Affairs can end up long term

[potatohead1]

As our current Queen proves. Contrary to many MN assertions. It is not rare for relationships that started out as affairs can indeed prove long lasting.
I'm not in an affair. I'm not condoning them. I'm just challenging typical MN rhetoric

I don't recall seeing any of those @GreyCarpet but possibly because I don't think those sort of trite platitudes are of any help to a woman who finds herself in that situation.

I don't think they are either. They're nonsense. But they get said on here plenty!

But as many affairs are between 2 married people, those stats make no sense.

I think you've hit the nail on the head

A few anecdotes is hardly robust evidence. To make any kind of objective claim about this evidence is needed. For any story you can come up with to challenge the MN narrative, someone else can come along with a counter story. It is really an exercise in futility until someone comes up with proper, robust, objective evidence.

From a personal perspective I would not trust anyone who has had an affair. An affair means lying and someone who lies is capable of doing it again. But that’s just me. I make no claim one way or the other about the longevity of relationships started as an affair.

Yes, I know one such couple who have now been together for decades. It still absolutely ruined the lives of their spouses and traumatised their primary aged children.

Of course affair relationship can last.
When two people tell that many lies and destroy so many other peoples life's then they run out of options and stick with each other and are bound by the lies they told.

I cheated on my first husband with my now husband and it gave me the courage I'd needed for 10 plus years to leave a very unhappy marriage. I cheated. I'm not a cheat. I think when you talk about serial cheaters it's a bit different. I fell in love and within weeks found the courage to leave and be with my wonderful now husband.

If you think there us a single human who doesn't lie I think you are being naive

This is the MN rhetoric but by the comments in here it is patently untrue. There are many happy endings 😊

@putalidonit I'm not saying there are not.
But if two people lying to everyone so they can destroy peoples lives for illicit sex is happy ending. Then I wish them well

If you see all affairs as nothing but sex then you would be right but clearly as discussed on here and seen in the real world, many affairs are way more than that and it is churlish to suggest otherwise. And they can indeed end up happy. For all in the end in some cases

there are some trends and patterns, but there's always an exception

either way one narrative i dont understand is saying that its karma that the affair relationship does not work out - clearly people who were willing to throw everything away for something that could have been a quick romp did not really value their marriage so much

so even if it does not work out, it does not mean this behaviour was not "worth it" - as awful as it sounds

I think you have to consider that the MN rhetoric is usually on a thread where a woman who has been cheated on has just found out.

I'm there for the once a cheat always a cheat and you lose them how you get them comments because nobody in that position wants to hear that they are possibly in love and that they might go the distance. Dirty dogs is all I would want to hear.

@putalidonit I don't see all affairs as sex.
Affairs are not built on sex they are built on lies.
Lots of lies told to everyone including each other.

I think this is what people forget. I ended up with PTSD and my son had to have extensive therapy. It destroyed us both.

And yet so many people on here went on to live decades of happiness with their af.

My relationship started as an affair. We've been together 9 years now and have two kids 🤷🏻‍♀️

Personally if you don’t have guts to end and break off and go for something with a clean slate, the relationship is morally compromised and no matter how great your relationship might seem, it’s foundation is in other people’s broken trust and only narcs could enjoy inflicting pain and experiencing joy in being ‘doubly wanted’. It’s sick stuff and something I would not do to my worst enemy let alone a partner I chose to be with.

Sittwritt you are so wrong. But you stay there on your moral high ground!

The figures cited above can’t be right - where are they from? Surely nobody knows how many affairs end up long term?

Any decent person would know what they want and act accordingly, not create pain, mess and duplicity. A moral weakness is actually the time when people seek solace in duplicity.

@putalidonit and I wish them well.
A relationship built on lies , deceit and the destruction of others is not for me but then some of us have slightly higher standards.

Can a house built on broken foundations survive? Probably. Anything started from such a place of negativity will never be a healthy relationship. Will it stand the test of time? It sure could but merely because the cost of such affair was so detrimental pride gets in the way. Not everything you see on the outside reflects what’s going on inside. Once a cheat always a cheat and the toxicity of knowing exactly how your partner cheated will forever haunt you and vice versa.

Exactly whose going around asking people.. and some stats are for remarriage and not everyone remarries so the stats are hardly accurate