Friend hit on my husband

[AleenaM]

Trying to enlarge my circle of friends with kids, met this particular one at some busy kids parties, then a few times with other families too, recently she came to mine with her kid. Husband says she gave him a clear flirty look when I wasn't around, he wasn't comfortable with this and avoided her thereafter. Never really had this issue pre-kids or after kids in 13-14years, he's never said someone tried to hit on him, amongst friends or groups of people who know we are in a relation. She's in a complicated relationship with her child's father. I'd probably describe me and husband as modest people and private about our relationship, no PDA ever either, just to give context to say that we would never flirt as banter.

How big of a red flag is this in my friendship with her? Husband suggests to just keep our meetings to parks/play places and have a more superficial friendship ( I have already stupidly overshared some things with her, to do with our children as I felt her as trustworthy and genuine).

neither you nor your husband needs to justify limiting contact with this person, it's not an old dear friend who suddenly acted weird - its a relatively new person in your extended group of friends who effectively gave your husband creeps

whether it was intentional on her part or not, nobody should be forced to hang around people if they find their behaviour inappropriate or slightly creepy for whatever reason

Absolutely this. I would be very upset if my partner didn't care someone had made me feel uncomfortable. We've all been in those situations and I think it's very telling that so many would automatically accuse their husbands of being the one who was inappropriate and/or untrustworthy. No idea why some people get married.

I don't think they would, I think some on this thread spied a stirring opportunity and piled on for fun.

In terms of how big a rad flag is if, then I’d say does it made DH uncomfortable because ultimately nobody should be exposed to attention they don’t want. FWIW it would seem OTT to see it as a big red flag but I enjoy flirty banter and so I might feel differently.

The friend is not single. Did you not even read the OPs posts?

Yes, poor OP getting all that when any decent person who loved their spouse would believe them as she does.

Ok so perhaps all women should be shackled and veiled then?

I did read the OP’s posts - I made a minor error that has no bearing on my point.

remind me, what’s your point exactly ?

Honestly op. You don’t need permission, if you believe she gave your husband a look of such sexual longing he has to avoid her, she’s untrustworthy, not genuine and you shouldn’t have her in the house, then I for one am all for it, crack on, the pair of you leave her alone.

Welcome to Gilead where women should not look at men directly and instead advert their gaze in their presences and stare ''modestly'' at their feet...or will be accused of being Jezebels.

I think the fact that you highlighted that you are a ''modest'' couple not big on display of affection in public just means you probably read people who are different from you from quite a different perspective and what is simply a friendly smile becomes a ''flirty smile''.

You obviously are not compatible as friends so just be polite when you come across her and don't interact with her beyond the basic chit chat at the school gates.

You don't have to be friends but I would really be more careful about judging people (and their relationships) and coming across as holier than though.

I had a friend once who dropped me because "I was trying it on with her hubby", because he said so. He was the most revolting prick I had ever laid eyes on, and any look I ever gave would have been me trying to establish why she was even with such a douche.

He started poking and waving at me on facebook not long after (back in the olden days when they were features. Ew.

So this friend may not even like him.

Haha, also reminds me of an old boyfriend I had once too who insisted my mum loved him etc (non romantically). She hated his guts. I feel a lot of men (and women) just have zero intuition and make mistakes.

I think it’s sad that you are trying to enlarge your circle of friends with kids and your husband has put a firm stop to it, by putting this nonsense in your head.

All she did is smile. I can't see in anyway how that's flirting. I think it's reaching massively. Is there a certain way she should have smiled to not be flirting? Teeth or no teeth? Big smile or small?

before you make this man into some sort of creep who cannot tell a friendly smile from flirting

if a woman said her husband's new friend made her feel very uncomfortable there would be no question about limiting contact

some people just give us uneasy feeling and its not unreasonable to not continue being close friends with them or have them around your house

Yeah sure ditch her over a look. Thatsnot crazy at all. Do her a favour.

I don´t think you have to overthink this. There are certain things, behaviours about this woman that make you and your husband uncomfortable. That is enough to fase her out. I don´t like drama either.
Donkey´s years ago I went to a dinner, we were about 20 people around a table, everyone was talking and I made a joke and this guy across the table retorted and we all laughed. Next thing I know his girlfriend was telling my best friend I was after her guy and she gave him hell over it. Couldn´t even remember his face. I actually met them again on a train a couple of years later with some other friends, i didn´t recognise them, i said something and this guy was a bit rude. Only realised who he was later. I guess he had to prove to her that he didn´t fancy me at all by being rude. There´s all sort of weirdos out there.

How did you jump to that conclusion?

The amount of trolls here is quite an achievement.

100% this. My ex always thought everyone was after him.

He said his SIL wanted him, even though I only ever heard her mocking him mercilessly, but he’d say she was flirting and sat too close, held his gaze etc. She was a foot taller than him and married to his taller, slimmer brother and referred to my ex in less than flattering terms more than once. Can’t imagine she’d have fancied him for one minute tbh, but he was convinced of it.

He was also convinced his cleaner fancied his brother because she’d made a joke once about wearing a French maid outfit while cleaning. Clearly if a woman makes a joke she must be secretly absolutely gagging for it.

He was always saying how his ex would have him back in heartbeat and that he got “plenty of offers” at work. I just wonder where he meets so many brazen hussies willing to be so upfront to a guy in a (then) relationship?!

Most likely is that someone held a door open for him once or asked him how his weekend was, and in his mind that must mean she wants him because he’d only bother doing it for someone he fancied.

Men are delusional about how attractive they are. You’ve only got to see how many of them stroll around with their sunburned beer bellies out on the first hot day of the year.

Your husband is a twat for taking what was probably at most a friendly smile, and making you distrust your friend because he can’t control his twitching penis in her vicinity.