How do you accept that you’re going to be single your whole life? How do you get used to the loneliness?

[Sonervousimgonnathrowup]

So, I did start this on aibu, but it literally went wrong with the very first reply and turned into a pile on. Pretty much the only (hopefully) good advice I got, was to ask for it to be deleted and start over here.

I could really use some advice before my mental health and all around wellness suffers too much.

I was looking for some single support threads, but most of them seem to be by people who love being single and the good points are basically happy no one is watching tv shows they don’t like or stinking up the bathroom.
And or by people who already have been married and have kids, so they are not actually alone.

Anyone else out there who had to made their peace that it’s never going to be them?
Spring time is here and this has always been the hardest time of the year for me when it seems every couple seems to pop-up into the world and just have to be so happy.

So to be clear, I’m asking if anyone else had to learn to be on their own, actually alone, not with kids or have many options and can’t be bothered or MN classic that relationships are bad and lonely etc.

I’m asking how you deal with the broken heart of being single.

Your post was advice to take medically unproven recreational drugs for depression. What I said before doesn't make any difference to the content of your post. The fact that you're making it about my previous posts (which you have clearly gone back and taken the time to read) suggests that you have little foundation for your suggestion, otherwise you'd be providing better evidence that it's a good idea.

Stop telling other people what to say/post. You're not an authority on any of this, or on what other people 'should' say or do. Are you?

I have some wonderful friends who are single, never been married and have no children. They all enjoy their lives by having fulfilling careers, varied interests and hobbies which they pursue regularly, a wide range of friends and have made peace with the fact that they will remain single so are not looking for relationships.

I think each of these friends had their “moments” where they questioned what was wrong with them and why they couldn’t meet the right person but then they put their energies into themselves.

They all seem very happy, busy, well-travelled and have lives that I quite often envy.

My advice is to stop looking at what is missing and start building on the wonderful things in your life. The other thing is to look at AIBU and the Relationships boards on here. So many people are deeply unhappy in their relationships and would swap with you in a heartbeat. Value you, your life and everything which matters to you.

My original post wasn't to you or about you. You're the one who decided to negatively comment on what I said as if I shouldn't have said it, ie: telling me what I can or can't post. The OP will either take my advice, which I stand by, or leave it. They've already decided not to listen to you, and I can't say I blame them because they're quite right, you are arrogant.

I won't be responding to you again because this thread isn't about us.

I have a great job, great friends, don't need to worry about money, holidays, a beautiful home. I have many friends like me too...we tend to flock together. I have crushing loneliness and long to be with someone to do nothing with.

@TheNestedIf

I won't be responding to you again because this thread isn't about us

Cheers mate.

@Sonervousimgonnathrowup

Hope you won't be taking any daft advice to take drugs in unfamiliar places.

After 34 years with my husband he's moved out, I have to say after his behaviour the last 2 years and the casual way he's "temporarily"moved out like he was going to the shops, no contact since, I feel like I never, ever want to put my heart in this position again, I never want another relationship. I gave all of myself to him all these years, never cheated or lied, I took care of him and remained kind and caring right until the day he left, hes not even checked I'm OK, I will never give myself to another person again.
I have my wonderful friends, adult children, family and my dog, that is all I want now and I know that won't change, I'm sending you love, I hope you can find peace x

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

We see that you are getting some great support from your fellow Mumsnetters. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Wishing you the very best 💐
MNHQ

Oh OP I am so sorry. You sound so broken. I’ve read your posts and I am so sorry people haven’t listened to you. My life is different from yours but I absolutely know that pain of not being heard or understood. It’s such a deep need, the need to be heard and understood.

I live with feelings of immense loneliness too, and I honestly think people who have not experienced it just cannot understand it. Their social contacts have filled them with reserves so foundational, they don’t even realize that have them.

You know how OP talked about people being tone deaf? Well….

You really should be ashamed of your post.

Yeah tbh words fail me at all the people who have spectacularly disregarded what OP is saying. It’s so insensitive to post in this thread about a former relationship and kids when OPs thread is essentially about never having either.

Not surprised OP hasn’t came back.