he had his feet under the table, as I had quite a good job.

AhNowTed · 31/05/2023 19:50

Hetti1 · 31/05/2023 19:44

The support on this thread has been overwhelming, im so so pleased I came on and posted this today, I really am. I’ve poured myself a glass of wine and feel almost relieved that I’ve got a plan

Great to hear OP.

Think of the time you no longer need to waste on his sorry arse 😂

TheSilveryPussycat · 31/05/2023 19:51

Cheering you on!

Rainbowqueeen · 31/05/2023 20:43

Cheering you on too

Dont forget to block and delete him on all social media as well

CannotDoThisAnymore · 31/05/2023 21:28

Just think, this time tomorrow youll have your house back, just you and the kids. Best of luck. Keep us updated x

randomusername2020 · 31/05/2023 21:38

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Original poster
Hetti1 · 31/05/2023 21:50

He’s just gone bed, I’m going to stay up for a while so he falls asleep. He’s hardly said a word all night so I’ve just been chatting and playing with my kids, to be honest I think I might just sleep with one of the girls in their double beds tonight

OP posts:
Original poster
Hetti1 · 31/05/2023 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

I think I will go stay at my dads on Friday night with the girls, just to be away from the house for a couple of nights

OP posts:
Original poster
Hetti1 · 31/05/2023 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Defo no other keys, it’s not that I am frightened of him, I think I’m just trying to avoid the usual persuasive take me back conversations

OP posts:
randomusername2020 · 31/05/2023 23:21

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

guineacup · 01/06/2023 07:04

caringcarer · 31/05/2023 17:50

My son's gf spends 3 nights at her house each week and DS spends 3 nights at his gf house each week. Both have a cat and can't leave them two nights in a row so they alternate. Could you do this so your utilities are more equal.

You're completely missing the point! This man is clearly a complete cocklodging twat who brings nothjng good to the OP's life. She obviously needs to leave this man, not come up with alternative living arrangements!

sugarrosepetal · 01/06/2023 07:44

Be very careful OP. It sounds like you've got the classic narcissistic personality here and he could turn violent even if he hasn't before. Do not fall for his pity party and call the police if he starts the stalking at your door stuff. Good luck x

Livinghappy · 01/06/2023 08:10

@Hetti1 Good luck, stay firm. He is a leech and manipulative. When he gets angry imagine you are dealing with a toddler tantrum, just repeat you want him to leave.

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