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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Affairs can end up long term

131 replies

potatohead1 · 05/05/2023 12:58

As our current Queen proves. Contrary to many MN assertions. It is not rare for relationships that started out as affairs can indeed prove long lasting.
I'm not in an affair. I'm not condoning them. I'm just challenging typical MN rhetoric

OP posts:

Megirlan123 · 21/10/2024 20:30

TheFormidableMrsC · 21/10/2024 20:27

I agree. Absolutely life ruining as I well know.

Show quote history

Yip me too.

Equally, my good friend is living this right now and it’s nothing short of horrendous for her and her children. She is heartbroken, as are her children, while he swans around like loves young dream. It’s disgusting.

No excuses, it’s never ok.

Megirlan123 · 21/10/2024 20:34

Mumrunningsupporter · 06/05/2023 14:49

So you're really going down the route of referencing the cheater's values, or lack of values. I think that's pertinent, and people change over the years. A person can be a devoted spouse for decades and then relatively quickly turn into a different person due to all sorts of life events. I get that. What I don't get is when women report being blindsided. The man must be a piece of work to maintain two relationships, with his wife not having a clue that the OW even exists!

I was this wife.

I have absolutely no clue. My baby son wasn’t even 2 at the time.

He was ‘working late’ ‘going to the gym’ etc. I had no reason not to believe him. He wasn’t acting suspiciously, not even with the benefit of hindsight. We got up one normal Sunday morning and he informed me he was leaving. That was it.

TheFormidableMrsC · 22/10/2024 16:46

@Megirlan123 Me too. Not a clue. I mean looking back, there were clues but I had a non sleeping 2 year old who was about to be referred for an autism assessment so I would have been easy to fool....and I was. My ex husband also had a job that sometimes took him out of the house for long hours. I was utterly blindsided. I still get intrusive thoughts about it all. People who do this have no idea of the utter turmoil they cause. I hope you're ok.

Megirlan123 · 22/10/2024 19:39

TheFormidableMrsC · 22/10/2024 16:46

Sounds horribly familiar, it’s just absolutely devastating.
I’m absolutely great now thank you! This was around 17 years ago, my son is now 19!
I hope you are too ❤️
For what it’s worth, they are still together but I can genuinely say o don’t care anymore.

TheFormidableMrsC · 23/10/2024 23:32

@Megirlan123 it's been 11 years for me. They are also still together as far as I know. I was diagnosed with cancer in 2020 and made the mistake of asking ex-husband to have child while I had surgery which was on day one of the first lockdown. OW was triggered by this and decided that contact had to stop and my son was not welcome. We've not seen ex since. OW bought a house in Scotland (we're in the South) to ensure contact would end. Ex is a weak and pathetic man. I still struggle with the abandonment but there is a bigger backstory to that. I'm fine and have a happy life but I do have PTSD as a result of it all and I just have to live with it. They are cunts 🙂

OneLoftyFish · 23/10/2024 23:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

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