Summer is going to be great for OLDaters and friends

[PinkIdentity]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

The moving was an objective comment, to a brief 20-30 secs humorous dabble into the medium-term future.
There will be no permanent moving certainly this yr. In the future, why not. Although the familial logistics on Ms. Icebergs' end are quite complex, her job role is flexible.
As for the distance, I don't see it as a problem. Monday for instance I can be at hers in 2 hrs ish and be home by Tuesday 9 am if I set off at 7 ish. Just in time for work if I can be arsed to show my face. Friday and Saturday I will treat it like a mini break in the capital. So basically every other weekend will be a mini break. Eventually, we can just bog off for long weekends anywhere in Europe. We can fly to Ibiza for instance for a sand, sun, sea, and sex mini break for less than £600. That is cheaper than a weekend hotel, fuel, and meal over here.
It actually feels like a holiday rather than a drudge. The week I have my children we cannot see each other anyway. She has WFH flexibility, with a similar child parenting routine with her ex to begin shortly.
Being a business owner with no one to answer to I can do what I like within reason.

It sounds like it's working out very well for you both @Harrypewter. Long may that continue. We are only 45 mins apart but family and work schedules can make it difficult for us to get any mid week time together even 2yrs later.

@qqq82 Mr noeffort has a way with words huh 🤦‍♀️

@Harrypewter sounds like you're having fun and have a handle on how to proceed. I applaud it as I can't even swipe on someone if they're more than 45 mins away 😆

Date last night was ok. Chatted easily and laughed but did I want to rip his clothes off? No. If he'd asked to see me again I'd have probably said yes to see if anything there but I wasn't interested enough to suggest it myself 🤷‍♀️

Slothmomma

to be fair I’ve never had that ‘rip clothes’ off feeling after a 1st date 🤷‍♀️
however If I leave smiling and enjoyed their company Id generally meet them again and see how I feel

you are a dating trouper !

@Harrypewter I am envious of your fledgling relationship as it sounds perfect! I would love to meet someone (any distance in this case) with whom it just instantly became easy and fun - I too have a busy life but WFH flexibility and grown up children, my biggest tie is my dog haha!

Enjoy - it sounds like it is going very well, when I met my now exH we were 200 miles apart and he had no commitments so we spoke daily and he drove up to me every weekend. We soon realised it was special and yes we are no longer together but had 20+ mostly great years.

Thank you for the kind comments, everyone.
Time for me to go enjoy this relationship.

@Thisisworsethananticpated 😆 yeah I didn't really mean literally but more a "there's a definite spark here" kind of feeling but like you, if it's been pleasant I'm up for another date to see if it is there however I'm assuming he wasn't up for that as hasn't asked and I'm not going to suggest it as I sent a message when I got back thanking him for the drink and referencing something funny that happened in the pub and just got a laughing emoji back so not going there 😆

Slothmomma

aligned
delete & onwards

Hello, please can I join in?

Navigating my way through online dating and have had it with the apps... Am currently on tinder and bumble. My friends seem to know what I want more than I do because I just keep settling for less than I deserve! So hard to remember that.

First time I've been single in my life as was with ex husband from teens until early 40s... It is a minefield! Been on the apps meeting people since September.

Most recent date I've had with Mr Surgery was nice, but he was boring and I didn't find him that attractive... I had to ask him if he wanted a kiss at the end 😭 and then we kissed for almost an hour. Which was great
But he's really boring. So I've sent him the you're great and I hope you meet someone nice text today

Ughhhhh

@Thewildthingsliveatmyhouse

Most recent date I've had with Mr Surgery was nice, but he was boring and I didn't find him that attractive... I had to ask him if he wanted a kiss at the end 😭 and then we kissed for almost an hour.

Interesting that you seem to have expected an extended snog at the end of the date (and seem put out that he didn't initiate) even though you found him boring and not particularly attractive... That seems a very unusual expectation for OLD in my experience.

Typically if you don't click, you just part ways, and it would never occur to me to kiss someone in your situation... Even if you do click, first dates aren't normally physical. I've only once had a snog on a first OLD date, but that was when there was clearly a lot of attraction coupled with pre-date flirting.

There's nothing wrong per se with what you did, and you should feel free to kiss who you want. It just seems odd expectation after a lacklustre first date, even more so that you seem put out that he didn't initiate.

You always have interesting things to say @NervesOfCotton , I know what you mean though I always wonder if I come across dull or boring, bit of a hermit these days and don’t have any exciting hobbies just the usual stuff everyone does.
@Thisisworsethananticpated hows your dating life going? Do you still see the guy you were on and off with?
hey @Slothmomma 👋
xx

I still havent ever been back on any apps. Last time I was on one must be nearly 2 years now. I meet guys in random places but nothing ever comes of it. Do wonder if its my personality or looks though that no one ever wants to get to know me.

@Thewildthingsliveatmyhouse welcome - I was new to all this too after 2 decades with ex dh since teens. Been single 6 years now and still wouldn't say I'm any good at this OLD malarkey 😆 But like @guineacup, if I'd had a date I found boring and didn't fancy there's no way I'd allow him to kiss me let alone initiate it.

@ButterflyOfShay hey, lovely to hear from you again. Ay least you're meeting men out - I rarely do and if I do they're usually in a relationship or married 🤦‍♀️

Sorry guineacup But I was also confused about the kiss. I've been on & off these threads for years though (With all my tales of weirdness & woe) & all are welcome

I've never been bothered about a kiss on any of my dates apart from this recent on, as I fancy him more than I have any other date!!

Aww ButterflyOfShay It's not your looks or personality, because you are fabulous, I know you arexxx

It's them. Them men. That are making a mistake. Big mistake. Huge!

Things got a bit weird with mine last night over text so now (as well as chasing a flipping mosquito around my house for 2 hours last night) I'm feeling crappy & exhausted. Great.

Dam my insecurities. But also, dam him for being a bit of a twat yesterday.

I'm a bit confused here because you wrote "he was boring and I didn't find him that attractive" and yet you said you fancied him more than all your other dates. I can only assume that your other dates were dire.... and you seem to have a very low bar for fancying!

ButterflyOfShay

no im vvv single now and not on the apps at all
we split Jan (then again April , again May !)
i did have a dalliance with another but we also split
all rather bruising it was

I’ve been having loads of therapy (I know !) and I’m not venturing into the shark pool just yet

I will and I want to but I’m rather enjoying the calm right now

I think the apps exist as no one easily meets people in RL ? I don’t tend to anyway

guineacup Apologies, sorry I mixed you up with Thewildthingsliveatmyhouse With my reply. Sorry, was rushing this morning I see what I did now. Was a bit confused there reading your reply!

I fancy my one & I havn't called him boring

Sorry, it's me who got confused there, not you.

Thanks for the reply Guineacup
It wasn't that I expected an extended snog. The date itself was nice, it's only after we met that he became very boring over text. I definitely wouldn't go for a kiss if I wasn't feeling it.
I've only done online dating as I said, most have had a kiss at the end if it was a good date. I know there's nothing wrong with what I did 😊
Was just sharing my most recent experience

@slothmomma it's like venturing into the unknown isn't it!
It's all a learning experience
This guy was very different to anyone I've met, very "nice" but actually did make me feel a bit slutty over text asking how many dates I've been on. I actually enjoy meeting new people, I like talking to them and finding out about them, it's the chatting part that grinds my gears, and all the mind games!

The same intro questions used to annoy me so much. They'd always ask "so how is online dating/ how are the apps working out for you?'

For some reason that question would always wind me up. Ask about me and my life, not my success on dating apps, for goodness sake!

Along with - what are you looking for? Over and over again. Urgh. So tedious.

I'm not sure I have the patience to ever go back to be honest.

5thWisdom Don't forget 'Why are you single?' (hate that one!)

hello can I join this thread?! I am dipping my toe in the water! I have a first date this weekend for the first time in what feels like a million years. I have no clue what to expect or what we will talk about?!?!?!

I just realised that my tinder profile doesn't have any full length pictures of me so I could be a size 6 for all he knows, I'm actually a size 14, I've put on weight recently, suddenly I feel really self conscious of this.

I will call him Mr Stripe

Ugh @nervesofwisdom that one is so cringe isn't it!
I normally say because I'm very picky. I don't say I've met a succession of idiots

Hey @cadburyegg welcome from a fellow newbie!
So where did you meet Mr Stripe?
Have you exchanged photos off Tinder? Not naughty ones just a "hello I'm real" pic? I tend to do this so that I get one back as I've been catfished before.
Just go with the flow, what are you doing on your date?