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Original poster

Looks like it’s over

106 replies

Siltedrain · 07/05/2023 08:39

18 yrs together. Married 3 kids. Since our son is 10 and stays up at the weekend, we are finding it hard to fit in s8x.
My husband only wants “fun” sex which means me dressing up and parading around infront of him, twirling around. Which to be truthful I don’t want to do every weekend. He’s mean most of the week, and only starts being nice at the weekend when he knows it’s sex time. Last night I just couldn’t bring myself to dress up and twirl around like a monkey for him. This morning he has come downstairs telling me there’s obviously nothing left between us and having a tantrum about it. He doesn’t hug or kiss me and the only time he touches me is when sex is involved.
he won’t have normal sex, or in the bedroom. It has to be in the living room.
Am I wrong for not giving him what he wants? He says I’m demanding because to get in the mood I want some interaction with him.

OP posts:
pimplebum · 07/05/2023 10:39

He can pay a high end sex worker to do that for him

You are his wife and should be cherished above and beyond his orgasims

HappyintheHills · 07/05/2023 10:40

Siltedrain · 07/05/2023 10:15

He’s currently shouting up the stairs at me that I’ve made him feel like this way, and he’s got the message. He wants to be happy and us not being intimate is down to me. He says I don’t talk, I stopped talking a while ago because he always talks over me or shouts me down. All while our daughter is in the next room listening. I’ve asked him to stop and we will talk at an appropriate time. He shouldn’t do it infront the kids. Just carrying on.

I wonder if he’s considered how his behaviour affects you and especially the DC?

midlifecrash · 07/05/2023 10:41

He’s fetishising you, treating you as a kind of accessory to him getting off. So sorry OP, it does seem to be over, and I agree with everyone that this is a good thing, especially after the updates about how he speaks to you and the children.

Original poster
Siltedrain · 07/05/2023 10:44

Peridot1 · 07/05/2023 10:30

So he wants you to dress up like some kind of hooker and parade around the living room and have sex in the living room when any of your children could walk in and now he is shouting about your sex life in front of them?

Exactly this. The kids could walk in at any minute. We have to wait until they are asleep which is about 11:30pm / 12pm by then I’m knackered. It’s weird.

OP posts:
Dedodee · 07/05/2023 10:44

Your poor dc.
Their dad is abusing their dm and he doesn't care if they hear.
Have the dc never come down stairs during a 'performance?'
I couldn't have sex in those conditions, I'd be on edge.

Original poster
Siltedrain · 07/05/2023 10:44

Also when we have sex I’ve noticed he can’t sustain an erection for long. I keep having to get it going again. The whole thing is exhausting

OP posts:
Dedodee · 07/05/2023 10:47

Siltedrain · 07/05/2023 10:44

Also when we have sex I’ve noticed he can’t sustain an erection for long. I keep having to get it going again. The whole thing is exhausting

Seriously tell him you're relieved it's over because he's definitely lacking in the bedroom dept.
Get a nice normal partner who will be considerate and caring.

Hungryfrogs23 · 07/05/2023 10:48

What an absolute prick. He is so far beyond selfish and thoughtless, to both you and your DC its staggering.
Tell him to make sure the door doesn't hit him on the way out 🙄

Grrrpredictivetex · 07/05/2023 10:48

Does your husband watch porn? From what you've said I'd think he does.

Callyem · 07/05/2023 10:50

Dedodee · 07/05/2023 10:47

Seriously tell him you're relieved it's over because he's definitely lacking in the bedroom dept.
Get a nice normal partner who will be considerate and caring.

Show quote history

This! Tell him that your needs are not being met and you agree that the marriage is over. Take the control off of him and ask him to move out. He is trying to bully you. There is no love here.

Newmumma83 · 07/05/2023 10:52

OP this is typical male tactics make you feel guilty using alot of
language of you did this, you do that , you are the problem .

when you sit down to talk later and he is busy piling on what you have done ,

I would start with , when in the past I have tried to talk to you , you shout or get angry and therefore I didn’t feel listened to so it felt pointless to communicate but I am open to changing that.

sex is important to me also, but also you don’t show affection outside of when you want sex or really before , it makes me feel like I mean anything to you other than a hole to place your penis which is a huge turn off.
the occasional cuddle , kind word or kiss during the week would be nice, so I don’t feel so used … guaranteed by now he is shouting …. So you can refer to point A of you have helped create a environment that it feels pointless to communicate ,and that your emotional needs and affection are not being met much like his one night if not getting his kinky sex … poor baby ( perhaps don’t add the poor baby part - god he is a man baby )

rainbowstardrops · 07/05/2023 10:58

Siltedrain · 07/05/2023 09:41

He’s told me it’s over now. The marriage is over. So there we go.

Good! I hope you're currently getting the bunting out and popping open some bubbles?!
Tell him to fuck off.

W0tnow · 07/05/2023 10:59

That is one of the saddest OPs I’ve ever read.

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 07/05/2023 11:07

OP I’m sorry this is all going so badly today.

Is there anyway you can get the kids and you out of the house today? This must be incredibly upsetting for all of you.

He is blaming you for his own impotence, and is abusive in doing so. What he wants is for you to be so cowed that you never say no to him again!

This really is the end of your relationship, and while it will be a tough road ahead, your life will be so much better off long term. As will the lives of your children, they will learn that you don’t have to put up with shit and you can recover and stand up for yourself.

When you have a wobble come on here for support.

MermaidEyes · 07/05/2023 11:10

Siltedrain · 07/05/2023 09:41

He’s told me it’s over now. The marriage is over. So there we go.

Count yourself lucky. He sounds a knob. Find someone better.

Disco2023 · 07/05/2023 11:14

Urgh call him on his bluff. He is expecting you to agree to his demands over fear of losing him. Pack his bags for him.

Ask yourself truly what he brings to your life because what you have stayed here is not very appealing and I’d rather be on my own! Sex isn’t about him and his demands only. You should be enjoying it too. Relationships aren’t just about sex. If he is grumpy and mean in the week leading up to sex it’s hardly gonna put you in the mood. Absolutely not a good relationship.

Id this was a close friend or family member what would you say/advise them?

SittingOnTheChair · 07/05/2023 11:15

Urgh. What an awful life to be living.

Pack his bags for him.

Yuck.

Tinnedsausageandbeans · 07/05/2023 11:18

My ex was like this - 2 kids with him - he’s an ex for many reasons and part of it was this. Wouldn’t have sex unless it was me dressed up and it being a performance. Had to dress up and send him photos of myself from a different room and then he would kick off if he thought the photos were ‘boring’ . It’s abusive and he was abusive in other areas of the relationship too

Consequently I never dress up for my new partner and don’t need to - much healthier relationship and indeed sex life

OP - I feel for you. I do actually think you would be happier out of the relationship.

loislovesstewie · 07/05/2023 11:21

Firstly it's no surprise that you don't want sex with a man who shows no physical affection and just treats you like a sex worker. Secondly does he ever actually consider your pleasure in all this? Thirdly he is a horrible person and you will be better off without him. He is being abusive to both you and your children. Please don't let him talk you round, he won't change. He can pay someone to take part in his fetish and you can live a perfectly happy life away from him.

TheShellBeach · 07/05/2023 11:23

Fucksake what have I just read?

Furrydogmum · 07/05/2023 11:27

Dressing up for dry sex isn't much of a marriage to be honest. Say OK and make sure you keep any messages relating to these demands, to use in your divorce. Good luck, you will be happier without him.

Clementinesucks · 07/05/2023 11:27

Don’t try and talk to him. Just agree with him it’s over. If he tries to backtrack hold him to what he said as he brings nothing to your life. Good riddance.

notapizzaeater · 07/05/2023 11:34

I'd be celebrating tbh ! You don't need this crap in your life.

Purplecatshopaholic · 07/05/2023 11:39

OMG, I got the ick just reading that! You’ll feel nothing but relief when this guy goes op.

TheApplianceofScience · 07/05/2023 11:44

Rejoice

Then

Re plan your life and plan for the lovely one you will have without him.