Ex has thrown paint everywhere

[Dapps]

Hi ladies, this is my first post - please be gentle, I'm a bit emotional to say the least.
I tried to end it with my partner of 7 months last night because he's incredibly jealous and is making me miserable with it. He went off ok but then came back round shouting through the letterbox and banging on the windows, getting louder and louder saying I had his bank card - we both knew I didn't.
So eventually I went out and told him to go and he'd thrown paint from my garden all over my front door and my driveway.
We got into a fight and I called the police. They turned up at 8.30am this morning and I said I didn't want to press any charges, I just wanted them to turn up at the time of the incident and get him to go away.
Now there's paint up the road where he got it under a neighbour's car and it's been driven up the road and I feel absolutely drained and depressed and I'm worried he'll be back. This has to be the end, obviously, but if he comes back again I don't know what to do. Help guys, please xx

Thanks for that advice.

I didn't even consider the idea that he might be encouraged by my Fb post! But then again he doesn't have many friends on there so even fewer mutuals (if any, come to think of it - which I should've done before I posted it anyway). I'll remove it anyway and post it somewhere else.

I'm going to look into getting some kind of budget CCTV. Obviously money's tight because I've not been given anything towards outgoings which would have usually been shared or at least contributed towards.

I'm thinking of taking my daughter somewhere this weekend for a bit of a breather. Just somewhere cheap and cheerful (Very. In equal measure lol)
I'll look for a security camera now and then a B&B now.
Fb post has been removed. He's at the door now

Then for heavens sake, call the police.

Yeah just 999 this OP. It's harassment at best. Tell them you're scared.

They can fit a panic button if he keeps coming back.

You are being ridiculous now. Call the police and tell them he is outside, refusing to leave, has damaged your property and constantly turning up and calling. Police grade their responses according to risk and priority, and in my force this would be an emergency grade as he is still on scene. Stop being a martyr and pick up the phone.

Why on earth aren't you ringing the police each and every time he calls and turns up

@SandraDeee I'm not being a martyr and I don't appreciate that sentiment. I'm trying my best here. I'm not an emotionally (or physically for that matter) weak woman - my friends are shocked that I've not given him a good slapping tbh, but I don't want the police at my door in the middle of the day or at any other time. No matter who has rung them.

He's not posing a threat right now. He's standing outside ringing my phone which is on silent and he's mumbling but not shouting. I'm of the mindset at the moment that a few more of these appearances and he'll accept that I'm not going to see him or talk to him and he'll go away.

He's not going to get angry in the daytime like Sunday night, he'll be contrite and hopefully his next emotion will be acceptance and he'll move on.

I think he's gone now. He rang my phone 10 times between 11.15 & 11.22.
xx

Is he using different numbers to call you?

If so, I'd be tempted to just change your number.

if he was mumbling outside my door my 'mindset' would be 'he's a loony, I'm calling the cops'. Why are you faffing around?

@Dapps - 'he'll be contrite and hopefully his next emotion will be acceptance and he'll move on.', yes, and the Tooth Fairy really does exist.

Standing on someone's doorstep isn't an emergency, to be fair.

Not sure I share your confidence he will lose interest op. This guy trashed your garden and then had the audacity to come back! Physically hurt himself! Threatened to blame you! Not only that, he then asked for your bank card! Called you from a fake number when you wouldn't answer the door. Then called you 10 times in the night, then turned up at your house again!

He's seriously unhinged.
You saying 'he'll lose interest and give up' probably comes from a place of what YOU would do. Or what you think the person you thought he
was would do. But he isn't that person!

Last week, would you ever, ever have thought he would behave as he has? Heck, when you first started dating him, would you ever have thought he would have became a jealous, spiteful bf?

These sort...you never know whats going on in their head. And telling yourself they'll lose interest...yeah, I'm sure lots of women who were killed when they left their abusive partners - thought exactly the same thing.

If you don't want to call the police, at least report it with 101 as pp said. Good idea about a camera too!

If he knows your work schedule, I'd vary that too. Leave the house at a different time to usual as he will be waiting to ambush you. Tell your work/any social engagements about him.

A man who can physically hurt himself can hurt you too. Don't be fooled into thinking these sort accept no for an answer. Even eventually. You'll probably find best case scenario, that even if he soon stops for a while,he will at some point down the line, start showing up again. Maybe the next time some other woman tells him 'no' and he's mad about it.

Good idea to get away for a while. I just hope you don't come back to him having trashed the place again. Still, better to be out if he might do that anyway. Safer. Because this guy is absolutely a threat to you unfortunately.

Ps: your neighbours must be scared too if they're about. You may find they call the police.

I certainly would if someone trashed my street then showed up again kicking off. Let alone for a 3rd time. That's fucking scary. I'd be frightened to leave my house.

So you may find the police show up anyway.

And, as I said in my reply earlier, Children's Services may become involved too.

If you are renting and he seriously trashes the place, and the landlord says 'Why didn't you call the police when he started behaving like this?', what are you going to say?

This guy shows all good signs of a basket case who will escalate and get worse. You should be logging all this with the police.

This is because he has no respect for you and is possessive. If you ignore him and his behaviour he will escalate on the basis you've done nothing to stop him and he likes the game.

"How on earth does that give you any confidence in them?"

OP, please be aware that informing her school is a standard safe guarding procedure to ensure communication between agencies. Especially in domestic violence incidents. The police don't really have an option to NOT tell her school. It's designed to help everyone involved with kids have a better chance to spot issues. It is something good, not bad, that they do this.

Is it just me or does anyone else have the impression that OP is in the USA?

OP this is clearly not a rational man. He's not going to just suddenly accept things and move on.

You need to start acting on the assumption that he's not going to let this go rather than the assumption that he will.

If you won't take action for your own safety, please think about doing it for the sake of your daughter's.

Please phone the police OP. I know you don't particularly trust them but they will take this seriously