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Original poster

Looks like it’s over

106 replies

Siltedrain · 07/05/2023 08:39

18 yrs together. Married 3 kids. Since our son is 10 and stays up at the weekend, we are finding it hard to fit in s8x.
My husband only wants “fun” sex which means me dressing up and parading around infront of him, twirling around. Which to be truthful I don’t want to do every weekend. He’s mean most of the week, and only starts being nice at the weekend when he knows it’s sex time. Last night I just couldn’t bring myself to dress up and twirl around like a monkey for him. This morning he has come downstairs telling me there’s obviously nothing left between us and having a tantrum about it. He doesn’t hug or kiss me and the only time he touches me is when sex is involved.
he won’t have normal sex, or in the bedroom. It has to be in the living room.
Am I wrong for not giving him what he wants? He says I’m demanding because to get in the mood I want some interaction with him.

OP posts:
HappyintheHills · 07/05/2023 09:52

Siltedrain · 07/05/2023 09:41

He’s told me it’s over now. The marriage is over. So there we go.

That should be such a relief.

Start living separately, absolutely no wifely services, not food, washing, and especially no twirling

Appleass · 07/05/2023 09:53

Let him go, you're not his personal circus act! What an awful way to be treated, by someone who is supposed to love you. No Thanks get rid

BranchGold · 07/05/2023 09:54

I’m sorry you’re going through this op. I think you’d be so much happier now that the relationship is over. He’s only interested in degrading you as a sex toy, no care or intimacy.

Londontoderby · 07/05/2023 09:54

Good, walk away! Sex with him sounds shit, there is so much better out there, you don’t have to settle for crap!

pictoosh · 07/05/2023 09:56

Good, lucky you. He has given you an out and you'd be as well to take it.
He sounds awful. Don't dress up for him ever again. Look out some luggage for his stuff.

ItsNotWhatItsNot · 07/05/2023 09:57

congratulations on your new, peaceful, free life! You’ll be well rid of this utter embarrassment of a bloke.

Original poster
Siltedrain · 07/05/2023 10:15

He’s currently shouting up the stairs at me that I’ve made him feel like this way, and he’s got the message. He wants to be happy and us not being intimate is down to me. He says I don’t talk, I stopped talking a while ago because he always talks over me or shouts me down. All while our daughter is in the next room listening. I’ve asked him to stop and we will talk at an appropriate time. He shouldn’t do it infront the kids. Just carrying on.

OP posts:
pictoosh · 07/05/2023 10:18

Yes utterly selfish and with no interest in taking any accountability. He's an arsehole.

Daleksatemyshed · 07/05/2023 10:21

So he's a crap Dad as well as a crap DH, no way should he be talking about this in front of the DC. He's trying to embarrass/scare you into compliance with his sexual demands , that's all he's focussed on. Why would you want sex with a man who gives no thought to your pleasure, maybe he'd like to answer that?

Newestname002 · 07/05/2023 10:23

Siltedrain · 07/05/2023 09:41

He’s told me it’s over now. The marriage is over. So there we go.

Sort out your finances OP to see how you'd cope financially without him. That does mean stay with him are ask him to stay - just to plan your future without him. Even if money was a bit tighter emotionally it sounds like you'd be far better off without him sharing the same space as you. Remember this man doesn't care a stuff about you and even though he says it's over he'll probably still make things difficult for you so expect him to get nasty from here in. One thing- ensure he doesn't drain your joint savings/bank accounts as he exits. Open a new bank account he has no access to and transfer money into that. 🌹

billy1966 · 07/05/2023 10:25

He is a highly abusive bully and your child are being abused by being witness to this.

Tell him to leave or you will call the police.

Your poor children witnessing this.

So awful for them.

Get him out.

BlastedPimples · 07/05/2023 10:25

Please carry on and end it even if he grovels to come back.

He's destroying stability and calm for your dcs.

Don't be scared. He's a bully and needs to be kicked to the kerb.

Newestname002 · 07/05/2023 10:26

Sorry I meant:

That doesn't mean stay with him or ask him to stay 🌹

billy1966 · 07/05/2023 10:27

Remove 3/4 of any savings so that you are covered to look after the children.

Reach out to family and friends for support.

FishChipsMushyPeas · 07/05/2023 10:28

As if you say things like that in earshot of children. He's a total bully and the fact he has resorted to behaving like this in front of the kids says it all.

FishChipsMushyPeas · 07/05/2023 10:29

He isn't going anywhere, it's just a tactic to get you to do what you want.

Peridot1 · 07/05/2023 10:30

So he wants you to dress up like some kind of hooker and parade around the living room and have sex in the living room when any of your children could walk in and now he is shouting about your sex life in front of them?

FishChipsMushyPeas · 07/05/2023 10:31

What HE wants

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 07/05/2023 10:31

FishChipsMushyPeas · 07/05/2023 10:29

He isn't going anywhere, it's just a tactic to get you to do what you want.

I agree. He's waiting for you to beg and promise him sex on tap.

Men who think that touch, kissing and any form of physical intimacy must be reserved for sex are surprisingly common.

BitOutOfPractice · 07/05/2023 10:32

Take the kids out. When they are in the car, tell him that, as it’s over, you expect him to have his bags packed and be fucked off by the time you get back.

DrDavidStarKey · 07/05/2023 10:34

I would go out and purchase a banner that says 'YAY!' On the way from the back of the solicitor.

Thebigblueballoon · 07/05/2023 10:35

Peridot1 · 07/05/2023 10:30

So he wants you to dress up like some kind of hooker and parade around the living room and have sex in the living room when any of your children could walk in and now he is shouting about your sex life in front of them?

I was just about to type exactly this. Absolutely gross. Cares only about himself.

HappyintheHills · 07/05/2023 10:36

Peridot1 · 07/05/2023 10:30

So he wants you to dress up like some kind of hooker and parade around the living room and have sex in the living room when any of your children could walk in and now he is shouting about your sex life in front of them?

This.
What’s there to talk about?
Except when will he be leaving.

Livinghappy · 07/05/2023 10:37

You must be feeling shock as it's easy for us from the outside to say you should be relieved the marriage is over, it will take sometime for you to feel this. You have invested in a life together so it will take a while to adjust.

Sadly he doesn't seem capable of understanding your feelings and isn't interested in communicating or resolving the issues in a mature way. You only have 2 options if this is the case, tolerate his behaviour and submit to his demands or stand up for yourself and let him go. I imagine he thinks that there are other women out there who will happily accept his demands - he will be in for a shock!

Do you have family support?

TeeBee · 07/05/2023 10:38

Oooh, the rubbish took itself out.
Tell him he's quite right and you 100% agree that it's over and that he bores you sexually. Start sorting finances and get him a suitcase out.

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