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Original poster

Wanting partner to get a vasectomy reversal

115 replies

Engineeringmum · 05/05/2023 19:16

I have been with my partner for 2 years, I have one child aged 7 and he has 2 adult children, I am 40 he is 55.

When I was with my ex husband, we struggled to conceive naturally, had to go down the IVF route eventually I fell pregnant with my child, but then had a miscarriage just over 2 years ago (ex husbands child).
I have always wanted to be a mum, I’ve never truly gotten over the miscarriage I had, and I would love to have another baby, the problem is my partner had a vasectomy 15 years ago.

I’m trying to convince him to have a reversal, I love him so much and I think a baby would just complete our family, I don’t want my child to be an only child but he is saying he doesn’t want anymore children.

I don’t know what to do here. Does anyone know if a vasectomy after all that time can be reversed successfully?

Thank you.

OP posts:
Mum2jenny · 05/05/2023 20:50

I’d suggest finding a younger partner if you really want another child

readbooksdrinktea · 05/05/2023 20:50

What you should do is respect his perfectly valid decision not to want any more children.

Irritateandunreasonable · 05/05/2023 20:50

The chances of getting pregnant after vasectomy reversal are:

  • 75% if the reversal is within 3 years of the original vasectomy
  • 50–55% if it’s been 3 to 8 years since your vasectomy
  • 40–45% if it’s been 9 to 14 years
  • 30% if it’s been 15 to 19 years
  • less than 10% if your vasectomy was more than 20 years ago
alwaysmovingforwards · 05/05/2023 20:52

A newborn at 55?!?!
Fuck that.

Munchyseeds2 · 05/05/2023 20:53

If I were you, I would enjoy what you both have now

2bazookas · 05/05/2023 20:55

He doesn't want his vasectomy reversed. He doesn't want a baby with you.

Show some respect for his wishes or that very short relationship won't last long.

Zola1 · 05/05/2023 20:58

My Dad is 55.. I'm 31, my eldest child is 13. My dad is retired and has been living grandad life for 13 years. He would drop dead if I passed him a newborn and said keep this alive, you're responsible til you're in your 70s

heretoread81 · 05/05/2023 21:12

I think some people are being really unfair. I understand your longing I really do, knowing you'll probably never have another for some women is a hell of a thing to come to terms with. I'm sending a big virtual hug, I think you need to talk it over again with him, even if just so he knows how desperate you are xx

Writerscompanion · 05/05/2023 21:23

Wow this thread really shows all the judgment people must usually manage to hide from women like me with older partners! It's really not unusual in my neck of the woods, but you'd think 55 was near death's door from the comments here...

The issue here is that your DP is saying he doesn't want a baby and unfortunately if he doesn't then that is that.

If he did want one at 55, that would be his and your choice to make and not the end of the world like some are making out. Not everyone is lucky enough to meet the right partner at the perceived 'right' time! Especially if there is infertility and loss in previous relationships. Wishing you luck OP with whatever you decide OP Flowers

ladymuckofthemanor · 05/05/2023 21:24

A vasectomy from 15 years ago is incredibly unlikely to be able to be successfully reversed.

You're on a road to nowhere.

tweener · 05/05/2023 21:26

Writerscompanion · 05/05/2023 21:23

Wow this thread really shows all the judgment people must usually manage to hide from women like me with older partners! It's really not unusual in my neck of the woods, but you'd think 55 was near death's door from the comments here...

The issue here is that your DP is saying he doesn't want a baby and unfortunately if he doesn't then that is that.

If he did want one at 55, that would be his and your choice to make and not the end of the world like some are making out. Not everyone is lucky enough to meet the right partner at the perceived 'right' time! Especially if there is infertility and loss in previous relationships. Wishing you luck OP with whatever you decide OP Flowers

You're honestly saying in your neck of the woods it's usual for 55 year old men with grown up children to have a baby?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 05/05/2023 21:30

He is 55 years old. Leave his vas deferens alone.

Gazelda · 05/05/2023 21:34

I'd be horrified if I discovered that my DP was discussing how to improve my fertility on an online forum, despite knowing that I didn't want more DC.

ArcticSkewer · 05/05/2023 21:36

Engineeringmum · 05/05/2023 19:27

Yes, we do live together.

I just have this yearning for another baby.

Show quote history

That's just nature. It's like that from 40-45. Nature's last shot

GracePalmer33 · 05/05/2023 21:37

I'd take the energy you were going to use to try and convince him to change his mind, and instead use that energy to try to accept the life and family you have now.

ILoveCakeLikeTheToriesLoveRippingTaxPayersOff · 05/05/2023 21:41

He is way to old to become a dad again. Let alone a reversal. Behave yourself.

Either leave or accept.

LolaSmiles · 05/05/2023 21:44

Wow this thread really shows all the judgment people must usually manage to hide from women like me with older partners! It's really not unusual in my neck of the woods, but you'd think 55 was near death's door from the comments here...
I don't think anyone has said anything about having older partners, or that 55 is near death's door.

Observing that a 55 year old man is going to be mid-70s when his hypothetical baby turns 18 isn't unreasonable, and that's assuming things are straightforward and a baby happens quickly. Isn't average life expectancy for a man 78/79? Whilst nobody is guaranteed another day, many people would probably want to see their children comfortably into adulthood.

Soontobe60 · 05/05/2023 21:45

Engineeringmum · 05/05/2023 19:27

Yes, we do live together.

I just have this yearning for another baby.

Show quote history

I think you should just get a puppy. Your DP is 55!!!! My DH is the same age as that, he’d be absolutely gutted if he thought he was going to be a father again at his age.
Your DP doesn’t want another child. That’s the end of the discussion.

Daffodilwoman · 05/05/2023 21:46

He doesn’t want another child so leave it. He is far too old. Nobody wants such an old dad, he could die whilst the child is still very young.
I only know of 2 men who had a reversal, both because they met younger new partners like in your case. Neither reversal worked.

randomuser2020 · 05/05/2023 21:50

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

toptail22 · 05/05/2023 21:51

'Trying to convince him'

A big fat nope I'm afraid.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 05/05/2023 21:51

He’s 55. You’re 40. You struggle with fertility already. He’s had a long-ago vasectomy.

But all that aside, he doesn’t want another child.

That's the end of it. Please leave him alone.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 05/05/2023 21:53

He has adult children so he's done it all before. I know I wouldn't want to do it all again after that long.

He would be 70+ and the kid would still be in school. And that's if you were to get pregnant quickly, which is probably unlikely.

You both have kids.

I know it can be hard when you want something and can't have it. You obviously seem happy together apart from the different views on having a baby so it must be a good thing that you've found each other.

There are plenty of other things to look forward to together.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 05/05/2023 21:54

Also, 55 is really old to be being badgered for more kids. Poor guy. He’s not Keith Richards.

NoMoreChoccy · 05/05/2023 21:56

I agree. It’s not unusual to have that yearning and it’s very difficult to tell someone to just leave it when they feel a primal urge. At 40, the clock is unfortunately (and annoyingly!) ticking so she’s likely feeling the weight of that pressure. The trouble is OP, like pps have said your partner has made his stance clear. You have to decide if you’ll resent him for making that decision? In which case it can be difficult to come from as you may feel “robbed”. I really feel for you, it’s a huge hurdle to work through. Good luck x

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