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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex has thrown paint everywhere

120 replies

Dapps · 14/05/2023 15:17

Hi ladies, this is my first post - please be gentle, I'm a bit emotional to say the least.
I tried to end it with my partner of 7 months last night because he's incredibly jealous and is making me miserable with it. He went off ok but then came back round shouting through the letterbox and banging on the windows, getting louder and louder saying I had his bank card - we both knew I didn't.
So eventually I went out and told him to go and he'd thrown paint from my garden all over my front door and my driveway.
We got into a fight and I called the police. They turned up at 8.30am this morning and I said I didn't want to press any charges, I just wanted them to turn up at the time of the incident and get him to go away.
Now there's paint up the road where he got it under a neighbour's car and it's been driven up the road and I feel absolutely drained and depressed and I'm worried he'll be back. This has to be the end, obviously, but if he comes back again I don't know what to do. Help guys, please xx

OP posts:
cheeseandketchupsandwich · 14/05/2023 15:18

Did the police log it?

Temporaryname158 · 14/05/2023 15:21

You should have pressed charges.

block him on everything. If he returns do not leave the safety of your house dial 999 explaining he has returned. Press charges that time

happysoul23 · 14/05/2023 15:21

The police will have it logged, if he turns up again call 999 and press charges. I had to do it and it's the only thing that protected us.
Have you got a ring doorbell? May be worth getting one.
Stay strong x

Rainbowqueeen · 14/05/2023 15:24

Agree that police should be called as soon as he shows up. Do not go outside.

I would also have your locks changed.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 14/05/2023 15:26

Get a ring doorbell - record him if he tries to do anything.

Original poster
Dapps · 14/05/2023 15:30

Yes, the police logged it. Thanks so much girls, feeling very flaky and anxious. Pathetic I know xxx

OP posts:
fdgdfgdfgdfg · 14/05/2023 15:42

Why the fuck wouldn't you want to press charges?

whynotwhatknot · 14/05/2023 15:43

is there a reason you didnt want te poilice to arrest him

Pixiedust1234 · 14/05/2023 15:43

Next time let the police do their jobs and get him charged.

Change your locks if he ever had a key, and get a ring doorbell or something as backup for proof.

thecatsmeows · 14/05/2023 15:43

Ultimately it's not your decision whether or not the Police 'press charges'...the Police and the CPS will decide.

yellowsmileyface · 14/05/2023 15:47

That sounds so stressful and scary. Well done for realising this isn't a healthy relationship and ending things.

Absolutely don't hesitate to call the police if he returns, and I'd suggest pressing charges if he does anything else. I had a situation where I didn't press charges against an ex because I felt sorry for him and I regret it to this day.

serene12 · 14/05/2023 15:56

Well done for ending the relationship. However ex partners often ramp up the abuse, as they have lost the power and control over you.
If you don’t want to press charges, Women’s Aid will offer you advice and support.

CaffeinateMeNow · 14/05/2023 16:01

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 14/05/2023 15:42

Why the fuck wouldn't you want to press charges?

Same Q.

determinedtomakethiswork · 14/05/2023 16:07

He sounds insane. I'm not pressing charges. You are telling him that he is free to treat you in any way he wants.

tailinthejam · 14/05/2023 16:09

Call the police back and tell them you've changed your mind. Say that you are really frightened of him.

ShowUs · 14/05/2023 16:18

I agree with the ring doorbell.

It was hopefully just a one off moment of madness but if not a ring doorbell is a good idea so you can have proof if he does come back.

I would go and apologise to your neighbours and say you’ll be cleaning it up.

I have no idea how you would clean up paint and I’d be tempted to tell him to come and clean it up/get a professional or you will be pressing charges.

I understand you not wanting him back near your home but I don’t think you should foot the bill.
Just make sure your doors are locked and you have the ring doorbell in place or a friend over before he comes.

mrsblueskyeye · 14/05/2023 16:32

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 14/05/2023 15:42

Why the fuck wouldn't you want to press charges?

This.

Thewitcherswolf · 14/05/2023 16:35

Call the police non-emergency number and report the damage to property and the fact you believe it was your ex because he threatened to do exactly this yesterday.

Thewitcherswolf · 14/05/2023 16:35

Also take photos of everything

Meadowfly · 14/05/2023 16:47

Show us- why should she clean the paint up! The victim should NOT pay for the crime!!

Tadpolle · 14/05/2023 16:50

Not the point but I think you might need to press charges to claim for the cleanup of the paint vandalism on your insurance.

Daleksatemyshed · 14/05/2023 17:00

If he's very jealous he'll probably convince himself you have dumped him for someone else Op. I'd press charges with the Police just incase he turns up again. I don't want to scare you but men like him aren't good with the word No, it would be better to press charges or he'll think he's got away with his bad behaviour

ShowUs · 14/05/2023 17:04

Meadowfly · 14/05/2023 16:47

Show us- why should she clean the paint up! The victim should NOT pay for the crime!!

No I don’t think she should that’s why Id tell him to clean it up else she’ll press charges.

SuperSange · 14/05/2023 17:06

Which part of 'pressing charges' are pp not getting? It's not up to her. It's up to the police.

gamerchick · 14/05/2023 17:08

ShowUs · 14/05/2023 17:04

No I don’t think she should that’s why Id tell him to clean it up else she’ll press charges.

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