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Original poster

Men paying on dates?

128 replies

CadburyDream · 13/05/2023 13:49

Ive been out of the dating game for so long so I'm not sure what the general thing is with this but I was just saying how expensive dating can be if you factor in having to pay for childcare plus dinner and drinks basically a night out could cost over £100 and been told I shouldn't be paying for dinner or drinks?! I thought the done thing now was splitting the bill? Apparently I shouldn't even be going out with a man who wouldn't pay the whole bill but how would you even know till the bill arrives 🤔?! I thought splitting was the done thing these days?

OP posts:
indigovapour · 14/05/2023 08:28

snitzelvoncrumb · 14/05/2023 07:00

Though if I was dating just for casual ‘fun’ for the night if he didn’t pay, I wouldn’t be interested in ‘fun’.

What's the word I'm looking for? It's on the tip of my tongue...

AbsolutePixels · 14/05/2023 08:31

@indigovapour just come out and say it, you coward.

indigovapour · 14/05/2023 08:34

@AbsolutePixels in reality, although I think your view is batshit, you're sort of right. Neither side of this argument will ever convince the other and in the end this just acts as a filter for finding someone with the same outlook as you.

Ultimately if you want a relationship where the man takes care of everything, always drives the car, etc and the woman always looks pretty and has dinner on the table when her man comes home from work, then you're not wrong I suppose. If this sort of thing helps you find that then great - the opposite helps the rest of us find the partners we're looking for too.

indigovapour · 14/05/2023 08:34

AbsolutePixels · 14/05/2023 08:31

@indigovapour just come out and say it, you coward.

Don't need to - she did.

gannett · 14/05/2023 08:37

AbsolutePixels · 14/05/2023 08:28

I’ll say it again - suggesting if someone buys you dinner as the way to determine whether someone will be an equal partner is ridiculous

You're getting things the wrong way round. It's not that the man who pays is proving he's a good partner, it's that the stingy 50/50 is proving he's not. It's a good way of ruling men out.

50/50 on a first date isn't stingy, it's sensible.

Would you call a woman who went 50/50 on a first date stingy?

Do women even get called stingy ever?

How much should a man's self-worth be connected to his bank account do you think?

TallerThanAverage · 14/05/2023 08:40

Comedycook · 13/05/2023 18:14

I'd offer to split...

Then

If I liked him and he offered to pay, I'd graciously accept and offer to pay full next time.

If I didn't like him and had no intention of seeing iagain, I'd insist on splitting.

If I liked him and he accepted my offer to pay half, I'd pay up and never see him again.

So you like him and you offer to pay as a test that he doesn’t know he’s taking? Is that your only reason to offer? When you offer to pay full next time is it when you’re graciously accepting his offer to pay for the first meal because if it is then he might be thinking ‘swings and roundabouts’ which surely is still scenario three. Unless you’re hoping that your offer to pay for date two is met by a counter offer from your date and that he pays again.

AbsolutePixels · 14/05/2023 08:40

How much should a man's self-worth be connected to his bank account do you think?

It's not our job to prop up the flagging egos of low-achieving men.

gannett · 14/05/2023 08:52

AbsolutePixels · 14/05/2023 08:40

How much should a man's self-worth be connected to his bank account do you think?

It's not our job to prop up the flagging egos of low-achieving men.

Something else I imagine you'd never say about a low-earning woman.

KCIII · 14/05/2023 09:12

You can word gymnastics it all you want - you just said men who don’t pay are stingy and should be ruled out.

Assignedtoworryyourmother · 14/05/2023 09:17

snitzelvoncrumb · 14/05/2023 07:00

Though if I was dating just for casual ‘fun’ for the night if he didn’t pay, I wouldn’t be interested in ‘fun’.

I hope you only put out for a decent meal. Girls on street corners earn more than the price of a Nandos.

Kickingupmerrybehaviour · 14/05/2023 09:34

I seriously don’t know why so many people get worked up about this. I think a man should pay on dates and I wouldn’t date a guy who suggested splitting. I would smile and pay but not see him again. That’s my personal choice. I did lots of dating before dh and guys always picked it up first and said they’d get it. Some of them I never even saw the bill. I can’t recall any of them acting like I owed them something or getting mad if I didn’t agree to a second date. All of the guys I dated could have said, ‘shall we split it?’ or whatever but they didn’t. Nobody holding a gun to their head. Equally, if they thought I should have offered ( which I generally didn’t) they weren’t forced to ask me out again but most of them did so they clearly didn’t think so badly of me. If you want to pay 50/50 on dates go ahead. I’m not going to assassinate a woman’s character for choosing that way of dating. Lots of women ask men out, offer their numbers, travel miles to meet men, have sex on first meet… I never did those things either but if other women want to that’s fine by me. Let people row their own boat.

AbsolutePixels · 14/05/2023 09:37

gannett · 14/05/2023 08:52

Something else I imagine you'd never say about a low-earning woman.

Show quote history

False comparison. Women who earn little money usually do so because they are, or were, carers in a society that systematically devalues this type of work. This is not the case for low-earning men. Many are just gaming and porn-addicted adult toddlers.

AbsolutePixels · 14/05/2023 09:40

I hope you only put out for a decent meal. Girls on street corners earn more than the price of a Nandos

What a disgusting comment to make about women. Are you a John?

AbsolutePixels · 14/05/2023 09:45

I seriously don’t know why so many people get worked up about this

Same. On similar threads in the past, I've been called a prostitute, a leech, a worm, and a benefits scrounger! It's obvious why stingy entitled men get angry at women saying no, but I don't understand why it triggers such rage in 50/50 women?!

gannett · 14/05/2023 09:58

AbsolutePixels · 14/05/2023 09:37

False comparison. Women who earn little money usually do so because they are, or were, carers in a society that systematically devalues this type of work. This is not the case for low-earning men. Many are just gaming and porn-addicted adult toddlers.

Show quote history

Well this is the biggest bollocks I'll read this year. No such thing as a hard-working man in a low-paid job or low-paid industry. The only reason a man can be poor is because of gaming and porn (?!).

GilChesterton · 14/05/2023 10:07

On similar threads in the past, I've been called a prostitute, a leech, a worm, and a benefits scrounger!

If you make comments like this:

It's not our job to prop up the flagging egos of low-achieving men.

...in a thread about men paying for you, you are bringing that on yourself.

KCIII · 14/05/2023 12:21

The only people ‘angry’ and ‘raging’ are those very vocally advocating men who accept a 50/50 should be chucked back in the sea as it’s an indicator they’ll be a shit partner.

I don’t give two hoots what you do on a first date or otherwise.

JenniferBooth · 14/05/2023 14:18

I think it should be split but the problem with this is would he apply it elsewhere. It doesnt neccessarily mean that he would split childcare/housework later down the line for instance.

Because a lot of men are very keen to take advantage of the bits of feminism that benefit them but develop a blind spot when it comes to the rest.

I once dated a man who was happy to go 50/50 on dates but also wanted household expenses to be split 50/50 even though i earned a lot less. So just because a bloke splits the cost of a date doesnt mean he believes in equality.

Also the high grooming expectations that are expected are proportionally unfair on poorer women.

So its probable that something in this area would have to give so the woman can go halves on the cost of the date. I wouldnt mind.................but would he?!!!

AbsolutePixels · 14/05/2023 14:22

I once dated a man who was happy to go 50/50 on dates but also wanted household expenses to be split 50/50 even though i earned a lot less. So just because a bloke splits the cost of a date doesnt mean he believes in equality

Equality is regressive. Equity is the goal, and to achieve that, men are going to have to contribute a lot more than a few quid for a dinner!

Original poster
CadburyDream · 14/05/2023 14:34

Some interesting thoughts. I'm not wanting anymore children so don't need to consider that angle so will stick with 50/50

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 14/05/2023 14:35

I’d always expect to split the bill, why should someone you barely know pay for your dinner. Yes some men will insist but id prefer to go half’s on a first day.

reddragon7 · 14/05/2023 15:16

Your choice, but personally I expected the man to pay. I still like to treat etc, but when going out together romantically, I’d have disliked it if the man didn’t pay for all of it.

SouthLondonMum22 · 14/05/2023 15:26

It depends on how you feel and if you like a man paying for you or not.

If a man strongly insisted on paying then I would end it right there. Not interested in that at all. Split or each paying for our own is fine too.

alwaysmovingforwards · 14/05/2023 15:50

I think 50/50 sounds best in this modern era.

Those who like / expect the man to pay when it's linked to a 'romantic' date suggests more than a whiff of 'someone's selling it / someone's buying it' for my liking...

Or they're just tight arses / too poor to buy their own food and drink...

Both a bit yuck and pathetic in 2023 imo 😊