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Original poster

Looks like it’s over

106 replies

Siltedrain · 07/05/2023 08:39

18 yrs together. Married 3 kids. Since our son is 10 and stays up at the weekend, we are finding it hard to fit in s8x.
My husband only wants “fun” sex which means me dressing up and parading around infront of him, twirling around. Which to be truthful I don’t want to do every weekend. He’s mean most of the week, and only starts being nice at the weekend when he knows it’s sex time. Last night I just couldn’t bring myself to dress up and twirl around like a monkey for him. This morning he has come downstairs telling me there’s obviously nothing left between us and having a tantrum about it. He doesn’t hug or kiss me and the only time he touches me is when sex is involved.
he won’t have normal sex, or in the bedroom. It has to be in the living room.
Am I wrong for not giving him what he wants? He says I’m demanding because to get in the mood I want some interaction with him.

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 07/05/2023 08:42

Oh blimey. I'd be thrilled that he called it a day. What are your options financially?

Original poster
Siltedrain · 07/05/2023 08:57

Well we own the house together. I work full time.
I just don’t know how he can’t see what he’s asking for isn’t sustainable every week.

OP posts:
lupinlapain · 07/05/2023 08:59

What about what you want? This sounds very much like it's his way or he'll be grumpy.

Weenurse · 07/05/2023 09:00

Think about life without him and compare it to how you are living now. What do you choose?
You don’t have to do anything straight away, but have a plan, just in case

OldEvilOwl · 07/05/2023 09:00

Help him pack his bags

CherryCokeFanatic · 07/05/2023 09:01

Siltedrain · 07/05/2023 08:57

Well we own the house together. I work full time.
I just don’t know how he can’t see what he’s asking for isn’t sustainable every week.

I wouldn’t focus or worry about this point. Even if he accepts you’re not going to dress up for him every weekend, do you still want to be with him despite the lack of touch and effort on his side?

I doubt he will make wholesale change for you. Most people can’t m/don’t /won’t change significantly. It’s just who they are.

dudsville · 07/05/2023 09:01

I can understand how this might still be a surprise and a shock of change for you, but to an outsider this sounds like it would be a most welcome change.

Callyem · 07/05/2023 09:02

You are not being unreasonable. It sounds like the parading around to get him off is a symptom of a lack of love an intimacy. He is probably trying to call your bluff to get his own way. Don't let him hold you to ransom - start planning.

Seas164 · 07/05/2023 09:03

Get the suitcases down from the loft and call him a taxi.

What a prick.

Original poster
Siltedrain · 07/05/2023 09:16

Yes I’m looking for an outsiders opinion. I don’t get why he can’t see the window of opportunity is sex is strangling the fun and love out of it. Every weekend it’s like this. I hate it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Siltedrain · 07/05/2023 09:18

Callyem · 07/05/2023 09:02

You are not being unreasonable. It sounds like the parading around to get him off is a symptom of a lack of love an intimacy. He is probably trying to call your bluff to get his own way. Don't let him hold you to ransom - start planning.

Yes it makes me feel as though he might as well be paying me for it. There’s so cuddling or nothing before hand, it’s like right get up and put ur bits on let’s go. It’s not making me feel open to it at all

OP posts:
msisfine · 07/05/2023 09:19

Bin him off, find someone who can give you what you need.

ThatsNotMyFootrest · 07/05/2023 09:22

He doesn’t care if it’s sustainable for you. He wants what he wants and he just simply does not care what that means for you.

ArcticSkewer · 07/05/2023 09:24

If you charged an hourly rate you might actually find it more acceptable.

That's pretty damming!

He is treating you like an hourly paid sex worker that he employs on a regular weekend basis

Thebigblueballoon · 07/05/2023 09:26

Urgh. What a knob. Does he even bother to make it fun for you during this ‘fun’ sex.

Call his bluff and tell him to jog on. I bet this is an adult tantrum on his part.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 07/05/2023 09:30

That’s quite unsettling. Tbf, he seems to be treating you like a tart, but you aren’t being paid, not in reciprocity, consideration, kindness…. I think not having sex in the bedroom is particularly weird, it is as if he is somehow disassociating it from everyday life

I would be quite worried that this sort of behaviour will escalate.

Topee · 07/05/2023 09:39

Has he ever asked what you would like from him sex wise?
It sounds as though he thinks you’re there to service his wants.

Original poster
Siltedrain · 07/05/2023 09:41

He’s told me it’s over now. The marriage is over. So there we go.

OP posts:
FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 07/05/2023 09:42

He's trying to scare you into doing what he wants. I highly doubt he's actually going to end your marriage - but I really think you should. This is no way to live.

Thebigblueballoon · 07/05/2023 09:43

I hope he’s packing his bags, OP.
He’s going to be in for a shock when his behaviour sinks in.

snitzelvoncrumb · 07/05/2023 09:45

Does he mean it, or is he waiting for you to beg him to stay promising sex every night? Start making arrangements for him to move out and see what happens.

CastleTurrets · 07/05/2023 09:47

You will feel an immense sense of relief when he is gone. I think it's an idle threat to try to make you comply though.

If he doesn't finish it make sure you do.

You are worth more than this and deserve better.

Daleksatemyshed · 07/05/2023 09:47

It's a shock now Op but I think in the long run you'll be happier without him, he shows you no love or kindness, all he cares about is sex. Your life will be so much better without him

Guineasrule · 07/05/2023 09:49

You hate it as there is no real, respectful relationship behind his requests. You are feeling like an object purely for his gratification. He is not interested in what works for you.

Personally I would take this opportunity to cheer, what your (not his) options are and chuck him out.

Alcemeg · 07/05/2023 09:50

Ugh, he wants to be entertained. Let him go and pay for it... (which I can't help thinking he might have done anyway, if this is his approach to "intimacy").

Yippee, you can start looking forward to a life without weekends twirling dutifully around the sofa to please your bad-tempered master!

OP, it sounds as though your life is about to improve dramatically.