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Original poster

Wanting partner to get a vasectomy reversal

115 replies

Engineeringmum · 05/05/2023 19:16

I have been with my partner for 2 years, I have one child aged 7 and he has 2 adult children, I am 40 he is 55.

When I was with my ex husband, we struggled to conceive naturally, had to go down the IVF route eventually I fell pregnant with my child, but then had a miscarriage just over 2 years ago (ex husbands child).
I have always wanted to be a mum, I’ve never truly gotten over the miscarriage I had, and I would love to have another baby, the problem is my partner had a vasectomy 15 years ago.

I’m trying to convince him to have a reversal, I love him so much and I think a baby would just complete our family, I don’t want my child to be an only child but he is saying he doesn’t want anymore children.

I don’t know what to do here. Does anyone know if a vasectomy after all that time can be reversed successfully?

Thank you.

OP posts:
Hannahbanana21 · 05/05/2023 19:45

This relationship seems to be doomed. One of you is going to have to compromise.

If it’s you who has to compromise then you will forever hold it against him that you haven’t had another baby, if it’s him, then he may resent the baby.

He is too old.

Noticed from your post you say you had a miscarriage just over 2 years ago and you say that was your ex husband’s child, and you have been with your partner for 2 years. That was very quick.

putalidonit · 05/05/2023 19:46

ElectricMagpie · 05/05/2023 19:21

As a couple your average ages are 47.5. How many 47 year olds do you know with newborns? Give your head a wobble.

Such a weird comment. She's not 47.5

Scaevola · 05/05/2023 19:49

I think you are utterly wrong to be even thinking about this because he doesn't want another child.

But you asked about vasectomy reversal. A few points:

a) not available on NHS. Probably £2.5-3k
b) clinic "success" figures are usually based on whether the tubes become patent again - this is not the same as whether pregnancy results, let alone whether that pregnancy is carried to term
c) the longer the interval since the vasectomy, the worse the chances. Over 10 years and it's beginning to look decidedly iffy
d) some men, once the plumbing is interrupted, start to produce anti-sperm antibodies and that means permanent infertility

15 years on and mid-50s, I'd not be remotely optimistic. And as he doesn't even have the slightest inclination to do this, you need to find ways to break this unhelpful thought pattern

BarryK3nt · 05/05/2023 19:49

You’re being ridiculous

Clymene · 05/05/2023 19:55

He doesn't want any more children.

Polkadotties · 05/05/2023 19:56

He doesn’t want anymore children. Get a pet.

Choconut · 05/05/2023 19:59

You're being very selfish here OP.

elevenplusdilemma · 05/05/2023 19:59

A few issues here:

He doesn't want another child. That's quite important.

He's 55 - more like grandad age (do his children have kids yet?) than daddy age.

Vasectomy reversal doesn't always work.

You were pregnant with your previous husband's child 2 years ago. That's not very long ago to have moved on. Are either of you ready to commit to raising a child together?

Your child is 7. Even if DP had the op soon and you conceived quickly (unlikely given your age), your DC would be at least 8 before the baby is born. An age gap of 8+ years will not facilitate an easy sibling relationship. They are unlikely to ever really play together. It will be hard work. Imagine a holiday or day out with a 60 year old partner, preteen child and a toddler. Then fast forward a few years when you've got a DP of pension age, a moody teenager and a younger child still in primary school. Sounds like a nightmare to me.

Skybluepinky · 05/05/2023 20:02

He doesn’t want a child, and even if he agreed to a reversal it is unlikely to be successful.

SpringIntoChaos · 05/05/2023 20:10

Even if it DID work...which is highly unlikely given both your ages...the scenario would be something like this:

  1. Reversal by 56
  1. 'Possibly' fall pregnant by 57/58?
  1. Child born by 58/59 🤷‍♀️
  1. Child hits teenage years by 72-ish 😱😱😱😱😱

Seriously?? WTAF are you thinking???

I'm 58 and have a 6 year old grandchild...and that's knackering enough, but at least it's normal...and I can have my 'Nanny Time' and hand her back 🥰

Purplecatshopaholic · 05/05/2023 20:11

arethereanyleftatall · 05/05/2023 19:37

You don't know what to do here?

I'll tell you. Stop being so outrageously self absorbed and selfish.

Your husband doesn't want another child. He's 55 so that is zero surprise. It would be awful to have a baby in late fifties, a teenager when you're 70.

Nail on head.

Can2022getanyworse · 05/05/2023 20:13

VikingVolva · 05/05/2023 19:19

Just stop.

He doesn't want another child

100% this.

YukoandHiro · 05/05/2023 20:15

Let's say he gets a reversal and then you conceived. Then finally give birth. Timescale wise you're looking at a 70 year old having to bring up a 12 year old.
My DH is an older dad but that is on another level and too much to ask of someone. Especially someone who already has children .

PurpleFlower1983 · 05/05/2023 20:15

I think if you want to stay with him you have to try and move on from this. sorry OP.

LolaSmiles · 05/05/2023 20:17

He doesn't want any more children.

If having the opportunity for another child is a deal breaker for you then you need to walk away from this relationship and look for someone who does want children.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 05/05/2023 20:18

He's 55 and doesn't want more kids.

sparklefresh · 05/05/2023 20:20

Please respect his choice. He doesn't want another child - I can't blame him at 55.

Paq · 05/05/2023 20:21

An alternative to a reversal is icsi, where they retrieve sperm from the testicular tissue. We did this to conceive DD. Then you don't have to worry about contraception afterwards ☺️

gogohmm · 05/05/2023 20:25

He's 55 - end of story

Onelifeonly · 05/05/2023 20:36

He is not going to get it done because he doesn't want to, so forget that. You are also most likely nearing the end of your fertile years. I don't think it's great to have such an elderly father either. There's a good chance of losing him before 18, certainly before 30. And your existing child would be at least 8 or 9 before a new baby arrived - that's a large gap to deal with. Plus you've only known your partner a couple of years. So many reasons against this.

Why don't you enjoy your relationship for what it is and be thankful you have found someone you really love? Focus on the child you have, not the one you lost. Many people don't have a good relationship or a child and would love to be in your shoes.

rwalker · 05/05/2023 20:39

After 15 years the success rate of reversal would be very low
to be blunt it’s ok u wanting a child but the people you have to think about is your partner and potential child
he’ll be 76 at least when its 21 he’ll only have 10 or so working years I. Him to provide for child
a sixty year old taking his kids to soft play parties they miss out on so much
having nursed my dad through his final weeks last year I wouldn’t want to put that on a twenty plus year old
he’s too old and your selfish sorry if you want more family u need a younger partner

drpet49 · 05/05/2023 20:46

banew · 05/05/2023 19:30

He doesn't want another child, that's the end of the matter really isn't it. Doesn't matter if a reversal is possible.

This. And he is 55, far too old to have a baby anyway.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 05/05/2023 20:47

PurpleFlower1983 · 05/05/2023 20:15

I think if you want to stay with him you have to try and move on from this. sorry OP.

I agree.

I think the posters who have called OP selfish or hormonal are being unfair. She has a yearning for another child and that can't be helped. It's possible for many/most women to get pregnant at 40 so she needs to work out if this relationship is more important to her than having baby number 2.

Irritateandunreasonable · 05/05/2023 20:48

ElectricMagpie · 05/05/2023 19:21

As a couple your average ages are 47.5. How many 47 year olds do you know with newborns? Give your head a wobble.

She wasn’t asking for your opinion about that.

safetyfreak · 05/05/2023 20:48

My, leave the poor man alone. He is 55 years old!

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