Summer is going to be great for OLDaters and friends

[PinkIdentity]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@WitheringTights000 meetup groups? Saying yes to every event? OLD is definitely for the thick skinned

@LadybirdHere - what type of meet-up groups? I am really bad at sports etc so sporty groups are out haha

Yes it's awful, I have never been spoken to as badly in my life as I've been spoken to on OLD....it made me feel awfu l

There are lots, different hobby related ones. Google MeetUp and you'll see so many. Or work? Or pub quizzes?

I think people still feel romantic/hopeful these days but that online dating has become passé. The only ones I know who have done well, certainly out of my friends, are the men. I know 3 who met long term partners online and are still with them. None of the women have met anyone worth it to mention.

I need a hobby
But nothing interests me
Like, nothing !

Has anyone else got the issue of no childcare? I've tried to find baby sitting apps but no one is reliable enough for me to join a club

VanillaSox

saw your update . That must have been very sad to hear that given you remain no comms

this prolonged silence seems to make it harder not easier to move on ?

OLDatingdisaster

i put an ad on my local Facebook page
have two girls I use time to time
met one with her mum ! And one is nursery teacher and wants extra cash (so crb checked )

NellyTheCake

sorry to hear about 👻 👻

what happened ? Was it’s a post shag disappear ?
we’re you suprised or had comms gone quiet ?

WitheringTights000

im not sure if the apps are the problem
or rather navigating casual dating in the messed up post covid world ?

im sure I’ll end up venturing back but i do want to set my filters and boundaries better

for example
if I know I want someone my age don’t waste time on someone 35 (let alone 23!)
If I know i want F as well as B don’t Entertain sexual chat too early
don’t swipe and chat when in a low mood
avoid week days
dont judge photos too much if they seem like a nice person
stick with a walk and coffee for a first meeting

dont be scared to walk away early
there is no scarcity

sorry this is my sunnbaked ramblings !

Hi all - I was the one who had the guy cheat on her 6 weeks in despite him asking to go exclusive! I read some of the post afterwards and could relate and felt pretty lonely and empty.

But I’ve tried to pick myself up and have joined a choir taster session and rejoined the gym. Like @LadybirdHere said, I’m going to see what meet up groups there are locally as I would so prefer to meet someone naturally.

I’ve also gone back to OLD and am contacting guys that I would have normally written off. I’m glad the dip didn’t last long and I’m trying to just be content in myself and remember it’s better to be single than in an awful relationship.

How’s everyone else? Any dates lined up? Or new groups they’ve joined recently?

I've been on 3 first dates so far, one a week, different men, I've not fancied any of them, despite being very picky in matching in the first place, not just physical but just not feeling they would be compatible, one made it clear he would be prioritising kids and hobbies over a relationship, kept moaning about cost of living, second one lied about his age, only wanted very casual (sex creep vibes) 3rd date, 35 year old still at home with parents, emotionally scarred by ex gf and life in general, no chemistry for me and felt bad letting him go but not for me.

Just a vent really, does it get better 😌

Hello, Just thought I’d pop by and say hello,

had a few dates with someone who just really didn’t have the time to date at all ( why do people do this)

coffee date with with someone else, seemed to go okay but got, good bit of chat etc, then got ghosted 👻, I think she was probably talking to other men & I was 2nd or 3rd choice .., few other chats, but mostly boring

Weather is good, so I’m off dating now and mostly out cycling

@Thisisworsethananticpated I’m interested re this comment

“don’t be scared to walk away early
there is no scarcity”

I do agree, but what’s your view on how early you walk away? I’m fairly new to all this so want to find the balance between making rash decisions and taking enough time to weigh things up.

Esmejane81

it’s a good question and point
I didn’t walk away for one whole year as the sex was so good and i really fancied him

and I didn’t walk from the last one as sex was good but he was weird then he dumped me !

so I need to practice what i preach !

maybe patience is better, you may be in the apps for a while before you connect with someone nice

but i have managed to meet nice men before so I have to assume I’ll meet them again !?

Yeah it's hard sometimes
I really think if MrNoEffort hadn't been so good in bed and I found him so attractive that he would have been kicked to the curb much much sooner
Instead I just kept making up excuses for him and questioning if I was overreacting
If I hadn't fancied him there would have been no question that he was wasting my time

So, Ms. Iceberg and I are no more.
The initial weekend was great. However, I behaved in a rather juvenile manner in the latter and she didn't appreciate this. I'm embarrassed by myself tbh.
It's going to be a long couple of weeks of self-reflection.

I really, really liked her.😞

As for how much time when to walk away. I believe in watching what people do rather than what people say. Especially early on, there could be a myriad of reasons for how they're representing themselves. I certainly know myself I can be very court-jesters in my behavior and a bit of a caricature. I've always been open to overlooking things. Then again I don't have a stringent mental list of do's and don'ts.
I believe chemistry with another is quite rare.

Anyhow, I have a long weekend away with my kids at Center Parcs, so I'm going to try to enjoy that.

I seem to go through phases with OLD

First is excitement when the matches & messages start to arrive. And I think, yeah, men like me, so I arrange lots of dates that never go anywhere.

Second is boredom. The matches & messages disappear. So I decide I can't be bothered sending messages that get ignored.

Currently I've reached sarcasm phase. When I get messages that just say 'hi gorgeous', 'hi sexy' or the latest 'your beautiful, i fancy u', I send a reply giving them some helpful advice on how to talk to women and have a decent conversation.
Funnily enough I never hear from them again.

But I keep the hope that someone decent is out there for me.

Hello, just popping by. I was on the last thread and seems to have got very lucky with one of my first ever Tinder dates. Well, I'm still seeing Mr Tall and he continues to be lovely. He's incredibly thoughtful and surprises me (in a good way) a lot. We even have a little trip away booked. He's very open about his feelings where as I am more reserved. I have always had poor self-esteem and sometimes have to push away thoughts of "What does he see in me?" Plus insecurities about my body. In my younger years I felt very unlovable (childhood stuff) and, whilst I'm better than I was, meeting Mr Tall has let some of those residual feelings creep in at times. Anyway, he is a huge positive in my life. It has only been 8 weeks so am still treading carefully....unlike him!

I'm afraid I've not kept up with the minutiae of the thread but will have a read today. Wishing you all luck. Xx

I am sorry it didn't work out for you with Ms Iceberg - however I can so relate as I am a pretty laid back person but have been known to turn into a chaotic motormouth with nerves. On my last date I made a concerted effort to be more myself and he commented "you are very chilled aren't you, I don't know what to make of it" - can't win haha!

CP is fabulous isn't it - enjoy :)

Morning, update from me. My first date on Friday night turned into a very impromptu bar crawl followed by a second unexpected drunken night on the Saturday. Completely irresponsible but it was a lot of fun.

I don’t think we have enough in common for it to really go anywhere but my god there is chemistry. I think I might just say screw it and see if he is up for a wine/sex filled few weeks of fun 🤩

Its not something I thought I would really be up for but it turns out I am!

Quick update-the Iceberg has melted. We've both apologized and we're going to carry on.

My business persona is quite controlled. However I'm very good at waffling and my leisure persona is erm, a bit egocentric and bold. I talk a lot and I'm very open. I don't really have an outlet for that giddiness anymore. It is something I'm working thru with the counselor.

The children love CP, long hrs in the pool, just Daddy and them.

Mapleunicorn

sounds like fun 🤩
if you can manage expectations why not ?
i would 👿

Harrypewter
well that’s the fastest thaw I’ve ever seen ! We can sadly say she’s not a sulker (which is good 😊)

@Mapleunicorn I would!!

@Harrypewter 🤣 amazing turnaround - great news!

Hello - new to OLD after being single through choice for 3 years and it’s a minefield.

Had a couple of dates, both nice guys but more friends than any attraction.

Then matched with guy on Bumble who seemed really nice. Attractive, same age, fairly local. After few messages we had a phone call which lasted 3 hours. Chatted for next few days then he randomly sent me a naked pic 🤦‍♀️

I told him I thought it was inappropriate and he made a load of comments about me being a prudish drama Queen making a fuss over nothing so I called it off and cancelled our planned date.

Pretty much forgot about him within a day or two then he suddenly out the blue sent me a message on WhatsApp with a meme of a fat ugly blob like creature saying ‘I want a man who’s 6’2 Rich good car who pays for everything’

Obviously he’s now blocked but it’s not a great experience so far - please tell me I’ve dodged a bullet with this prick?

Dodged a bullet? I think that goes without saying.

Erfff. Block him on everything and don't give a moment's further thought.