Summer is going to be great for OLDaters and friends

[PinkIdentity]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Hi everyone
I’ve just had a first date (lunch date) from
OLD.
It was really nice. We got on, conversation seemed to come really easily and although I didn’t quite fancy the pants off him, I’d like to see him again and feel happy this afternoon (might even be because I had a couple of drinks)! I think I’ll call him Mr W.
Just wanted to share.
Hope you’re all having a good day xx

So why are you not asking more men for dates, I assume you have matches and chats etc .

yes , am touring Scotland on my motorcycle this week, bloody hot 🥵, ace roads 👍
Given up on dating, waste of time, the quality of the women I was matching was mostly rubbish, say one thing, mean another etc,
it also amazed me the number of women who don’t ask men out, have too or admit I’ve previously been guilty of ghosting people who have not asked me out but were happy to chat away, I wasn’t a penpal service !

met another solo holiday maker in the bar last night, got chatting away merrily, made me realise the real life encounters are so much better then online

Hi everyone 👋

Can I join this thread? I’ve just had a rather unfortunate dating experience after dipping my toe back into the dating scene after 3 years. Dated for a few months, really liked him then all of a sudden (within a week!) he decided to leave his job and go travelling. Said he didn’t know when he’d be back but if we were both single when he returned he’d be open to dating again but couldn’t guarantee he wouldn’t meet someone he really liked in the meantime. Urgh. Strongly suspect there was other things at play but you live you learn.

Anyhoo. Currently trying to dust myself off from some hurt feelings and psych myself up to get back onto Bumble 😁

@Stepcount yes I do feel a bit uneasy. We have made no plans whatsoever, messages have been very few between us. I did ask him on Sunday during our conversation to really take time to think about the relationship from his perspective so I don't really know about suggesting a meeting this weekend but as he is working today and tomorrow I might just wait till then to see.
I know if this is the end I will really miss him in my life but also can't keep having weeks like this as you say.

Thinking of dipping my toe into OLD. Had a “relationship” for 20 months that kept going hot and cold and I’m really missing him. I tried to cope with FWB but I grew too close.
Bumble or Tinder?

@Username620 has it been long since you broke up?

A month and there’s still conversations going on.

How nice of him to offer the possibility of dating again, if he hasn’t met anyone else in the meantime!

Honestly, I do wonder how some people can be so full of themselves.

You don’t need this. I’ve been on bumble for just over a month. I’ve paid for premium
so I can go incognito 🥸! But so far, not too bad. I had a very pleasant lunch date today.

Interestingly though, my photos on there are crap… but it’s the best I could fine when I set up my account. And todays date actually said, my photos don’t do me justice… I laughed and said “well they’re my best ones, so I can’t do anything about it”

So any advice on photos for OLD would be appreciated

Hello all

I was on here a while ago & recognise some names, I hope everybody, old & new is doing well dabbling in this strange world of OLD!

I've recently joined back up, first few men, just after sex, next one got all arsey with me because I messaged him first! 'That's not the way it's done, otherwise the woman simply looks desperate'. Er, nice! I didn't block him just sent a simple 'Thank you for that perspective'. He then sent 6! More messages in quick succession apologizing & begging me to talk to him. Nope.

New one, seems nice. Ooh, he seems very nice indeed! I'm a little bit exited about this one so thought I'd better come back on here so you lot can keep me grounded!

So I don't have much time child free this weekend & he has even less, we've found a time when we can both meet & he's wanting to go for a walk & then lunch. I know the first one should be date zero really & just a quick one, but if it's the only chance we can get for a while, to actually meet up, then is it ok to have a slightly longer date zero, do you think?

How do you feel about this....

@LuckyLinda3 I’m not over him. I actually thought he was back in touch to hook up but no it was to tell me that I ruined everything. That I had got too close to him and he needed to live his life and not be accountable to anyone. We had agreed we were exclusive sex wise but he was hanging out with a woman half my age and I wasn’t happy because he was complaining he had no free time but spent it with her.

Aw that's tough @Username620 but you know you deserve better than that x

@NervesOfCotton Hello 👋

That sounds nice. I think we get ourselves twisted in rules and etiquette for this, especially as it changes a lot.

Do what works for you and what you’re comfortable with. Enjoy the date!

My first date with Mr Music was a hour coffee in the park as that’s all the time we had - the short dates are too short when you connect with someone.

Username620

just remember that just because someone is a good shag and makes us feel sexy
doesn’t mean they are a good person or good for us ! 😬

Good advice @Thisisworsethananticpated

Thank you LittleFloatingGhost

I've reined him in a bit from 'every spare second' on Saturday (which would lead me to worrying about the time for getting back to pick up my kids) to meeting at 5 tonight, for a walk, & possibly to eat, see how it goes.

I'm exited

The problem is, I've been treated SO badly doing OLD (Any horror story you can think of, I've been there!) & I'm now terribly insecure. Every time he reads my message then goes offline without replying (which is every message) I think... 'That's it then, he's not coming back'. & I was 99% expecting to be blocked this morning as that's just how my past experiences have been.

It's an awful way to feel!

He is saying all of the right things, we will only meet if I'm comfortable, only swap no's if I'm comfortable, he's coming to me, I can chose the walk & the restaurant if we want to later.

I just need to chill.

@NervesOfCotton its soooo hard to chill

if I like someone I tend to find my anxiety takes control and I overthink everything. It’s exhausting. If I’m not that fussed on someone then I am far more chill about it but then I think why am I progressing with someone I’m not that fussed about?

I’ve been on a couple of dates with someone at the moment who I can’t see myself in a relationship with (seeing him this weekend and will be honest and float the idea of FWB). My anxiety levels are near zero about it because I’m not emotionally invested. If I DID want a relationship with him I’d be an anxious mess!

fingers crossed for you, reining in sounds sensible

Thank you Mapleunicorn You are so right! I'm glad you are feeling chilled about yours.

I'm just stressed now as I can't find my 'First date dress' & that's the only one I want to wear!

@NervesOfCotton fingers crossed you find your dress and you can relax and enjoy. Remember to check back in and update us!

Hi @NoDatingFor0ldMen, hope you are well. Interesting reading your post. I remember early days after my separation and starting dating I remember being very insecure and thinking that I could be so easily replaced/he could meet someone fabulous so easily but you are right in a way. It takes time, serious graft and luck.
I'm more secure now and I know what I bring to the party but still if this doesn't work out I dread going back to old. Your approach of doing things that make us happy is definitely a good one.

Thank you LuckyLinda. Since my dress has apparently walked out of my wardrobe & left the house, I've found another one so that's done. This one is cream with Pale Pink roses, it's fitted on the top & floaty to just past the knees, I'd put it aside as I wasn't sure when I'd get to wear it.

Sounds fabulous @NervesOfCotton. Enjoy your date.

@NervesOfCotton Gutted for you to have had such awful experiences in the past. It’s hard to put those to one side and give a new person the benefit of the doubt.

It is so annoying when someone reads a message and doesn’t respond (but I know I do this too!).

@NervesOfCotton that dress sounds beautiful! I am looking forward to reading about your date.

I had a call with Mr Music last night which was really nice and our second date today at lunch, followed by a really nice kiss. I was so worried he would cancel, but seems good so far. We are arranging date 3 for next week.