Summer is going to be great for OLDaters and friends

[PinkIdentity]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I don’t think a dose of reality makes much difference if the chemistry is there but I think more than one date is needed to discover if there’s a spark as both sides are probably feeling a bit nervous/anxious on the first date. A lot of people will probably have a guard up at first too.

I scratched the itch with OM. Numerous times. He was amazing and he has constantly gone on about how amazing he found it too but he feels guilt. Only right I guess and it’s his decision to stay in a sexless marriage (but the chemistry between us is amazing and has remained amazing for years - none of which I experienced with my husband).

I’m the sort of woman who can’t get passionate (and I’m very passionate) with a man unless I feel a strong connection and fancy him like mad. Hence why my husband never stood a chance as we didn’t connect in and out of the bedroom.

I couldn’t just shag anyone, even if I was desperate.

I just went back on Bumble last week and it's been a washout. Matched 6 times, messaged them. 3 of them unmatched without replying, 2 just let it expire.

The final one messaged but let me do all the work of asking questions whilst he just answered in the most boring possible way as if I was interviewing him, and without once commenting on anything I said or on my profile, so I unmatched.

I think some men just swipe yes for everyone, then when they get a match deign to read your message and profile and then decide.

@Enola72 do you want OM to leave his wife for you? Do you think subconsciously you are still hoping hence no other man measures up?

Passmethpens I'm sorry it didn't work out, & sorry it's all a bit crap for you right now. It's a knock for the self esteem isn't it. Sending you hugs. The other site is just called Free dating, anybody can message anybody but you can set your filters so you don't have to get them in your inbox.

The men on there certainly don't look as 'Polished' as most of the men on Bumble, but they mostly act exactly the same

Pressed send too quickly. At least if the chats don't lead anywhere, it's better than not chatting to anybody at all!

Saverage Yes, that's probably it. I couldn't really work it out last night, having never been on a Swipey one before. Sorry it's been crap for you too.

I suppose I do but I know it won’t happen. Saying that, we get on really well. I’d be willing to be just friends with him and accept the situation.

I suppose I do hope other men will measure up to him. We are compatible in every area and this was what was missing in my marriage. I don’t think I will ever find that ‘spark’ again, even if OM disappears. It’s rare to find that.

Enola72

aha saw about OM
as dire as OLD can be
it’s going to be very hard to find someone
new when fixated on another ….

im sure you know that

I know and this is a major problem for me.

@Enola72 the vibe I'm getting from your posts are you are still hung up on the OM and you can't quite accept that he's not willing to leave so you look at him in a bit of rose tinted glasses. I think this in turn will stop you moving on.

I would personally prefer to see him in a negative way, a cheater, a weak man who sees you as a lower priority than his wife/lifestyle but good enough for sex. I'm only saying this as I've been guilty of being too nice in the past but I think the cold light of day helps one/me move on.

Enola72

well the simple truth is to get over someone you have to go cold Turkey

which won’t be easy I know……

even dating won’t help as most likely it will be hard work and will make you want to run back to him

so cold 🦃

cytase

you win 😂😂

Meepme

how’s it going with the new one you are dating ?🙂

Think I just had date 8 (?) with MrLocal
Think I might hint at dtd this weekend 😬

I've seen him 8 times in 3 weeks
I saw MrNoEffort 10 times in 4 months

Be kind I have been separated for 13 years and haven't had even a whiff of a date in that time. I know I feel pathetic ! I do sometimes think it would be nice to have someone to talk to. I'm fat though. Size 18 on a good day with a lovely tummy overhang from 2 c sections. Do I have any hope of meeting someone . I guess I won't know til I try but I'm scared and can't imagine having sex again. Anyone in a similar position with any advice thx

qqq82

im impressed you have managed 8 dates !!
I’m liking the minimal but positive updates

qqq82

my version of no effort has been trying very hard to get me to over and meet his sexual needs

ive resisted 💪 but I think I might have to block him as he’s becoming nastier when he doesn’t get his own way. Can’t believe I even liked him now 😞

Well, my date with mr stripe at the weekend went really well and he said he definitely wanted to see me again... We have been messaging every day since and he said he was going to suggest some days for another date but hasn't yet... he is a bit slow at replying to messages, I'm trying to remember that he is busy at work BUT can't help but feel like he's lost interest a bit. Idk, last time I was dating I was 21 and it was all a bit immature obviously... lots of love bombing back then, (my stbxh told me he loved me after a week... should have recognised 🚩) so I am not used to this... Is this to be expected in professional grown ups... I guess so

@Thisisworsethananticpated yes get him blocked
If MrNoEffort contacted me now he'd be ignored and blocked too

Not dating at all @Thisisworsethananticpated , tired of the apps making me question myself.

I just think I can be too nice about exes then we never move on. I find it easier to move on when I think they haven't treated me well rather than they were damaged etc

Meepme

sorry i must have mixed you with another poster

half the thread in benched these days !!!

Hey there, I am in a similar situation. Same size as you and the worst post-pregnancy tummy, with apron. The one area of my body I am most self conscious of. I look nice fully clothed, but I don't think I look great naked 🙈

However, I have had great dates with Mr Music, after the second one we were messaging in the evening and I invited him over. DTD sober and seeing him again today... (proper date, activity and dinner in town), so I guess I appeared more confident than I felt and I am really pleased we DTD when we did and he still wants to see me. I was questioning it so much, but he seems nice and genuine. I also really like him!

So, take your time, feel good about yourself and fake it until you make it! 😉

@NervesOfCotton I never heard of Free Dating! Thinking of giving it a go...after reading all the updates on Bumble here not even sure I want to bother with it. Some people seem to report moderate success with Facebook Dating...

I also just read this article, and some of the sites I've never heard of, I wonder if they are any better (not specialised like music or gaming, but some general ones) https://www.bonobology.com/dating-sites-nerds/

RadiantRainbow Ooh, thanks, I'll have a look! Its so hard to know isn't it as some people think one site is great & others think it's awful

I'm not having any luck at all (Still) with Bumble. But then i'm checking both of them today & there's nothing going on on either of them for me now