Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Friend hit on my husband

143 replies

AleenaM · 01/05/2023 13:56

Trying to enlarge my circle of friends with kids, met this particular one at some busy kids parties, then a few times with other families too, recently she came to mine with her kid. Husband says she gave him a clear flirty look when I wasn't around, he wasn't comfortable with this and avoided her thereafter. Never really had this issue pre-kids or after kids in 13-14years, he's never said someone tried to hit on him, amongst friends or groups of people who know we are in a relation. She's in a complicated relationship with her child's father. I'd probably describe me and husband as modest people and private about our relationship, no PDA ever either, just to give context to say that we would never flirt as banter.

How big of a red flag is this in my friendship with her? Husband suggests to just keep our meetings to parks/play places and have a more superficial friendship ( I have already stupidly overshared some things with her, to do with our children as I felt her as trustworthy and genuine).

OP posts:
BackAgainstWall · 01/05/2023 23:03

If you believe and trust your DH bin her off.

I’ve known a couple of dangerous (frankly horrible) women who are attracted to married men. It’s caused a trail of destruction and a lot of pain.

5128gap · 01/05/2023 23:03

Only you can say if its a red flag OP, because only you know whether a woman looking at your husband is a threat to your marriage.
If your husband is faithful and not the type to have his head turned by a woman he believes looked at him, then it's a non issue, isn't it?
Would I cool the friendship? Personally on the basis of that somewhat vague anecdote, if I liked the woman and had seen no previous indication she was preying on modest unassuming spouses, then no. But my experience is that few men are so desirable their wives friends come on to them, and even if they do, men can typically fend them off easily enough without the protection of their wives.

Blondey2023 · 01/05/2023 23:13

A look?! How ridiculous. Tell me what this look is so that I'm sure not to unknowingly flirt with other people's husbands!

Ffs she may have had wind, or a lazy eye or something, or is your husband so drop dead gorgeous that it's the only explanation 😂

4plusthehound · 01/05/2023 23:24

OP - there is clearly a posse here trying to ridicule.

This is a new friend. Untested.

Is it worth it?

4plusthehound · 01/05/2023 23:26

Have none of you had a bloke come on to you in an inappropriate manner?

A friend of the family/husband/boyfriend?

Some people love that transgression.

It is not so unusal.

UmmMaryam2019 · 01/05/2023 23:34

I agree with your husband.

You can stay friends at a distance, in that time if your feel she not trustworthy back off.

Finding new friends, that you click with, as mums is hard.

Original poster
AleenaM · 01/05/2023 23:38

5128gap · 01/05/2023 23:03

Only you can say if its a red flag OP, because only you know whether a woman looking at your husband is a threat to your marriage.
If your husband is faithful and not the type to have his head turned by a woman he believes looked at him, then it's a non issue, isn't it?
Would I cool the friendship? Personally on the basis of that somewhat vague anecdote, if I liked the woman and had seen no previous indication she was preying on modest unassuming spouses, then no. But my experience is that few men are so desirable their wives friends come on to them, and even if they do, men can typically fend them off easily enough without the protection of their wives.

See this is where the thread went wrong, on assuming this would be a threat to me or my marriage - it's not. I trust my husband. He is a great guy but isn't so hot or desirable that she lost her senses, if she did do something, it must have been purely for fun and drama, in which case she is likely to be a problematic character which I can really do without.

I have not seen or observed her around other men jeez 😆. I like her but I don't love her and the parenting issue is significant for me, very harsh, authoritarian.

OP posts:
IDontWantToBeAPie · 01/05/2023 23:40

I wouldn't say 'a look' is hitting on someone tbh. Especially when men are notoriously bad at figuring out when women are flirting.

Starseeking · 01/05/2023 23:44

ArcticSkewer · 01/05/2023 17:14

Sure he didn't try it on with her and was rebuffed?

A clear flirty look, my arse. And now he needs you to back off the friendship? I would be suspicious ... of him.

I was thinking this too, as it's quite an odd turn of phrase he used.

FurAndFeathers · 01/05/2023 23:48

MzHz · 01/05/2023 17:17

Drop her like shes a white hot bag of shite

shes not your friend.

Because she looked at a man?

should all single women be shackled and veiled?

the misogyny in this thread is outstanding!

some of you clearly have extremely fragile marriages if a ‘look’ from a single woman is such a threat 😂

FurAndFeathers · 01/05/2023 23:50

I’d frankly be more concerned by the husband attempting to limit his wife’s friendships on the basis of a ‘look’

seems pretty controlling to me.
sounds like he doesn’t want you having friends

Mammyloveswine · 01/05/2023 23:52

Eh? "A clear flirty look" is not trying it on with your husband?!

Good god, at my mams wake I can remember drunkenly telling my best friends husband how handsome he looked in his suit and laughingly pulling on his tie.. no I wasn't trying it on I was drunk and grieving and he gave me a big hug!

MysteryBelle · 01/05/2023 23:53

In this case listen to your husband. In fact, dump her totally. She is not your friend in any way shape or form. Your husband told you, how are even considering keeping her as a friend? Bizarre.

Original poster
AleenaM · 01/05/2023 23:54

4plusthehound · 01/05/2023 23:26

Have none of you had a bloke come on to you in an inappropriate manner?

A friend of the family/husband/boyfriend?

Some people love that transgression.

It is not so unusal.

Funnily enough within the last year or so me and H had a few conversations about times over the years when I've had men act very very subtly inappropriate but I dissmissed it as overreacting and did not tell anyone, in a medical setting, an uncle, a friend, someone at work. In all cases, I said that I had a feeling but I am unsure, he told me I probably wasn't and to always trust your gut instict with these things. There is a fine line, but it is always noticeable to the person in question.

To all making fun of 'a look' - with a look or a stare and the context, I can give a hundred different messages, of judgement, of disgust, of admiration, of passing gas (FFS really!?), can be a blank stare, or indeed of sexual attraction - are you really trying to tell me a grown adult wouldn't sense the difference? Can you not tell the difference between these things?

OP posts:
Original poster
AleenaM · 01/05/2023 23:59

Can I please confirm incase it's hard to read.

She isn't single.

Husband didn't tell me to drop her.

I have a good few other friends, thanks.

Thanks to those who have provided real insight and things to think about and didn't just gaslight me about 'a look'. Wish there was men on here who could chip in too 😬

OP posts:
TenThousandFireflies · 02/05/2023 00:04

clpsmum · 01/05/2023 21:48

Your friend looked at your husband! I'm going against the grain here but don't think she is the one that's the shit friend here. She didn't hit on your husband

…in what way do you think you are “going against the grain” ???

Charlize43 · 02/05/2023 00:11

Get rid of her! Your husband's rejection of her could potentially put you all in danger. I've Just read of a case where a woman started local rumours about a man being a paedophile because he had refused to get involved with her. It completely wrecked his family life as well as his standing in the community.

FurAndFeathers · 02/05/2023 00:26

Charlize43 · 02/05/2023 00:11

Get rid of her! Your husband's rejection of her could potentially put you all in danger. I've Just read of a case where a woman started local rumours about a man being a paedophile because he had refused to get involved with her. It completely wrecked his family life as well as his standing in the community.

Yes, that’s the most likely outcome from a woman looking at your husband 🙄

well done - you win the batshit misogyny award 🏆

FurAndFeathers · 02/05/2023 00:27

MysteryBelle · 01/05/2023 23:53

In this case listen to your husband. In fact, dump her totally. She is not your friend in any way shape or form. Your husband told you, how are even considering keeping her as a friend? Bizarre.

Because it’s not Gilead, and we don’t all have to do as we’re told by men.

I honestly hope some of these posts are satire

AnyFucker · 02/05/2023 00:33

You and your husband sound a bit unusual

This woman might have had a lucky escape 😊

Gruffling · 02/05/2023 00:42

I'm autistic and struggle with making the right amount of eye contact/ smiling the right amount. I think sometimes I try too hard to appear friendly and it can look like flirting to men. Just putting it out there that the weird vibe the DH got could be neurodiversity.

MysteryBelle · 02/05/2023 00:44

FurAndFeathers · 02/05/2023 00:27

Because it’s not Gilead, and we don’t all have to do as we’re told by men.

I honestly hope some of these posts are satire

Show quote history

Oh my the men haters are back. I knew someone would twist what I said. Listen to op’s spouse who got hit on, who happens to be op’s husband, and happens to be a man. Oh no, listen to The Evil Man?!?

You knew exactly what I meant, I would say the same if other way round, I’d say listen to your wife trying to tell you that someone hit on her. It’s the same exact situation either way.

🙄

So foolish and ignorant.

Charlize43 · 02/05/2023 00:47

FurAndFeathers · 02/05/2023 00:26

Yes, that’s the most likely outcome from a woman looking at your husband 🙄

well done - you win the batshit misogyny award 🏆

Show quote history

What an idiotic response!

FurAndFeathers · 02/05/2023 00:49

MysteryBelle · 02/05/2023 00:44

Oh my the men haters are back. I knew someone would twist what I said. Listen to op’s spouse who got hit on, who happens to be op’s husband, and happens to be a man. Oh no, listen to The Evil Man?!?

You knew exactly what I meant, I would say the same if other way round, I’d say listen to your wife trying to tell you that someone hit on her. It’s the same exact situation either way.

🙄

So foolish and ignorant.

Show quote history

Wow! There’s a lot of name-calling and projection in that post!

interesting you feel the need to be so unpleasant 🤷‍♀️

FurAndFeathers · 02/05/2023 00:51

Charlize43 · 02/05/2023 00:47

What an idiotic response!

Show quote history

Well, at least there’s consistency in the level of debate!