“Fat chicks are easy” discussion at work

[Jennyven]

So I work in male industry (IT) and today we were chatting about dating. I’m a bigger woman (size 18) and I’ve been trying to
lose weight but at the same time I don’t want to stop dating and don’t think I’m unattractive . However, my colleagues started chatting and they basically told me they would date bigger woman only if they want to have sex (in encouragement to lose weight - we are supporting each other and are very friendly). Apparently because they have lower self esteem and is easier to
play them. One of married colleagues basically said that if he would ever want to cheat only with big woman because they have lower standards and it would be easier keeping them quiet. I was upset, but also thought to myself that it’s probably partially true as I was the other woman few times (unwillingly and found out later and stopped immediately). I also have a tendency to get validation through sex. I also recently saw advert for bumble on Instagram of bigger lady and fit guy and thought to myself “wow they look happy”, but omg the comments from men were vile! Anyone’s thoughts? It really got me down today - so men really despite bigger women? I’m very athletic and just finished half marathon month ago, but I’m big

I’d report them, just disgusting sexist misogynists. I’m sorry you have to deal with people like that it must skew your views on life

Sorry, I can’t get past the fact that your male colleagues were, in front of you, having a lengthy discussion about fat women being ‘easy’ and grateful for sex, and that you view this as ‘friendly’ encouragement to lose weight!!! Seriously, OP, you’re worth more than this. Did you say anything???

And this! What revolting misogynist pigs!

Straight to HR to report them

This is completely inappropriate and unacceptable behaviour in any workplace today.

Absolutely. Why are you letting men talk to you and around you like this?

100% this.

If I heard that conversation I would be ripping they a new one. It’s 2023, how is that chat in anyway acceptable ? I work in IT, and any chat like that would be reported straight to HR.

That’s disgusting and I’d make a complaint about that. Complete misogynistic tripe.

FWIW I am fat and I wouldn’t touch any of them with a shitty stick.

I'm not a ' slim ' woman ( and not young either ) I've slept with 2 men in my lifetime. Was Married to one of them , and now in a long term relationship with the other. I don't see myself as easy or grateful if a man casts his eye my way.

'Why do you think a woman's worth is deterred by what you think about her? I might have a fat ass, but at least I dont date wome hating pigs like you'

Totally unacceptable in work.

Apparently because they have lower self esteem and is easier to
play them
openly admitting that they are predators who seek out the vulnerable for exploitation....I'd be keeping quiet & studying him for weaknesses to exploit, shouldnt be hard since he advertises it all so openly

I'd report those scummy misogynists and ask to get moved away from them or them from you. I wouldn't speak to them again. They aren't worth your time as they are ignorant. Don't let them make you feel bad about yourself and as someone trying to lose weight myself for health reasons, keep going please and good luck !❤️

Report.

I’m a personal trainer, I work with a lot of fit young guys and have a fair few as clients.

None of them would even dream of talking about women, or bigger people more generally, in that way. It’s not normal. You’ve encountered what we might technically refer to as some ‘orrible suppurating pustules of humanity.

Just think — while you’re doing your marathons and basically continuing to kick ass in life they’ll be sitting at home in a darkened room masturbating into a sock. And crying about it.

Yuck. Disgusting. Agree with others about reporting to HR.

DH used to work in IT. If he talked like this about women, he would have been sacked. Strictly prohibited in the workplace.

They would be fired at my work. Don't put up with this.

At my workplace we discuss the weather

This is disgusting. Please do as others have suggested and report them. I cannot imagine for the life of me this conversation happening in this day and age, jesus fucking christ.

Also OP, don't be so hard on yourself. You don't need to lose weight for approval, or for dating, or because you think you have to. So many women spend their lives "trying" to lose weight because of societal pressure but the main thing first and foremost is you're happy with yourself, fuck everyone else.

Plus, I'm fat, and since my husband I split a few years ago, I have found there are many men who find bigger women attractive. Plenty of them. Luckily not all men are sick, gross a-holes like your colleagues.

My 50 plus obese friend found love again and he is a fit body builder who’s last girlfriend was very slim. When you date someone don’t go for the idiots throw them back I mean they are easy to weed out or they were 25 years ago. I bet all your work colleagues are lookers too…..not!

Are they easy to weed out? I'm fat enough to be a target for this kind of thinking too.

OP I cannot believe this is discussed at work.

This is not appropriate workplace discourse.

They're also misogynist pigs, but that's a whole other issue.

Ugh!
Yeah, hear / read men say horrible things like this too.
I’ve heard the ’being easy’ and also that overweight women and apparently single mom’s know that they have to do ’extra’ (you know, as in be more willing to do extreme stuff).

It’s so gross.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live as an male and have the male privlidge and all that, but remember how sad charecters most of them are, I’m more than happy to be a woman.

How awful for you to have been in this conversation op!

I don't know about not appropriate for work surely it's not appropriate anywhere! It reminds me of the rhetoric 'this behaviour is not appropriate for school' from teachers as though it is ok in other places.