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Original poster

Men paying on dates?

128 replies

CadburyDream · 13/05/2023 13:49

Ive been out of the dating game for so long so I'm not sure what the general thing is with this but I was just saying how expensive dating can be if you factor in having to pay for childcare plus dinner and drinks basically a night out could cost over £100 and been told I shouldn't be paying for dinner or drinks?! I thought the done thing now was splitting the bill? Apparently I shouldn't even be going out with a man who wouldn't pay the whole bill but how would you even know till the bill arrives 🤔?! I thought splitting was the done thing these days?

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 13/05/2023 13:54

I would absolutely offer to split the bill, but I wouldn't move stRaight to dinner dates. With my oh we did coffee, ice-cream, pub lunch before we got to dinner. Just go for coffee with a few people until you find one you want to spend hours with over dinner.

Stressfordays · 13/05/2023 13:55

Always offer and have the funds available, but generally I have found men pay.

AgentJohnson · 13/05/2023 14:15

I wouldn’t offer to split the bill, I’d bloody insist on it.

LadyJ2023 · 13/05/2023 14:17

I always had funds with me and offered to split but none wanted to split so all good :)

erikbloodaxe · 13/05/2023 14:31

I'd insist on paying for my own.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 13/05/2023 14:34

There isn't a set "done" thing nowadays. As shown by the different answers above.
I think for a first date go for something cheap / low cost initially and it's a case of finding someone who you share the same financial beliefs with. I would rather a man pay, but not for everything and I'm not a money grabber. I'm not into this whole split it 50/50 thing. Generally I find that men who are like that tend to be tight and mean. I'm happy to spend money on a man but I'd prefer on a first date if they paid.

Original poster
CadburyDream · 13/05/2023 14:39

Thanks all I thought letting the man pay was frowned upon now a days is what I mean I guess. I haven't dated in years but when I was younger men would happily let me pay my bit I never had anyone insist they paid. I am not into coffee / walk dates personally and would prefer to go out somewhere

OP posts:
Wavescrashingonthebeach · 13/05/2023 14:42

I think if it was me who suggested going for food then I'd be well prepared to pay half, as we don't know if we click until the date, but then there's been times when they have insisted and paid and I've not stopped them.
My whole issue with going 50/50 on everything throughout a relationship is that its all very good when you are on the same earnings as them but then when you have a baby with someone you want to know that you can ask for something and they aren't going to be tighter than a gnats arse!
I prefer generous men, and I myself am generous in return, like to spoil people on birthdays etc and buy random things for them.

TallerThanAverage · 13/05/2023 14:45

If I knew that I didn’t want to see them again then I would insist on splitting the bill.
If we were going to have another date I would still offer but let them pay if they insisted as I would pay for the next meal out. If they were paying the restaurant bill I would leave the tip.

Original poster
CadburyDream · 13/05/2023 16:04

Not having any more kids so not looking for that. I think I would rather pay 50/50 than take turns in paying 🤔

OP posts:
Assignedtoworryyourmother · 13/05/2023 16:07

MN is the only place I've ever seen women saying that men SHOULD pay on dates/they'd never see them again if they were so 'disrespectful" as to not pay.
In the real world, women offer to pay half because that's fair. If the man accepts, it does not make him any of the negative connotations MN would suggest.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/05/2023 16:13

If it's someone you like and meet in RL, turns is good. Internet dating you're just trying each other out for size so splitting is good.
FWIW, I always split with DH and he's generous and kind and is currently doing housework while I MN. All the people who tell you men who will split are arseholes are wrong.

happinessischocolate · 13/05/2023 16:33

I dont think a first date should ever be anything like dinner, as I can't think of anything worse than having to sit through a meal with someone I've only just met.

A first date of coffee or a drink, I would expect the guy to offer to pay for the first one, if he doesn't like me enough to buy me a beer then he's not for me.

Subsequent dates which involve going for a meal, I'd let him pay if he wants to but more than happy to pay my share or will pay for the drinks afterwards.

Also I would only let the guy pay if I liked him and intended to see him again. I hate watching first dates on TV when a woman lets the guy pay but then says no to seeing him again.

Dating when you have kids and need a babysitter can be expensive, but it's not up to your date to pay for you to go out just because you have kids.

KCIII · 13/05/2023 16:37

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 13/05/2023 14:34

There isn't a set "done" thing nowadays. As shown by the different answers above.
I think for a first date go for something cheap / low cost initially and it's a case of finding someone who you share the same financial beliefs with. I would rather a man pay, but not for everything and I'm not a money grabber. I'm not into this whole split it 50/50 thing. Generally I find that men who are like that tend to be tight and mean. I'm happy to spend money on a man but I'd prefer on a first date if they paid.

Why’s that out of interest?

I’m not meaning to call you out but the idea women want to be treated equally - including work related pay - is somewhat undermined by thinking that men pay for first dates at least. They used to as women didn’t earn (much) and couldn’t have a bank account.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 13/05/2023 16:41

@KCIII

Because it isn't equal. When we have a baby we usually become financially reliant on whoever impregnated us and you want someone who's going to be as generous with you as you would be with them if they couldn't work for a year due to a temporary condition. And generally the men who bang on about 50/50 are tight when the SHTF.

briansgardenshed · 13/05/2023 16:43

If you accept payment for your company - how do you expect a man to think you're an equal?

JMSA · 13/05/2023 16:46

If a man didn't offer to pay for the first date, I wouldn't want to see him again. HOWEVER I would insist on paying for the second date, and every second one thereafter. I'm all for equality, other than on the first date. I couldn't date a stingy bloke. I should add that if I didn't want to see him again, I'd go halves.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 13/05/2023 16:51

This argument has been done to death and everyone has different views on it. I'm happy to agree to disagree to anyone who has a different view to me and I refuse to be drawn into silly antagonistic comments @briansgardenshed

If a man invites me on a date it's nice if he pays, if I drive him somewhere I'm not going to ask him for the petrol money. Paying for someone's company lmao. He might pay one day and then I might pay another day. I'd rather be with someone as generous as me than a stingy mingebag. And generally the men who get all up in arms about going 50/50 are stingy mingebags.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 13/05/2023 16:51

Il add if I had zero chemistry with someone I would 100% pay for everything I had on a first date

Kickingupmerrybehaviour · 13/05/2023 16:52

I never paid when I was dating. Met my husband about 6 years ago. He asks. He pays. If he wanted me to split it i would pay but I wouldn’t have seen him again. Never happened though and I always got asked out again. If men ask you to pay they’re not interested in you romantically.

Luredbyapomegranate · 13/05/2023 16:55

I’d split it unless I planned on seeing him again, in which case I’d pay the second time.

But as PP said usually drinks coffee/walk to start, that way neither of you waste time and money on dinner that isn’t going anywhere.

Lifesagamethentheytaketheboardaway · 13/05/2023 16:59

Kickingupmerrybehaviour · 13/05/2023 16:52

I never paid when I was dating. Met my husband about 6 years ago. He asks. He pays. If he wanted me to split it i would pay but I wouldn’t have seen him again. Never happened though and I always got asked out again. If men ask you to pay they’re not interested in you romantically.

Hello 1950s. What a load of bullshit idiotic simpering little woman nonsense.

Original poster
CadburyDream · 13/05/2023 17:03

Won't be going on walking dates seems a lock down thing that's stuck around but id rather not 😅

OP posts:
OhComeOn123 · 13/05/2023 17:11

If a man asked me out I'd expect him to pay. I would offer to buy him a drink but if he suggested 50/50 on the meal it would put me right off. Fuck the modern world, I like a man who wants to treat a woman. Nothing more unattractive than a tight arse.

Sue me.

BarbedButterfly · 13/05/2023 17:15

I insist on it. I feel uncomfortable getting what I want if I don't pay and why shouldn't I anyway?