Summer is going to be great for OLDaters and friends

[PinkIdentity]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I might add that I can be stubborn so when comms drop off I'll happily retreat and wait for him to message me which I know isn't ideal either.

I am completely confused. So it seems these days you can 1. Have sex - no relating 2. Have sex fwb - anyone care to define the relating here? 3. Have sex with many people - tell each other you are or don’t or just - is this relating or just screwing all and sundry over 4. Now we are all so confused sex we might be relating, exclusive or should we return to no 1 again?

The very least you should expect is a relationship. Other than that it’s just self gratuitous fucking. I really don’t care what people think but I’m sick of dating culture and sick of reading about people getting hurt. If you want to screw stop expecting anything other than what it is and complaining when the fuck boys walk alway

Youmustbe1977

Who so angry !?

that said it’s messy out there and is partly why the thread has gone so bloody quiet 🤐

i don’t know about everyone else but I’m happier single rn

I think on paper this fwb or any other combination sounds like nirvana. However, the reality is either the development of a relationship, non-reciprocation of feelings, or die death.

@Thisisworsethananticpated I'm glad you're happy because that's really the most important thing.

I think there is definitely a difference between exclusive and a relationship. For me, a relationship means you have decided that person is for you, and you want to explore building a future together (in whatever form that may take). But it takes a while to know someone well enough to make that assessment. Exclusive is saying I’m interested to see if there is enough here but I want to protect my heart in the meantime by knowing we are both focused on figuring each other out without the distraction of other people

Those of you who say you’ve had 40/50/100 first dates - how??

Ive been single 3 years and on OLD since January and I’ve had 1 first date and not a sniff of anything else.
Chatted to a handful of others and either realised they weren’t right for me or else got ghosted.
Not sure what I’m doing wrong to be getting absolutely no offers whatsoever

@SamW98 quality over quantity 😉 I've been on dates with 9 people so far this year - am still single 😉😄

Thats 8 more than me even if you’re filtering them out.

In 6 months I’ve only had one date and not even close to any others. That’s what I mean - I’m wondering what I’m doing wrong to not even have any interest from OLD.

@Harrypewter 200 miles? What was the distance limit on your settings(and hers), and when you were setting it did you seriously intend to travel hundreds of miles regularly if needed?

SamW98

could be the profile ? Could be rural area ?
i know people have done profile reviews on this thead and given constructive feedback

and what site ?

the sites I got the most traffic on were tinder and FEELD as 🍆 central
on tinder I foolishly wrote ‘I’m a single mum , kids are away and looking for fun’
we live and learn 😂

Interesting... I suppose looking back to pre-OLD days, I did date some people exclusively but wouldn't have said I was in a relationship, but that's more because the expectation was that you dated one person at a time.

I think for me I think a relationship develops from tentative to the committed, without any particular defining moment between agreeing to be exclusive, and something major like moving-in/engagement. I suppose there have been moments when we've said "do we call each other gf/bf" etc or something similar but for some reason that's either occurred at the point of exclusivity (when much younger) or just been clarifying what we already knew to be the case.

@SamW98 are you being extremely selective? Then it's no harm that you aren't dating all the time. It sounds like you are just fed up with the lack of good matches. I think this is when one should step off the dating trail, when it makes you question yourself.

So my phone broke and I have lost Mr Absent's number. If he contacts me again then it's fine, if not, then the universe is sending me a sign.

CheesecakeAddict

it’s summer and men seem to be hornier rn
i suspect you will hear from him 🙂

Hello - first time poster in this thread but long time lurker - am a recent arrival in OLD world; am going on 5th date tomorrow. My tally so far is 3 nice no chemistry, 1 = married still - obviously I didn't know prior to the date. I spoke to Mr Chatterbox for 45 minutes this evening for the first time, real date is tomorrow. I hardly got a word in edge-ways - so much chat about himself, his job, what a great bloke he is...I already don't want to go tomorrow. Am hoping to be pleasantly surprised irl but gut feel says unlikely.

We didn't meet on an app. It was an accidental meeting, we arranged a date in between where we lived. It's taken hold and progressing.
Yes, I would travel anywhere for the right person.
The world is a large place.
I think restricting oneself to a person just around the corner isn't appealing for me at least. I have a great business which basically means I can fund and manage any amount of time I need to do what I want. I don't mind traveling, in fact, I travel abroad and have done for quick social events.

Anyhow, we can only meet atm for 2-3 days every other week. Last night's conversation lasted for 5 hr 40 mins. Monday's chat was 2 hrs.
We can talk about anything and everything, the chemistry is off the scale.
We're discussing future plans, meeting friends, and holidays.
Logistics places a natural brake on the relationship.

Communication has been very sparse and very tame all week. Feeling out of sync and almost apprehensive about the weekend. I've noticed that when we aren't communicating my paranoia rears it's head again. Trying to stay calm and chilled and hoping for a good talk at the weekend if we see each other.

Out of curiosity, you say you have had “no offers “.

how many men have you asked out on a 1st date ?

@LuckyLinda3 I’m not surprised that you’re feeling a bit unsettled about things. Are there definite plans in place for seeing each other at the weekend? I think I remember correctly that you said the other day that you fluctuate between wanting/needing to talk this through and then thinking you’d rather just slip back into having a nice time and doing what you do best when you’re together. I guess for me the question is how many times do these bumps in the road happen before you grow tired of the dynamic. You don’t need repeated weeks like this current one. Depending on what your “best version” of this relationship looks like I would try to be clear about I love it when things are like this …. but I find it difficult when…..happens. I don’t think it’s much of an ask to be considered and made to feel a priority when he has spare time. IF he gets defensive about work shifts/ downtime with friends then you will need to weigh up if what he’s offering you is enough.

Other than the one I went on absolutely zero

Chatted to a handful and meeting been mentioned but it’s never got that far

I don’t think I’m too selective but speaking to friends they say I can be fussy so maybe I am.

Tbh dating is a totally new thing for me. After being with ex for 25 years I’ve never really been on a date before so very inexperienced in this world.

I don’t doubt myself at all. I think I would make a bloody good partner it’s just maybe my inexperience of the dating world means I need to have a rethink

Anyway I’m off to Greece tomorrow so maybe a Shirley Valentine experience awaits me 🤣🤣

NoDatingFor0ldMen
longtime no post

you having fun on the not dating cycling bench !?