Summer is going to be great for OLDaters and friends

[PinkIdentity]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I only recently worked out this was the long running dating thread because it didn't shout it in the title...whoops!

I've had a run of bad luck recently with being ghosted. Not once but twice.
Annoying as they seemed to be decent men. But I'm not letting it get to me.

Still swiping and matching with men who can only string 2 words together or use innuendo. Why are men in their 50s so sleazy?? It's like they have no clue how to talk to women.

But I have a date at the weekend with someone who seems very nice & considerate. Not my usual type so I'm not sure how it will go.

If he's not right then I'll be taking a break ovet the summer.

I don't know if I have it in me for OLD....

@NellyTheCake - I agree about the men in their 50's who are sleazy!

I've recently been asked out by a 63 year old (I'm 30,turning 31)

He is a cosmetic surgeon and very successful, but I still think it's icky to ask out someone over 30 years younger than him!

It's lovely to hear from everyone.

I don't know where I am with Mr Absent. Since I've last posted we've met up on a night for sex a few times but that's it. But he doesn't engage in conversation during the week and if I initiate conversation he'll reply but then not ask any follow up questions. I have stopped taking it personally, but I'm getting bored of him tbh, as conversation is so important to me.

I have other conversations going on on tinder but tbh nothing that excites me.

I signed up to this thread and kept thinking I need to download the apps and get a profile, but then I had 6 days without the kids first time in 5 years, and went away to another country for 5 days to catch up with a friend who I haven't seen for nearly 5 years, and her husband I hadn't seen for nearly 7!
When kissing her husband, who only returned from his trip away the day before I was due to leave I realised I don't remember when I last kissed even a cheek of a man who I weren't related to! It felt kind of novel 😂

Also made me think I need to hurry up and do something about the apps, and then I came here and read all the latest messages and feel a little worried. Also wanted to download Tinder and Bumble but my older kids and their friends told me it's only "pig meat" on Tinder, not to touch it! But surely if I was considering it then it's not only pig meat 😀and apparently it has far more men than women, but I am slightly apprehensive catching up on this thread that it would be all talk about hook ups. I do not feel ready for a full blown romantic relationship but I don't want anyone talking about favourite sexual positions or suggesting exchanging nudes two minutes into the conversation. Is Tinder really that bad?
I do plan to get Bumble too, and possibly Hinge, they just seem relationship-oriented by reputation, plus I'm worried I'll match with someone on Bumble but will be busy and won't have time to message them...there's no time limit on when to start a conversation on Tinder, is there?
I also feel that apart from kisses and sex what I miss the most in real life is intellectual conversation, and I really want the company of someone who has read some books...someone slightly geeky and/or educated and interesting, wherever their interests lie, but is it even possible to find such people on common dating apps?

Appreciate it’s a bit quiet on this thread at the mo, but I have a very promising first date tomorrow! 🤞🤞

RadiantRainbow

i met a couple of nice people on tinder
bit the quantity is , high and it overwhelmed me

and rest assured bumble and hinge is not full of men only ‘wanting relationships’ 🤣🤣🤣

you can strike that one off the worry list asap

Mapleunicorn

good ! They can and do happen
just an Ill wind blows

ChaliceinWonderland
thinking of you
please to tend to yourself if you still feel bad

Hinge is awful for my self esteem as I have never had a single match on there!

I'm talking to a really lovely guy at the moment (from tinder) we laugh a lot, and chat a lot BUT we can't find a time where we are both free and can get child care at the same time for several weeks (he's even shared a screenshot of his phone calendar and sent it to me because he, apparently, really wants to meet). I'm torn on him. If I keep chatting to him as a friend I know how I am, I'll lose track of finding a partner and get overly invested in a man who wants the girlfriend experience without the effort. But equally he's done nothing wrong to make me walk away from him.

I need someone to be ruthless for me

Lol
Ok, then let's see what's out there. I have a feeling the first person I'd see among single men in the area would be my ex-H 😬

Well I downloaded Hinge again
Talking to a few
Looks like my child custody battle will be very slow and long
Still missing MrNoEffort and wondering if I was the problem
Solidarity with all the fed up daters at the moment

Thank you.
Neither party is in a position or has a need to embark on a journey towards co-habiting. Consequently, intimacy and dating are a perfect addition to both of our lives.
It's nice to have a lover and a companion without the whirlwind neediness.

Harrypewter

I think what you have is what many people want after divorce , I’m assuming she has kids also ?

this reminds me when my bruises heal (and they will I know that ) I basically need another single dad or someone with kids and the same issues I have

the one without kids didn’t understand and judged
the one with kids had a major toxic custody issue and bitterness

qqq82
I’m not proud bit I hooked up with my version of no effort after I was ‘dumped ‘

honestly it wasn’t great

the care has gone , he’s turned even more bitter and angry and it was a bit ugly if I’m being honest

just hang tight with the feelings
they really will pass

I check in with this thread nearly every day (but never post ha) but it's such a relief to see that nearly everyone is experiencing the same dating post divorce with kids etc. I've dabbled with OLD three times in the last 7 months, but only for a couple of weeks each time. Ultimately I find it just hurts my self esteem and I recognise I am still in a vulnerable place. I have ended up in two "situationships" where I am aware of the red flags but have still ultimately let them mess me around. One with a lovely guy who just genuinely didnt have much time available. Lovely when we were together but very infrequent and very little communication in between. The other the chemistry was great but he turned out to be a complete mess who still calls at 2 am saying he has feelings for me but is too scared to get into a relationship then disappears for a week saying he's staying away for my benefit cause I'm too good for him. So for now I am embracing being single, spending time with friends and family and staying off the apps (trying to resist the temptation to set up a new profile when bored).
Good luck to anyone chatting/dating over the weekend. I love hearing the success stories !!

Yes, we both have children. Professionally everything is stable. Both of us have been and are going through a journey post-split. Nothing too heavy. The dynamic with our prospective exes is different. I have no ties to my ex, she's not the children's mother.
There's the chemistry of attraction yet stability. The establishment of normality.
Certainly for myself, I'm surprised how different this feels from the overwhelming rush of previous experiences.

I've dated one like your 2nd one before, he still pops up every few months with a message 😒 my experience is they don't ever go away sadly

So bumped into a guy whose gigs I used to go too regularly with MrWoz. We are all on a WhatsApp group so am aware of the gigs but have only been to one since last date with MrWoz 3 months ago. We used to be a regular fixture and they initially thought we were married but often commented how good we together. They were really pleased to see me and good wife said 'hey we saw MrWoz at the gig on Monday and asked where you were -he said you 'are still friends but no longer a couple'
Quite a good answer I thought -face saving for both of us tho I am still bewildered and still feeling wretched -more real now that everyone knows.
(For those new to the thread we were together for about 18 months but very poor communication and lots of stress. At our closest in January till he went away with his bro and when he came back was brittle and stopped communicating entiirely) He is massively insecure and always thought I was about to dump him -exhausting.

Let us know how it goes! Bathroom updates!

@Findingmeagain I had a period of 3 years after my divorce where I was voluntarily single and not looking to get into a relationship, just focusing on me. I think it is worth spending a substantial amount of time to enjoy spending time with yourself, build in your own routines and hobbies, build up a career, engage with ant kidd without having a man taking attention. It's certainly helped with not being scared of my own company and knowing I don't have to accept crappy behaviour. I certainly still have my battle scars but I'm that period of self actualisation, despite feeling like an eat-pray-love cliché was vital

@ChaliceinWonderland remember life is worth living not just when we are happy/not lonely, we are meant to feel all the feelings, including very sad, it's just part of the package of human experience.
But I'm sure there would be some useful lectures on Youtube for combatting loneliness, not practical advice (you could probably search mumsnet for that, ideas on making life less lonely when you are a single mum), but psychological therapy to help you feel content and fulfilled even in your own good company (usually involves work with your inner child). Good on finding a FWB, I think I'd like that most of all at the current stage of my life...

OLDatingdisaster - low and behold, after a month of very minimal contact, he's called a few times this week only to announce he has a date tonight and he hopes he hasn't made me cry by telling me ! All mind games. In my mind I wrote lots of nasty replies but in real life I just text good luck, hope it goes well, I'm fine. I think if I block him it will play on my mind more but I'm sure in another month he will resurface. I do not need this person in my life.

@Findingmeagain next time just reply 'who's this?'
What an absolute tool
He sounds like he's 12

Hey there everyone. After a 2 year hiatus I've decided I'm ready and want to meet someone.
Bumble has been my app of choice. And I've a couple of irons!
Mr Florida is a mere 25 mins from me which is kinda expected as a minimum- there is nobody in my small, dull hometown. Similar age (early 50s) and has two kids 7&9 which was a surprise but not a deal breaker for me. Meeting next Saturday during the day and take it from there.
Mr Sparky is child free, self employed and no scope to move location as this has been the cause of previous relationship break down. However he is 1hr20 from me BUT 15 mins from my work - I do WFH 90% but intend to I've closer when personal life allows. He's very emotionally intelligent, interesting, funny. We messaged for hours and it just kept flowing.
So. We shall see....! Feel quite excited!

What does everyone do if they can't handle the dating apps?

I'm very sensitive, I over-think and I do not have a thick skin. I don't feel that dating apps are right for me....but otherwise how am I going to meet someone?