Affairs can end up long term

[potatohead1]

As our current Queen proves. Contrary to many MN assertions. It is not rare for relationships that started out as affairs can indeed prove long lasting.
I'm not in an affair. I'm not condoning them. I'm just challenging typical MN rhetoric

I know what you mean. It's a truism on Mumsnet that affairs never last, and that "cheaters will always cheat". In my personal experience that just isn't true. DH and I had an affair which started 20 years ago , we've remained together all that time and have been married for 15 years. And he cheated back then , yep, but never did again.

Making sweeping statements about such things will never get you anywhere - we're all different .

I think I read somewhere that the stats are 5% will go longer than ten years. So, yes, they can. Just not very often.

Ex married OW and as far as I know they're still together over 25 years later. Mind you, it was his fourth wedding so some incentive to finally get it right, I suppose, if only to save his parents the semi-regular trip to the registry office.

I suppose with Charles and Camilla though it is a bit different in that they had a relationship prior to his marriage to Diana - not the same as the bloke who runs off with a woman twenty years his junior whom he's just met.

Obviously there will be a percentage of affairs that last, I don't know what the percentage is though🤷‍♀️. If the percentage is similar to other types of relationship, then you can discount the theory, otherwise no.

I would say many affairs end up in long term relationships, I know many second wives who started as the OW and have lived 'happily ever after'

They do on occasion, so far my ex husband and OW are still together 9 years down the line. I presume married, not entirely sure as he abandoned our son on her say so and moved to a house she bought 750 miles away. It's his third marriage. I don't think he will be able to extricate himself from this one as she is extremely controlling. Hey ho!

I know one other very happy marriage that was the result of an affair. However, she had escaped an awful abusive situation and I'm glad it worked out for her. However, every single other relationship that I know of that started as a affair, has failed eventually.

Technically camilla was there first does thst make diana the affair?

I think the C & C relationship is a bit different. They had had a relationship but I believe she was considered unsuitable as a match. He wanted to marry her.

Some are, some aren’t. Shrugs.

I don't recall any MN rhetoric or assertions about affairs not lasting?

No because technically you are an affair partner when the other person is in a committed relationship/marriage. C&C just kept fiddling about and married other people

This is a fairly meaningless statistic though, without context. Almost 70% of all relationships end within the first eighteen months, for example; and fewer than 20% of straight, unmarried couples will still be together after five years. (Once you get married you have around an 80% chance of staying together longer than ten years, though.) There probably isn’t the raw data out there to establish whether there’s any significant difference in the relationship lengths of relationships which resulted from affairs, and those which didn’t.

My relationship started as an affair. I now trust my partner explicitly.

I’ve watched him grow into the most amazing Father and man. A truly different person, I think back then we were just both stupid.

Are we just ignoring all the rumours about the other woman Charles is supposed to have shagged then?

or that C&C have maintained separate houses for years and not chosen to spend all that much time together.

90-97% of all affairs fail between 6 months-2 yrs.
3/4 of all affairs that lead to marriage also fail.
Affairs are not a particularly stable foundation for a relationship.

Some, a small percentage stand the test of time.

One of my close friends had an affair with her current husband 25 years ago. They had each married young, grown apart from their first spouse, and fell in love with each other. Neither of them are proud of that, but they've been together happily ever since.

One of my other friends has been in a relationship with a married man for over 15 years. She's single, so it's him having the affair, not her. I can't see it ever ending unless his wife finds out.

How do you know this? Who have they asked because I've never been asked when a relationship has ended if it was the result of an affair or not. I've always been curious as to where data like this is gathered from.

Yep, I agree with this. Many relationships survive affairs (mine did. It's more common than you think). And sometimes affairs relationships last.

I don't think that anyone really believes an affair can't last. It's just one of those bullsbit platitudes that people with nothing else to say spout on here. Much like, "You sound lovely, OP," when there is next to nothing to go on 🙄

My dad had an affair, married her and they were together for 20+ years until he died.

My ex husband cheated and married her. They've been together for 11 years now and only recently married so presumably all is going well there.

Neither were 'cheats', neither were leopards whose spots were never going to change. My dad would never have cheated on his wofe and i have no doubt that my exh will remain faithful to his wife. Yes, if they'd had an ounce of integrity, they'd not have done it or ended their existing relationships first but life isn't always that simple and they both had children to consider and every other reason that keeps people (including most of the unhappily married women who post on here) in a relationship they no longer want to be in until they either can't bear it any longer or are pushed.

Some affairs are the real deal and last; some aren't and don't. It's as simple as that.

What other woman?

On almost every thread about an affair discovery, there will be several people falling over themselves to tell the OP that, "It won't last," and, "When a man marries his mistress he creates a vacancy," and, "Leopards don't change their spots - he'll cheat on her too, and, "He'll come crawling back when he realises the grass isn't greener after all."

Paul C Brunson Married at first sight, had a post up the other day. He said women who are in relationship and have affair and marry affair partner chance of divorce drops to 30% as he said research shows women choose better when seeking next partner and because stakes are high. They learn what not to go for but that men rarely fall in love with AP and affairs are more from convenience for men. Apparently divorce rates are around 60%.

He also said women aren't selected by male AP like society likes to believe that women are vulnerable etc he said women have more part to play in affairs than people believe. And its true if someone on her says they are and AP women say that female AP are deluded, bit on side, believes the mans lies that they think they are better than the wife etc etc etc

I know of two couples who had affairs and are still together 30 years later and none of them have cheated since. I think there is a difference between someone who just cheats for the sake of it (they will probably never change and no relationship will last because of their cheating) and someone who is unhappy and genuinely falls in love with someone else. These relationships can last forever.