Ex has thrown paint everywhere

[Dapps]

Hi ladies, this is my first post - please be gentle, I'm a bit emotional to say the least.
I tried to end it with my partner of 7 months last night because he's incredibly jealous and is making me miserable with it. He went off ok but then came back round shouting through the letterbox and banging on the windows, getting louder and louder saying I had his bank card - we both knew I didn't.
So eventually I went out and told him to go and he'd thrown paint from my garden all over my front door and my driveway.
We got into a fight and I called the police. They turned up at 8.30am this morning and I said I didn't want to press any charges, I just wanted them to turn up at the time of the incident and get him to go away.
Now there's paint up the road where he got it under a neighbour's car and it's been driven up the road and I feel absolutely drained and depressed and I'm worried he'll be back. This has to be the end, obviously, but if he comes back again I don't know what to do. Help guys, please xx

Maybe not on the thread of a vulnerable woman. Start your own thread if you want to complain. This isn't the place. And is reinforcing the idea that the police aren't very empathetic TBH.

Or work with your colleagues on conviction rates and general police behaviour so more people trust the police to do something with statements.

Im sympathy worn out

I have won awards for victim care . But it irks me when everyone blames everyone else without looking to themselves and their own part

I've been in a dv relationship. I left - eventually. Took 5 years.

I'm not unsympathetic but when people sit and complain about police , they have a choice . Help us help you - and if you can't it's pointless bleating when we try and do all the other stuff around you like safeguarding your kids .

Many women who tell us to fuck off are not vulnerable btw .

They just didn't get what they wanted .

@AnyaMarx I am NOT blaming anyone else for bringing this bastard into our lives and I did NOT tell anyone to fuck off or treat anyone unkindly in any way. I don't like some police officers for reasons of my own - that doesn't mean I don't have respect for the good guys. However when you're a wee bit concerned because there's an unhinged guy bawling obscenities and threats and damaging your property over the course of around an hour and a half then turning up 6 hours later to take some notes isn't much use.

Thanks again to all the understanding comments. I knew I was taking a chance posting so was prepared for a bit of backlash and I'm super appreciative of you taking time to help me out. I was a wreck yesterday but I'm back in the saddle now.

Yeehaaa cowgirls :-)
Have a wonderful day xx

Glad you're feeling a bit better today, what a load of hassle for you - thank God you got rid of him sooner rather than later. I've had similar in my last.
You and your child will be ok.
Look after yourselves.

Yeah I've had instance where I've felt i was at risk and called police before (someone trying to break into my flat whilst I was there, alone) only for them to take an hour to show. In the heart of a city where there would have been plenty on general patrol nearby that could have come. So I totaly get your frustration.

I think there's plenty of good people on the force though. It must be a hard job.But they're underfunded and have very limited powers. And they don't seem to prioritise very well. I mean I can't think of anything much more important to attend to than people breaking into a home where there is a lone, scared woman. But hey, I dunno, maybe drunken pub brawls are more important :/

But in future when it comes to people who mean me harm, I'd consider police....possible back up. There's no harm phoning them if you're able. But prioritise defending yourself. Get a baseball bat or a golf club by your bed. Heck,hairspray even. Always know your quickest exit route. If you feel someone is a threat, tell everyone you know so they can keep watch for you. Change up your routines. Move away if need be. Ect..

I think believing too much in the police or justice system can be deadly for some. But so can not trusting them to help you so not reaching out for help. Always best to seek aid but to watch your own back too and not be lulled into thinking the police will always deter future dangers.

Yes, you can't " press charges" in the UK, but perhaps the OP lives somewhere else.

Press charges and call womens aid
this won’t stop 🛑 unless you assert biundaries

I’m sorry x

@Pinkbonbon you're brilliant you are :-)
Thank you darling. And will fly spray work? Or Mr Sheen? lol xx

Maybe a nice perfume. Stay classy xD

Soooo (sorry to bore you - I know I certainly am already...) he's been round again today (twice last night) asking for his medication which has been delivered to my house for a few months. I should add that I rang the chemist when it was delivered to my address and told them to come back and collect it because he wouldn't be in my home any more but no one had come back for it at this point. So I didn't speak and posted the bag back through the letterbox. Then he started shouting at the door that he wanted to borrow my bank card because he doesn't have one and he wanted to go to a cash machine ('I'll bring it straight back').

He's standing there in the remnants of the Jackson Pollock-esque installation on my doorstep asking me for a favour! Wow.

So I didn't reply again and he went away after about another 10 minutes of loudly saying my name at the door and repeating that he wanted to use my bank card.
I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognise half an hour after it had gone quiet and when I answered it he said 'why aren't you answering the door', so I said 'because I don't want you here now GO AWAY' and hung up. He tried ringing back again so I didn't answer then blocked the number.

So far so good. I'm on pins for when he gets drunk later but my girl is at her Grandma's so I just need to hold my ground I think. Thanks for reading - lots of love to you all xxx

'Get off my fucking doorstep! I'm calling the police!' Next time. And do so if he doesn't leave. They might not arrive on time but at least you can document with them that he was there again.

It's harassment. I mean the AUDACITY of this guy! Trashing your garden and asking to borrow your card? Just shows how deluded and entitled he is.

Never answer calls that might be him.
Also don't accept friend requests on social media or messages from anyone you have never met as that could be him too.

Assuming he can't get in to your house?
I think I'd ask a friend to stay over for a few days if you can. Or a male family member. And leave your keys in your lock so he can't get in if its possible he has a key (assuming there's no window on your door).

He sounds really scary.

If he contacts you again maybe you should apply for a Claire’s Law so you know what you are dealing with.

What an arsehole. If he turns up again, call the police and tell him you are.

Can you get a doorbell camera?

Please get a video doorbell OP, he sounds like a lunatic and it's best to have evidence of him harassing you if needed

If he doesn't leave you alone you are going to have to call police and assist them to help you get this loser out of your life .

I wouldn't keep giving him chances . If he turns up tell him to go and tell him he has 30 seconds .

If he's outside and you're inside (safe I might add) it will be a priority response so you won't get cops out on an immediate blue light run - unless he's really kicking off / trying to break in etc then you would .

He isn't getting the message is he ?

You didn't press charges because you wanted it all to go away, but it's not going away. Press charges, and make an application for a non molestation order. That is what a protective parent would do.

Just in case it's helpful....you can get cameras that aren't doorbells as well. If you have a windowsill towards the front of your house you could out it there ( indoors).

Please ring the police the next time he comes round. And it sounds like there will be a next time.

No, they won't come immediately, but that's not the point. It's in your best interest to have every incident of him harassing you logged.

Morning ladies,

These are the call logs from last night and this morning. I've just posted on Facebook asking if there's a way of your phone differentiating between private numbers and being able to block a particular one? Probably a stupid question but when I tell you I struggled to upload the screenshots you will understand the type of tech capabilities I possess.

With regard to the Ring doorbell, I know for a FACT that he'd whip that straight off so maybe the camera in the upstairs window is the way forward.

Have a nice day.

Sending love, hugs and, as ever, my thanks😘

As the police attended the first time, I'd log these calls with 101 on the same crime reference number. You can do it via their online chat.

At least they've got evidence to build a harassment case if it comes to the point you want a restraining order.

I would call women's aid for advice on this OP and please log the ongoing calls with the police via 101.

I would also urge caution re posting on Facebook about stuff like this, even if you don't mention that it's about your ex. It's all evidence that he's getting to you which may fuel him to continue if he can see your page / hear about it from anyone else. Not worth the risk of adding fuel to the fire so you're better to ask on anonymous forums like this or to take your phone to a phone shop and ask them.

He's dangerous enough that you think a video doorbell would be ripped off by him, rather than it being a deterrent. That means you need to involve the police. And also if you did get one then the footage of him ripping it off would still go to your phone even if it was ripped off, I believe. Then you'd have evidence of him doing it. An upstairs camera pointing down to the door is a much better idea though regardless.

You can't put this man off alone, he's too far gone. Women's aid will be able to advise - would you call them today?

Although “pressing charges” is a myth in England and Wales, the advice you are being given about making a statement - and claiming compensation - is correct.

Because this is a potential safeguarding situation.
It is domestic violence, plus criminal damage and this man is already doing extreme things like harming himself in an attempt to get you into trouble.
Who is to say he won't turn up at school to try and take your daughter?
Or worse?
Some men kill their whole families, out of narcissistic spite.

So you don't like the police. Well, what do you think they are there for?
You need to consider how an attitude like that could affect your child. Children need to learn about safe adults in case they are in danger (and yes, I know it's not foolproof) and this should include police officers.
Also, if he turns up again when she is at home, she is at risk of significant harm should she witness further domestic violence and threatening behaviour and Children's (previously Social) Services are likely to be involved. They would want to be reassured that you are able to protect her.

Doing nothing will not make this go away and it doesn't look good on you.
A responsible parent would involve the police, obtain a non molestation order and involve the school, so they are extra watchful.