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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Update on holiday from hell with a friend

27 replies

KathyLoves · 01/05/2023 10:41

A while ago I posted this https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/money-matters/4660043-settling-the-bill-after-holiday-with-a-friend so thought I'd share an update considering how many comments it drew...

I was in a really bad place and I think the trip pushed me over the edge. After a lot of time working through my anxiety and stress I realised I needed to confront the friend...

I told her I felt treated like a personal assistant instead of a friend while on holiday and she basically denied almost everything, accused me of being judgemental and took no responsibility.

Oh, and she insists the not having a working card thing was bad luck and not her fault. When I asked why the card worked 1-2 times but otherwise not at all she say 'I don't know it was really weird' but when I said it made me feel like she was using me to deal with admin she denied it and insisted it wasn't her fault ('they just have a stupid banking system' 🙄).

It was very freeing to confront her about her behaviour, she's apparently lost friends in the past with no idea why so at least now she'll know!

Anyway, glad I told her, glad I'm doing better... I'm completely despair for the state of our country when people like her are in positions of power though. What can you do!

Settling the bill after holiday with a friend... | Mumsnet

So, my friend and I planned a once in a lifetime kid-free trip to Mexico. Finally, we got to go in September however I was signed off on stress leave...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/money-matters/4660043-settling-the-bill-after-holiday-with-a-friend

OP posts:
FlamingoQueen · 01/05/2023 10:55

I remember the thread. Well done for speaking to her. Just don’t go on holiday with her ever again!

Original poster
KathyLoves · 01/05/2023 10:59

FlamingoQueen · 01/05/2023 10:55

I remember the thread. Well done for speaking to her. Just don’t go on holiday with her ever again!

Thanks. Ha, yeah, never gonna happen again. Her reaction to me confronting her has also made me question the whether we'll remain friends at all. Lesson learned though!

OP posts:
jannier · 01/05/2023 11:04

Did she pay up?

Original poster
KathyLoves · 01/05/2023 11:17

jannier · 01/05/2023 11:04

Did she pay up?

Yep. I updated the thread at the time to say she did.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 01/05/2023 11:24

KathyLoves · 01/05/2023 10:59

Thanks. Ha, yeah, never gonna happen again. Her reaction to me confronting her has also made me question the whether we'll remain friends at all. Lesson learned though!

Show quote history

Why would you actually even consider that you're still friends?
She really isn't one

TeenLifeMum · 01/05/2023 11:35

I’ve just read the other thread and glad it’s sorted and you can move on.

I’m more angry about the poster saying it’s not a “trip of a lifetime” like Mexico is a normal, every summer type holiday. They are so detached from reality of the majority of people in this country.

Beenaroundtheblocktoomanytimes · 01/05/2023 11:55

Well done OP. Sadly folk like this rarely take on board what friends and family tell them and never learn but you have and can move on now. Best of luck 👍

Original poster
KathyLoves · 01/05/2023 12:07

Nanny0gg · 01/05/2023 11:24

Why would you actually even consider that you're still friends?
She really isn't one

Show quote history

If she took responsibility and apologised I'd consider it... we went through a lot together during Covid but now I've stopped making excuses for her behaviour I'm realising more and and more how messed up her behaviour has been (not just on the trip, but generally) so every day that passes (I talked to her on Friday) I feel more and more done with our friendship.

OP posts:
Mortimercat · 01/05/2023 12:09

I don’t understand the update. I would also have been annoyed if a friend came on holiday without a working card, but it sounds like a genuine mistake, she paid you back promptly and more than you even asked for. You seem to have created quite a drama over absolutely nothing and for some reason are bringing it up again six months later.

Original poster
KathyLoves · 01/05/2023 12:11

TeenLifeMum · 01/05/2023 11:35

I’ve just read the other thread and glad it’s sorted and you can move on.

I’m more angry about the poster saying it’s not a “trip of a lifetime” like Mexico is a normal, every summer type holiday. They are so detached from reality of the majority of people in this country.

Yeah! The friend also clearly has a lot more money than me and thought nothing of sticking me with a big credit card bill because apparently it wasn't a big deal to her!

She's about to go on her second holiday since we were away! I never judged her before but she actually thinks it's normal!

Anyway, I'm also glad it's all over and I can move on. Lessons learnt!

OP posts:
Original poster
KathyLoves · 01/05/2023 12:11

Beenaroundtheblocktoomanytimes · 01/05/2023 11:55

Well done OP. Sadly folk like this rarely take on board what friends and family tell them and never learn but you have and can move on now. Best of luck 👍

Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
KathyLoves · 01/05/2023 12:18

Mortimercat · 01/05/2023 12:09

I don’t understand the update. I would also have been annoyed if a friend came on holiday without a working card, but it sounds like a genuine mistake, she paid you back promptly and more than you even asked for. You seem to have created quite a drama over absolutely nothing and for some reason are bringing it up again six months later.

If you want more details of why it was more than just the card they're in the original thread. Basically: she acted selfishly on holiday expecting me to do everything and cater for her very specific needs (dietary, emotional, physical). I've avoided her as much as possible since.

I had her over for dinner a few weeks ago and she started telling me about her friend who was 'high maintenance and has a lovely husband (not sure why he'd go for her when she's such hard work) but she has long Covid and can barely get off the sofa and how this was has a beautiful daughter and isnt it so unfair that she has a great husband and a daughter when she doesn't deserve it and I'd be a far better mother and wife to them?' After that I realised I cannot be friends with someone who says things like this or thinks this way and it brought up all my unresolved issues from our holiday. There are 100 other 'little' things but this was the final straw. If that's how she talks about her closest friends that's on her. If she doesn't see anything wrong with her words or actions she doesn't have to change but I'm not hanging around to put up with it.

OP posts:
Fluffywabbits · 01/05/2023 12:19

"I don’t understand the update. I would also have been annoyed if a friend came on holiday without a working card, but it sounds like a genuine mistake, she paid you back promptly and more than you even asked for. You seem to have created quite a drama over absolutely nothing and for some reason are bringing it up again six months later."

This!

ValerieDoonican · 01/05/2023 12:30

Well done OP. I understand why you needed to confront her and also why it took so long to summon up the courage to do it. But - a great update!

Original poster
KathyLoves · 01/05/2023 12:58

ValerieDoonican · 01/05/2023 12:30

Well done OP. I understand why you needed to confront her and also why it took so long to summon up the courage to do it. But - a great update!

Thanks 💛

OP posts:
tribpot · 01/05/2023 13:30

Glad you confronted her, @KathyLoves . She's clearly got away with this behaviour for years because other people pick up after her, she needs to know there is both a financial and an emotional cost to it.

As she has always paid up straight away, if it was just the money, and even more if she had been up front about the fact she finds it really difficult (although apparently not impossible 🙄) to manage money and would you mind subbing her til you were back in the UK, it MIGHT have been forgivable, even though you'd never want to go through that again on holiday. But clearly she has a major attitude problem as well, ordering you around like a servant. And with this latest gem she has a serious problem with entitlement (too much) and empathy (not enough).

Some good lessons learned - I hope at some point you get to go on the fabulous holiday you deserve!

Ohdofuckofdear · 01/05/2023 13:57

You sound lovely OP and she sounds like a bloody nightmare, I thought what she put you through on holiday was bad enough but to then have to listen to her talking about another one of her friends like that she's bloody awful and honestly sounds like she's planning on putting the moves on the other friends husband.

I'm glad you called her out on her behaviour and I hope your feeling better now and not having to deal with so much stress.

KievLoverTwo · 01/05/2023 22:51

I was close friends with a guy for 23 years who, unbeknownst to me, was a sociopath. I could never pin down what bugged me. Was it the complete lack of empathy? The ruthlessness? Saying ‘I would totally tap that’ despite knowing that kind of talk left a sour taste in my mouth?

There were so many things about him that were just ‘off.’ The lying, seemingly being incapable to accept responsibility (his old bosses had a vendetta against him and ruined his reputation is why he struggled in his field - not him regularly getting shitfaced, face planting the pavement and everyone knowing about it - or regularly trying to sleep with anyone attractive even if they were part of his client team).

Anyway, I got strong vibes of him when reading your post and a few of your replies.

Sociopath. They absolutely excel in senior roles; it’s almost seen as a plus if the CEO you are thinking of recruiting has sociopathic tendencies, and a good number of them are indeed sociopaths.

It’s not nice and they will never change. I don’t actually think they can.

So, easing away from the friendship slowly seems like the best thing that you can do. I simply told him to fuck off after years of him letting me down and forgetting my birthday and never heard from him again; they HATE to admit when they are in the wrong.

Perhaps this holiday comes as a blessing to rid yourself of her, and you will pick up red flags of future friends far more quickly than you would have, had you not had this awful experience.

sladys · 01/05/2023 23:09

Glad it's sorted op!

Did we ever get to work out who it was? 😂 that's the update I'm really waiting on 😂

foulksmills · 31/05/2023 19:38

sladys · 01/05/2023 23:09

Glad it's sorted op!

Did we ever get to work out who it was? 😂 that's the update I'm really waiting on 😂

It was...

... Rebekah Vardy

olympicsrock · 31/05/2023 19:42

Well done!

ihatethecold · 31/05/2023 20:19

foulksmills · 31/05/2023 19:38

It was...

... Rebekah Vardy

Show quote history

Hahahhha haha 😂

MBappse · 31/05/2023 20:31

Is she an MP?

CoffeeBeansGalore · 31/05/2023 20:37

The one who went to court against Colleen Rooney?

ItsNotRocketSalad · 31/05/2023 20:52

Mortimercat · 01/05/2023 12:09

I don’t understand the update. I would also have been annoyed if a friend came on holiday without a working card, but it sounds like a genuine mistake, she paid you back promptly and more than you even asked for. You seem to have created quite a drama over absolutely nothing and for some reason are bringing it up again six months later.

The point is to prompt more people to guess who this person of power is.