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Original poster

Wanting partner to get a vasectomy reversal

115 replies

Engineeringmum · 05/05/2023 19:16

I have been with my partner for 2 years, I have one child aged 7 and he has 2 adult children, I am 40 he is 55.

When I was with my ex husband, we struggled to conceive naturally, had to go down the IVF route eventually I fell pregnant with my child, but then had a miscarriage just over 2 years ago (ex husbands child).
I have always wanted to be a mum, I’ve never truly gotten over the miscarriage I had, and I would love to have another baby, the problem is my partner had a vasectomy 15 years ago.

I’m trying to convince him to have a reversal, I love him so much and I think a baby would just complete our family, I don’t want my child to be an only child but he is saying he doesn’t want anymore children.

I don’t know what to do here. Does anyone know if a vasectomy after all that time can be reversed successfully?

Thank you.

OP posts:
VikingVolva · 05/05/2023 19:19

Just stop.

He doesn't want another child

ElectricMagpie · 05/05/2023 19:21

As a couple your average ages are 47.5. How many 47 year olds do you know with newborns? Give your head a wobble.

Azerothi · 05/05/2023 19:22

A vasectomy reversal can definitely be successful.

Do you live with this current boyfriend already?

Bathintheshed · 05/05/2023 19:22

If you want more children he is not the person for you. It would be totally wrong to coerce him into this. You'll need to go it alone.

Wedonttalkaboutboris · 05/05/2023 19:22

It doesn’t matter because he’s saying he doesn’t want another child.

lunar1 · 05/05/2023 19:23

He's 55, had adult children and has had a vasectomy, he finished his family a long time ago.

BlackieGrey · 05/05/2023 19:25

He doesn't want another child.

MinimalistMe · 05/05/2023 19:26

He doesn't want another child, so that's the end of that idea.

Mumblechum0 · 05/05/2023 19:27

55 is grandad territory.

He's not for you, if having another child is the priority

Naunet · 05/05/2023 19:27

He doesn’t want a child and I don’t blame him at his age! If you want a child you need to find someone younger but realistically, I think it’s better you accept you don’t need to have a baby with a man to “complete a family”.

Original poster
Engineeringmum · 05/05/2023 19:27

Azerothi · 05/05/2023 19:22

A vasectomy reversal can definitely be successful.

Do you live with this current boyfriend already?

Yes, we do live together.

I just have this yearning for another baby.

OP posts:
Naunet · 05/05/2023 19:28

Engineeringmum · 05/05/2023 19:27

Yes, we do live together.

I just have this yearning for another baby.

Show quote history

Have you even had your fertility checked?

RunningRunningRunningRunningRunning · 05/05/2023 19:29

"he is saying he doesn’t want anymore children."

Why are you asking about whether his vasectomy can he reversed when you have written that he has said the above? It doesn't matter if it can, he clearly had the snip because his family was complete, he doesn't want anymore children. At 55 he is way too old to be having another child anyway, he's closer to grandad age, I'm not surprised he isn't entertaining this idea.

Original poster
Engineeringmum · 05/05/2023 19:30

Naunet · 05/05/2023 19:28

Have you even had your fertility checked?

Show quote history

Yes, I was the one who struggled to conceive but no reason was found for it, then I fell pregnant with my first child then a few years later fell pregnant again, but sadly lost the baby

OP posts:
banew · 05/05/2023 19:30

He doesn't want another child, that's the end of the matter really isn't it. Doesn't matter if a reversal is possible.

Louoby · 05/05/2023 19:31

This is very difficult! If you've decided a new baby is what you need to complete your family but your OH doesn't want one then can you move forward? He is 55 and definitely passed the newborn stage. He has adult children and obviously does not want anymore hence a vasectomy.
You need to decide what is more important to you... your relationship or the need for another baby. If a baby is 100% what you want then go it alone. Would he be happy if you had a donor sperm and he be the fun uncle, can that even work if your in a relationship? Best off moving on without him

Original poster
Engineeringmum · 05/05/2023 19:31

RunningRunningRunningRunningRunning · 05/05/2023 19:29

"he is saying he doesn’t want anymore children."

Why are you asking about whether his vasectomy can he reversed when you have written that he has said the above? It doesn't matter if it can, he clearly had the snip because his family was complete, he doesn't want anymore children. At 55 he is way too old to be having another child anyway, he's closer to grandad age, I'm not surprised he isn't entertaining this idea.

I was just asking in the hope if he does change his mind and he starts to question this.

OP posts:
LadyFlumpalot · 05/05/2023 19:31

You are 40 and he is 55. Assuming your partner lives to the average male life expectancy of 80 that means his child will be 25ish when they are buying their father, and your partner will spend his golden years with the responsibility of a child/teenager/young adult.

I was 34 when I lost a parent, that felt far too young to go through the trauma, and I will feel the loss for the rest of my life (potentially another 40-50 years).

Don't do it. He doesn't want a child and it would t be fair on him or the child.

DucksNewburyport · 05/05/2023 19:34

Sorry to be blunt OP, but he doesn't want a child, and you're 40 with previous fertility issues. Honestly I think the chances of you overcoming all these barriers and having a baby is low!

NerrSnerr · 05/05/2023 19:34

He doesn't want another child. You're 40 so it doesn't really matter if he changes his mind in the future does it, as the chances of you conceiving by the time he's made the decision, been referred, had the surgery etc is so slim, you'll surely by mid 40s by then.

Naunet · 05/05/2023 19:34

Engineeringmum · 05/05/2023 19:30

Yes, I was the one who struggled to conceive but no reason was found for it, then I fell pregnant with my first child then a few years later fell pregnant again, but sadly lost the baby

Show quote history

I mean this gently, but if you struggled before, the chances at 40 are going to be slim anyway. Plus, a 55 year old father (if he agreed and he could get a successful reversal after 15 years) doesn’t have great quality sperm, which means a higher risk of miscarriage. Do you think this might just be hormones at play and you need to think a little more logically/realistically?

arethereanyleftatall · 05/05/2023 19:37

You don't know what to do here?

I'll tell you. Stop being so outrageously self absorbed and selfish.

Your husband doesn't want another child. He's 55 so that is zero surprise. It would be awful to have a baby in late fifties, a teenager when you're 70.

Minihippyme89 · 05/05/2023 19:39

I can’t imagine having to be responsible for a hormonal teenager when I’m in my 70s.

DangerNoodles · 05/05/2023 19:42

Could you be in peri menopause OP? Many women get a bout of brodiness at the start or during the menopause.

Even if he wanted a baby OP your chances are conceiving are pretty slim, given your ages and the length of time since the vasectomy. If he doesn't want a baby, you either accept it, move on to another partner, or go it alone, but if you have a good relationship do you really want to throw it away when your baby plans may not work out?

RunningRunningRunningRunningRunning · 05/05/2023 19:42

Engineeringmum · 05/05/2023 19:31

I was just asking in the hope if he does change his mind and he starts to question this.

Show quote history

You are 40 already though, you are talking like you have years for him to come around to the idea, then look into it, then have it done, then actually get you pregnant when you struggled anyway. I mean you have to be realistic here, you haven't got time even if he agreed, which he isn't at this point anyway.