Partner didn’t come to my aid

[Perky1]

A couple of days ago I was walking our dog at dusk down a long country lane. I saw a man walking quickly my way and felt uneasy so stopped to keep an eye on him and Facetimed my partner. I told him I felt scared. Man passed and eventually rounded a corner. I continued the walk and after a while felt he was out the way. Partner was watching TV at time and didn’t offer to come out but asked our son to ride to me on his bike. Son said he didn’t want to. My partner didn’t tell him I was feeling nervous. I kept partner on FaceTime until I was back in our village. I brought this up with him today, that I had felt vulnerable as I was in an isolated spot, I can’t run due to Long Covid cardiac issues and I said the man could have took the dog lead from me and used it to strangle me. Anyway I know I am probably being over anxious about the latter but I felt my partner of 30 years should have popped out to meet me.

The ones who are extremely judgemental about @Perky1

I know nobody really likes their security bubble in life being burst at all ect..

I think it's a case of statistics and not wanting what reality of life can be like for a lot/ some women in this country and world wide experincing first hand or knowing someone or seeing extremely distressing news stories of women who have experienced sexual assault or physical assaulted ect.

It's not like it's Op imagination, that some or a lot , of women experience Nasty stuff , so stop trashing gas lightening mimising some women's lived experinces in life.

I don't mean of course ,obviously all women experince . !

Nothing wrong with just being bit careful safety awareness in life, to take care of yourself,

Being niave and going around with rose 🌹 tinted glasses in life all the time, thinking everyone is lovely ,

not everyone is lovely in life,trust me on this i know what I am talking about. !

It's having a healthy balance mindset is key..

so not living living in continously fearful, but not being so unaware and niave that Arseholes types , in life, take advantage of your nature too.

Rember Sarah Evard murder case , and the Russels family murders ,(walking in a picturesque countryside,
Nicky a young woman and her toddler son walking in London Common with him ect..
she was murdered, he was left to witness his mum's murder and dead body...

@Goodread1 no one is saying everyone is lovely but there's no need to be scared just if someone is walking a bit fast. It's awful what happened to those women but it doesn't happen often fortunately. It's good to be aware of your surroundings and danger but not scared of your own shadow

My bubble is quite a balanced one - I see the worst as I'm a police officer

But I'm also realistic . A man walking fast past someone doe not make a drama . Or at least it shouldn't .

I walk my dogs at 3am down farm tracks after a night shift

M advice would be if you are a nervous person that worries about bumping into people - walk where you know , walk in daylight , walk with a friend , and stick to busy places like parks .

Stranger attacks are thankfully rare .

I also think it's this kind of mentality that causes issues

There was a guy in America recently who shot a 14 year old boy who happened to knock on his dirt at 10pm because he got the address wrong when he was collecting his brother from a play date .

@AnyaMarx Re: balance - I wonder if you know the police officer who told me that ‘there are two sides to every story’ when I reported concerns about a bloke taking photos of my son playing in our garden. His idea of balance was different to mine 🤔 Thanks for tips re: where to walk.

That's not what we are posting about here - or do you want to elaborate?

You were walking and a man walked quickly past you - you were scared and called your partner who didn't come running to your aid

I thought that's what you were asking about in this thread ?

Obviously someone taking photos of a child is something different.

What is it you'd like to discuss here - the man walking past your or a different incident ?

I'm referencing your original post .

You say you are anxious and that come across .

My advice is actually from a good place because if you are so
Anxiety stricken that walking past a man in the street illicit such an extreme reaction I would avoid those situations for my own well being .

Oh and there are 44 police forces with thousands of police officers within them

We don't all know each other .

@AnyaMarx I think I’ll exercise my right to remain silent.

Good idea .

If your instincts are clearly wrong, as was the case here, then yes, don't bother listening to them. What on earth would be the point? How did it help OP?

This.

The trouble is that, time and again, people's instincts have been demonstrated to be absolute rubbish. The fact that there is a sizeable percentage of MN contributors who believe in woo doesn't make it true.

No-one is denying that awful attacks happen. But the vast majority of murdered women are killed by people they know; around 10-12 a year are killed in the UK by strangers. Yes, that's 10-12 too many. But, given that there are millions of occasions during each year when women are passed by men as they walk on their own, the reality is that the likelihood of being strangled by a stranger is minuscule. The risk of death is far greater every time we cross the road, but we don't expect our partners to come out and help us to do so.

"According to the office of National statistics, from March 2021 to March 2022 in England and Wales:

• 798,000 women experienced sexual assault
• 666,000 people experienced violent assault from a stranger"

That's about 0.026% and 0.022% of women/girls. Still too many but gives some perspective.

@tiagra, as the second statistic relates to "people", presumably the percentage of women and girls is even lower?

Apologies, that should read 2.6% and 2.2%
Oh for an edit button.

@CabernetSauvignon

Believing in your intuition, some people call it gut reaction ect, depending on their mindset way of thinking,
is definitely not woo, as you cynically say it !

even in animal kingdom they have the same /similar instinct to protect themselves from harm, predators
it makes sense,

Your intuition is gut reaction primeval instinct, humans have allways had since stone Age,

there's been true life cases of this natural instinct, has alerted people of potential danger ,and they have acted accordingly and protect themselves /other people from harmful situations/people

I suggest do some research look up on youtube Internet and on David Attenborough nature tv programmes on how wildlife act to protect themselves.

Just curious, do you have a link to these stats? All the ones I’ve seen don’t include sexual assault and rape at all, so I’m not convinced it’s even true that men are at a higher risk.

The situation doesnt actually matter, its just how you felt in that moment, and women should never ever ignore their gut instincts - and he didnt come to help. Looking back at my own life, I saw lots of these "signs" in relationships and ignored them only to find they were in the end the thing that brought about the end. There is somethng that lodges deep when this sort of stuff happens, I think.

People on this site constantly want to be so right....to the point they will dismiss what the OP was saying. Its so fkng boring - she felt in danger and that isnt up for debate by you pedants. Are you telling a woman she shouldnt have felt how she felt? Just give it a rest hey.

Oh look a copper who seems jaded and lacking in empathy for the way some people may feel. The fact is women are brought up to fear men and violence because of r*pe culture, misogyny, the media etc. That is why lots of us dont go jogging at night, or we make sure we see our friends home, or we dont walk through a park after dark alone. I mean hell, we cant even trust coppers can we according to recent incididents spanning back years and years so no thanks keep your advice. If you cannot see the bigger picture and all you can offer is WELL I WALK MY DOGS at 3AM then you're either a man, or a robot.

The risk of death is far greater every time we cross the road, but we don't expect our partners to come out and help us to do so.

And neither does the OP…

Neither does she expect her partner to come out when she walks her dog on a regular basis.

She’s posted about his reaction on the one occasion where she felt scared and asked him to come out.

The issue isn’t stats or how often people are attacked or who is at more risk. It’s that whilst doing something she does regularly on this one occasion something felt off so she asked her partner for help and he said no.

@callmeblondee You are spot on! I felt the PC was flexing and being pushy so I tapped out 🤷‍♀️