Summer is going to be great for OLDaters and friends

[PinkIdentity]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

LittleFloatingGhost Ooh I hope so! It's funny, after writing that on here, Last night he text me saying that when he gave me that goodbye hug, he was desperate to kiss me but he was feeling too shy!!!

He said that he told his friend about me too, so no pressure on date 2 to go well then!

What times your date tomorrow? You might get another lovely snog too!

3rd date with MrLocal last night
I certainly don't fancy the pants off him like I did MrNoEffort but i think he could grow on me
I honestly think as well that you can't have everything and I'd rather have someone who isn't an arsehole or alcoholic and treats me well
All the relationships I've had with men I've been massively physically attracted to have not ended well , I've been dropped from a great height and been left utterly broken
I could be searching for the whole package for the rest of my life and never find it

qqq82

good to hear
it’s worth pursuing something a bit different
the attraction may grow and solidify
and it might not but that’s ok too

bit sounds like a sensible plan for now x

what’s he like ?

fwiw I didn’t fancy Balkan till we hit the hay
chemistry is a mysterious thing

He seems very nice
Very interested in me
Good job
Sober
Loves animals
Gets on very well with his family
Long standing friendships

Yet to see any red flags yet

qqq82 He sounds lovely & I know what you mean about 'Having everything'.

Have you got a 4th date arranged?

qqq82

well why not continue
there is no harm as if nothing else it’s practising dating a nice guy

and even if it doesn’t work out you know they exist

have you dtd yet ?

Hmm, mine was looking at houses across the other side of town from me (he's currently 40 miles away) But he's just sent me details for one 2 roads away from me... That's a bit stalker-ish isn't it?!

@NervesOfCotton I think it’s weird he told you! Something to keep an eye on?

LittleFloatingGhost He sent me the listing to see what I think. I feel really uneasy about it tbh.

Hey all, wow it got busy in here!

@qqq82 I am with you on the search for the whole package. I met up with Mr Absent yesterday. I like him and I'm attracted to him and not really any glaring red flags yet. I'm definitely more relaxed about him and am enjoying it more but we've definitely fallen into a fwb relationship and maybe we need a conversation about where things go from here but I'm going to wait another week till things die down at work

Just had a very impromptu 4th date
I really fancied a Sunday lunch so I just asked him and off we went

Hmmm 🤔
so I went on a first date on Thursday (lunch, posted about it here after). Got a message from him later that evening saying it was lovely to meet me, my photos don’t do me justice and get in touch if I’d like to meet again. Message ended with a “x” - for the first time.
I replied saying it was lovely to meet him
too, thanked him for the lunch and drinks (he paid, even though I said let’s split it) and yes it would be lovely to meet him again.
I haven’t heard anything since. I wasn’t too worried as it was only Thursday, but I messaged him today to say happy Father’s Day (as he told me all about his kids on the date) and still nothing 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ahh lovely, how did it go?

Seems to be going ok
I saw his new house
We already kissed yday
I'll just see how it goes
I think I've learned that no matter how keen someone may seem it doesn't mean they'll be the same next week or next month

@StartinOverAgain what is your lifestyle like, is it conducive to meeting new people in RL? I've downloaded Bumble since joining this thread but haven't created a profile 😄I just know I wouldn't have time to give it attention in the near future! Also hoping now that my life is expanding to meet someone in real life...

@Thisisworsethananticpated "single mum looking for fun"😂 did your phone explode?

@Harrypewter I remember watching a lecture where it said that majority of people in Britain even just 80? years ago ended up marrying someone who grew up within a 5 mile radius of them 😁and thinking that's not very imaginative/good for the gene pool.
So I understand completely not limiting yourself, however I know barely any long distance relationships which started digitally and not in real life and developed online and then lasted in real life and were worth the effort... And for most people with commitments it's unrealistic to travel regularly for 100s of miles.

However, it's nearly always different when the initial meeting wasn't on an app, which is your case, and if I met someone amazing living across the country I am sure I'd be motivated to make it work somehow...it's just initially casting the net very wide is a bit unrealistic until I've at least explored the local area where in my case I have to live for at least another 10 years due to sharing childcare with my ex. And I guess it depends on where someone lives, where I am it's relatively provincial but also arty/cultured with a lot of interesting people so definitely worth a try looking locally first.

@NervesOfCotton first I want to say that reading your username makes me grin every single time!
Second how amazing that after series of horror stories on OLD you got a lovely lovely date with a lovely guy!
I can see the latest that he is looking to rent?? or is it to buy? two streets away from you? First, maybe he doesn't realise it is that close, if he doesn't know your town, does he?
Second he wouldn't be living there full time anyway, would he, I assume he lives elsewhere and I thought you said he had children too so would need to be where his children are most of the time? It is a bit strange he is progressing so quickly but I wouldn't panic until I had all the facts.

Good job on taking it into your own hands :)

@qqq82 and @Passmethpens on keenness then going quiet I know from some friends including some male friends' confessions that it's actually when a guy feels properly keen but isn't ready to commit for whatever reason that they often get scared and slam on the brakes and disappear. Like if they like you moderately it is more likely to tick along than if they feel getting properly attached 🤔sad but seems to not be uncommon, to the point of where they arrange a date/another date themselves and then go quiet on the day and then disappear...so many immature and unhealed people around...

Hi RadiantRainbow, Your username is rather fabulous too
I know, I was feeling incredibly lucky tbh, I've not even had a single date since covid as things were so awful online, or I wasn't looking due to family stuff etc.

He's looking to buy & he can move straight in. He will know how close it is, we drove down that rd when he dropped me at the end of my rd on Friday.

I have a huge backstory with my abusive ex who ended up moving to the next street in front of me so to think that this one might end up practically right behind me just sent me into a panic tbh... But obviously he doesn't know the stuff about my ex although I did say 'He moved right around the corner which I hate as I feel suffocated'.

His children are older than mine so he would be at this house full-time & they would come & visit whenever.

I said to him that I thought he wanted to be over the other side of town? & He said 'I do, but no harm in looking' then I said 'The traffic comes to a standstill on that rd, every time our big cross-through bridge shuts' (which is true, he can Google it) & he read that one & didn't answer.

If he asks me outright, I'll just have to be brave & tell him that it's too close.

qqq82

ah , I’m liking the sound of how this is going so far 🙂

NervesOfCotton

I’d gently say that after (2?) dates you can’t tell him where to look for a house !! I get your trigger but he’s literally just looking at houses and I’d doubt he’s doing it to annoy you !!

maybe he drove around and thought 💭 hmm what could I get for my money here ?

either way try to not overthink this as it’s VERY early days

Oh I know Thisisworsethananticpated. Thank you. I think I worded it badly, that's what I meant by 'If he asks me directly' (as in what do I think of him living nearby) then I will say 'Too close'.

We didn't mention it anymore yesterday.

Date 2 later today.

@NervesOfCotton and @LittleFloatingGhost I went against the grain and went on to meet him on Saturday night. We had a lovely night, talked a bit and I ended up only coming home a few hours ago. I don't want to get married or even live full time with someone and still want to prioritise my 17yr old daughter. He gives me the space for all that but because of his work schedule when I want to see him he's not always available to see me. We have the best physical connection either of us have ever experienced and he cares for, supports and protects my children and me. I can be quite fixed when i get an idea into my head so
I'm now wondering is there scope to meet somewhere in the middle. Where maybe he steps up a bit which he has stated he is happy to do and I learn to try and chill a bit. Confused.com🤔

Aww LuckyLinda Sounds like you had a lovely time. It's soooo hard to chill isn't it. The whole 'Go with the flow' thing, sometimes real life & real feelings kind of get in the way don't they. Meeting in the middle sounds good, if you can work that out between you, especially as he is happy to do that.

Hi ladies. Just joining in. After 30 year marriage that ended when I discovered second secret phone.( another story !) I swore that I couldn't possibly see myself getting involved again. But recently I did join a site. Comedy of errors. I accidentally liked everyone as I did not know the swipe sequence . Then the promising turned out to be the typical broken English obvious scams . Now I find the ones I like don't like me . Should I jack it in ?