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Original poster

Looks like it’s over

106 replies

Siltedrain · 07/05/2023 08:39

18 yrs together. Married 3 kids. Since our son is 10 and stays up at the weekend, we are finding it hard to fit in s8x.
My husband only wants “fun” sex which means me dressing up and parading around infront of him, twirling around. Which to be truthful I don’t want to do every weekend. He’s mean most of the week, and only starts being nice at the weekend when he knows it’s sex time. Last night I just couldn’t bring myself to dress up and twirl around like a monkey for him. This morning he has come downstairs telling me there’s obviously nothing left between us and having a tantrum about it. He doesn’t hug or kiss me and the only time he touches me is when sex is involved.
he won’t have normal sex, or in the bedroom. It has to be in the living room.
Am I wrong for not giving him what he wants? He says I’m demanding because to get in the mood I want some interaction with him.

OP posts:
philautia · 07/05/2023 11:45

Has he always treated you as a sex doll? If he has, did you just think this type of behaviour was normal?

If my partner expected me to dress up and dance around in front of him in the living room, I would not be with him. That isn't "fun" sex.

Be thankful you're getting away from him, I'm sorry you've been so controlled by a man's wants.

diddl · 07/05/2023 11:46

Siltedrain · 07/05/2023 09:41

He’s told me it’s over now. The marriage is over. So there we go.

Hopefully you're happy dancing in your head if not around the house!

Daleksatemyshed · 07/05/2023 11:57

The erection problems are no suprise Op, he has a kink/ fetish and he can't manage without it. Too many men like him focus all sex on their kink and as they get older they need more and more to get an erection. You won't play along anymore so he's getting desperate.
This doesn't mean you should do as he wants , not at all, but it might explain his behaviour. As I said before, I'd just tell him this is over and he can take his stuff and go

Batalax · 07/05/2023 11:59

Will he leave the house op, or insist you do?

Please get him to leave if you can.

Weenurse · 07/05/2023 12:03

Start to gather documents and any relevant paperwork you will need.
Passports, birth certificates, marriage certificate, insurances, bank statements, pay slips , pension papers and anything else you can think of, before they disappear.

coffeestrongblacknosugar · 07/05/2023 12:04

Just get rid of this man. He isn't a good husband, a partner, team player of good DAd.

Being intimate should be enjoyable for both parties. You are not a performing monkey. To be honest, you should feel relieved he has called time on this marriage.

HowRatherGolly · 07/05/2023 12:18

Your DH is coercing you into sex.
He is emotionally abusive.
Being a wife does not give husbands free access to sex, all sort of sex, demand it basically.

Stonwalling you to the point you see no reason to talk to him anymore. If he wasn't your DH, and a stranger asked this off you, how would you react? Would it be right?

Beaverbridge · 07/05/2023 12:51

You, ll be relieved when he's gone. That's no way to live. As others have said, look out paperwork, get all documents in one place in your possession. Good luck lovely.

YouJustDoYou · 07/05/2023 12:55

Well, at least when he's gone you'll have your weekends back, it will be a massive relief for you.

Joeylove88 · 07/05/2023 12:58

So he's horrible to you all week then suddenly turns nice when its the weekend and just expects you to not only want to have sex with him, but to dress up and have sex exactly the way he wants to? Then if you don't feel up to it (quite rightly!) He manipulates you by saying there's obviously nothing left between the two of you?! Yeah he's a selfish twat who doesn't seem to care about you or how you feel atall. It's so hard to see it from the inside of the situation but as others have said looking at it from the outside you would definitely be getting the better deal if he decided to leave. It's your body and only you get to decide how and when you have sex not your entitled husband.

Shapemyeyebrows · 07/05/2023 13:00

@Siltedrain this is very bizarre behaviour from your husband. The worst thing you can do is beg him to stay or give into this demands. He’s being abusive, please let him leave and focus on you and your kids. It doesn’t sound like you get much out of this relationship anyway. Just let him leave, he isn’t loving to you, he just wants his kicks and turns abusive when you say no. Agree with him that it’s over.

Zanatdy · 07/05/2023 13:04

Good Lord. Nothing wrong with dressing up etc if that’s what you want, ie what you want not just one partner. Completely unreasonable. I’d be packing his bags for him. I wouldn’t be having sex with someone who didn’t treat me well, not a chance

QueenBitch666 · 07/05/2023 13:06

He's vile. Tell him to fuck off

RoseThornside · 07/05/2023 13:08

I'm concerned that as he already has a problem keeping his erection, and you have to 'get him going again', that it's going to get more and more difficult for you to 'get him going again' as time goes on, which will mean, presumably, more twirling, dancing, dressing up, for longer. And of course, he will blame you, for not making enough effort, when he struggles even more to maintain his erection.

All this sounds soul destroying for you, so before it does destroy your soul, tell him you agree, the marriage is over.

Newestname002 · 07/05/2023 13:12

Siltedrain · 07/05/2023 10:44

Also when we have sex I’ve noticed he can’t sustain an erection for long. I keep having to get it going again. The whole thing is exhausting

Urghh!! This man is humiliating you to make the point both to you and himself that any problems in this relationship is your fault and you should allow him to treat you the way he does. He doesn't care about you or the children and just selfishly wants whatever he wants, at whatever cost to his family.

I really hope the marriage is over and he leaves but would urge you to start getting your financial ducks in a row so you can survive (and thrive) without him. 🌹

Nanny0gg · 07/05/2023 13:32

Siltedrain · 07/05/2023 10:44

Also when we have sex I’ve noticed he can’t sustain an erection for long. I keep having to get it going again. The whole thing is exhausting

Tell him quietly to shut the fuck up in front of the children, but yes, he's right, your marriage is over

There is nothing to stay or fight for,

Ring round solicitors on Tuesday to find one that will fight your corner

Ellie56 · 07/05/2023 13:32

He sounds vile. Pack his bags and show him the door. Yuck.

Bluetrews25 · 07/05/2023 13:38

Gosh this sounds so very hurtful. What a cruel way to behave.
Sending love and a hug.
You will get support here, @Siltedrain.
One day you will be glad, I hope that day comes soon for you.

Erdinger · 07/05/2023 13:47

I’m sorry you’ve had to “perform “for him for x amount of years in your marriage . Sounds exhausting and he is awful and controlling. I’m hoping in time you will realise him wanting out is a blessing.

Gettingbysomehow · 07/05/2023 13:53

Tell him to fuck off and move out of the bedroom. Id rather live in a holiday Inn on UC than live with a prick like that. Get rid of your chains.

knobheeeed · 07/05/2023 14:44

Yuk.
How awful.
So last night you didn't want to dress up and parade around and then have sex so he decides the marriage is over... what a knob.
Well, OP, it's actually a good thing. He's not interested in your wants and needs at all. Bin him off and either enjoy life as a single woman without having to do sexual things you're not into to avoid some knob having a tantrum OR find yourself a nice, considerate partner who is a better match.

DrDavidStarKey · 07/05/2023 14:59

Reminds me of my ex. Once I realised I was repulsed by sex with him as it was his way or the highway, I was done.

Agree with PP that it's a fetish and he has a very narrow criteria for what he feels is sexy. No mention of your needs in any of this is there OP?

Leave him. Tell him he no longer meets your needs and then hear all of him as white noise. There will be a LOT of white noise.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 07/05/2023 15:42

Has he gone yet OP?

Hold the door open for him if it will help him along

What a prick

Opentooffers · 07/05/2023 16:35

Ew, how many years have you been doing it this way for him. I'd of shut it down at the first suggestion mind, not dressing up for any man. He's the one with the problem so you are better off without him.

HappyMe6 · 07/05/2023 16:44

He sounds vile, getting him to move out would be heaven