Summer is going to be great for OLDaters and friends

[PinkIdentity]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Soonenough which site did you join? I’d try a few before thinking of jacking it in…also what are your realistic opportunities of meeting new people in real life, if not many then I’d persevere…

LuckyLinda3

I’m pleased
look later life dating is never easy
we seem to be conditioned that the hetero normative marriage , in each other’s pocket is the norm - and of course it isn’t when we are older , working , with kids , with baggage

one thing I’ve noticed is you seem to be rather insecure and always always assume the worst

if it was just sex I’d understand - but it’s seems to be so much more than that between you two

but how can you get into a place where you truly accept this for what it is ? And accept that he likes you but does have his own life (as do you )

@Thisisworsethananticpated I think you have hit the nail on the head there but I'm not sure what to do. It is so much more. He has asked me to another wedding, is pushing gently for a weeks holiday but then mentioned 2 staff nights out on a Friday Saturday of same weekend and I could feel myself getting annoyed even though I trust him. How do I get past this.

He is clearly triggering something in you

question is WHY

now my ex triggered me too but he was a fucking selfish arse so 🤷‍♀️

bit yours sounds like he values you and wants 1:1 time
but he also has his own life and I’m guessing he has his own valid reasons for wanting to maintain his independence ?

but here we have two positives - wants you at a wedding , wants a holiday

but your knee jerk reaction is to be triggered that he wants two nights out in a row , and doesn’t want to ‘save’ a night for you (which I understand )

so the merry go round never stops does it ?
he doesn’t Change and your permanently triggered ?

@LuckyLinda3 agree with pp, sounds like you are always being triggered yet you dont want anyone else. So you may as well just accept that you both wont change and this is how it's going to be. You seem to post a lot about this kind of stuff but both of you clearly still want to stay together so i think you just have to accept his flaws and go with it.

So @Thisisworsethananticpated and @Meepme are we basically not compatible then and this issue can't be overcome.

This weekend we did a few more domesticated things like food shopping, tidying, and clearing up after food, on top of eating out, visiting some friends, and the sex. The chats and connections are real. There's a huge difference in personality when compared to our exes. The agreeableness is a welcome addition as well as a stark contrast. Comparative to both ex-partners.
I personally feel the logistics are not insurmountable if that happens in the future.
What started off as a meet-up for sex is blossoming into something special.

LuckyLinda3

no one can answer that !! But only you can figure out how to feel more at ease and less triggered if you truly feel he is a decent man and has your back x

It’s tricky shit to navigate , im very jealous and can be easily triggered too

hence why I’m staying single for the foreseeable as I fucking hated how I got

Thanks @Thisisworsethananticpated. I appreciate your honesty and your advice x

We've had date 2. Lovely, he's still lovely.

We went to the beach then he wanted to go bowling (but I wanted to stay at the beach really & chat) bowling was fun though, but it meant we had to rush back.

He said he's going for a house in the area where he originally said (over the other side of town)

@LuckyLinda3 i think only you can decide what you want to tolerate and what's ok. Some people might think at least he isnt cheating or being abusive, others might think he's worth the effort. No one can tell you what to do. I couldnt remember but wasnt he the one who came over then turned around saying he needed time to himself. And other stuff i think you mentioned like he prioritises his staff nights/friends above nights with you, all makes me think he takes you for granted a bit. All those would really annoy me. Not so much seeing friends but if your time is quite precious anyway, id be expecting him to want to spend time with me.

This is from my experiences of always feeling like i was low priority in relationships whereas i always did a lot for people. So in that sense, i now expect more from partners.

@LuckyLinda3 that’s a really nice place to be, but I understand why it’s a challenge too.

@LuckyLinda3 I clearly posted too soon as now I am all caught up! Bloody hell.

like the others have said, it is probably for the best that you figure out what you want and why you’re finding this so triggering. Have you ever had counselling? Could this be something to help?

I was going to message Mr Music today as I wanted to draw a line under it, but he beat me to it and wants to meet again. I felt quite excited. Agh. Lol. I have agreed to go on another date with him.

Had date with Mr T. It was fleeting due to a road closure. He is a chatter box! Going on a second date as wasn’t sure if more friend zone than anything else.

This is me clearly taking a step back 🙈🤣

@NervesOfCotton you didn’t mention in your second date update if you had a kiss?!

LittleFloatingGhost I'm glad you had a nice chatty date

And nope. Nothing to see here

I'm feeling a little frustrated! & I had to rush to pick my kids up so there wasn't any lingering conversation in the car this time. (I'm aware that I can kiss him too I just havn't got that confidence. Gah!)

And now he's text saying how he wanted to hold my hand but was too shy.

FFS. If neither of us are ever brave enough to touch the other then we may as well just be friends... I don't get that 'vibe' from him when we are together, I don't 'feel' like he fancies me.

5th date just completed
I've seen him 3 days in a row 😂

Thanks, it’s not just time,graft & luck, you need to find the right person, the last person I was speaking to was just so flakey, she took days to respond to messages and sometimes would say she couldn’t meet on a particular date for whatever reason ( that’s fine of course), but no alternative date would be suggested, so I was just left wondering what next all the time 🤷🏼,
bloody hopeless

qqq82
do I need to get a hat 🎩 😂

im liking everyone’s midsummer dating

He's so nice
And it's so handy that he's only round the corner so we can do impromptu things like the last 2 nights .

qqq82

and I hope he’s banishing no effort from your brain 🧠 ?

my ex is still in my head which is annoying as fxxk

but as I’m not actively looking he will just have to fester there 🤯

NoDatingFor0ldMen

banish the flake
we all deserve better

you going back online any time ?

So he's sent me a video of him walking the dog & hearing his voice say he's missing me makes me feel all warm & fuzzy
He told his daughter about me & showed her my OLD profile & has her approval!

qqq82 Go you! Glad you are having fun

@NervesOfCotton he told his daughter about you? Hasnt it only been a week?

Meepme Yes it's been 2dates, I think he's rushing a bit isn't he but I hope he's just exited. (He needs to actually give me a snog or something on this next date though!)

@RadiantRainbow Hi! I work from home, but have a young dog who I walk daily in quite busy areas plus take us out for coffee/ice cream/lunch too.

I did join a local walking group, not proper hikers but local walks one evening a week but despite a very cute dog who usually attracts attention, NOBODY spoke to me other than the organiser 😳

I also work in a local bar in the evenings, (not a public bar, lets say a club without outing myself!) which who knows, may be conducive to meeting someone!

Feel very ready, but as you say, don't think I have the time to do "bumble" - especially when it really is the same faces time and time again! I am happy to travel up to an hour but life commitments at present would prevent much further - an hour from me isn't giving much scope tbh! If you knew where I was you would understand 😣

I did think "am I too busy to date" but I spend a LOT of time alone doing things I could do with a partner, and I am a firm believer in making time when it's important to you.

We shall see 🤗