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Original poster

Would having a baby make up for being in an unhappy relationship?

135 replies

Abbi634 · 29/04/2023 08:18

I am unhappy in my marriage. I have lost quite a bit of love and respect for my husband, due to several things he's done and said.

Does having a baby ever make up for an unhappy relationship? Does the love and companionship of a child make it worth staying? I often imagine the cute smiles and cuddles.

Has anyone been in this position, had a baby, and then been glad they've stayed?

I am 36, and I've always thought I've wanted children. I've been putting it off due to my hesitation about the relationship.

But if I leave, I know it's less likely I will have a child - there's no guarantee I will meet someone else.

OP posts:
gannett · 29/04/2023 08:35

If you're seriously asking this question, there's a lot of work you need to be doing on yourself. It shouldn't need to be asked. Of course bloody not.

Lottapianos · 29/04/2023 08:37

'If you're seriously asking this question, there's a lot of work you need to be doing on yourself. It shouldn't need to be asked. Of course bloody not.'

This. Leave him - you're miserable and life is too short to live like that.

msisfine · 29/04/2023 08:43

Noooooooooooo it is the hardest thing we've ever been through as a couple and you need to be absolutely solid to get through it.

Choconut · 29/04/2023 08:45

I can't imagine anyone ever saying this could be a good idea, please don't do it.

Lcb123 · 29/04/2023 08:49

def not. And very unfair on the child

BeetleBailey · 29/04/2023 08:50

A baby will make it a lot worse

Exhausteddog · 29/04/2023 08:50

No.
You have to go through much pain, sleeples nights, crying (likely baby and you) feeding, winding, nappies etc before you even get to the first smile.
And despite being in a happy and stable relationship, and loving my newborn, the first year with a baby was probably the loneliest I've ever felt

Premiumum · 29/04/2023 08:51

There are some great answers here op. Please don't do it. I grew up in a dysfunctional family and had a miserable childhood.

Urghfedup · 29/04/2023 08:52

Babies are emotional sponges and pick up on feelings in the environment round them. They also don’t smile like the advertisements a lot of them scream, some of them non stop.

PinkFootstool · 29/04/2023 08:52

You'd be nuts.

Friends of ours had a relationship that was failing. So they bought a puppy. That didn't work, they gave away the puppy aged 5mths and they got married. That didn't work, so they had a baby. All in about 16-18mths. They separated when the baby was 4mths old. He doesn't see the child at all (feckless variety of indifferent father).

jammiedodgerfriday · 29/04/2023 08:55

Ashamed to say I did this, although I was a lot younger, 29, and we ended up splitting anyway when the baby was 2 and a half.

No regrets with having my DD, she is my entire world. But if anything it made my relationship with exH even worse and it was a tough time.

8 years later I have a beautiful DD, remarried and have another baby on the way with someone I adore and who adores me. I know time isn't on your side but you need someone who is invested in you before you have a baby.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 29/04/2023 08:56

No. Worse if anything.

baddecisions11 · 29/04/2023 08:58

No. My marriage was incredibly happy and healthy then our baby was born and it has been more difficult than ever! We love each other still and want to be together but the added stress of a baby has really taken its toll on our relationship. It's getting better though as he is getting a bit older

wrinkleintime · 29/04/2023 08:59

Well you can easily answer this by putting yourself in the position of the child in this scenario.

You are being brought into the world to try and 'fix' your parents.

That's wrong and selfish.

What do you think their childhood is going to be like with parents who don't love and respect one another?

If you're going to bring a child into this world - especially in the state it's in at the moment - the least you should be able to provide is a stable and secure base for them. You don't have that unfortunately.

I hope that things get better for you soon but this is not the way.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 29/04/2023 09:02

Hard no
no no no

leave and get some sperm elsewhere
seriously 😐

my ex not only messed me up
but my eldest child too
I’m ok , child isn’t 😞

ohfook · 29/04/2023 09:03

I think the question you need to ask yourself is what is it like being an only child in the middle of an unhappy marriage and would you want to inflict that on somebody?

PaintedEgg · 29/04/2023 09:03

that's a terrible idea and everyone will suffer for it, but baby most of all

namechangeforthisx · 29/04/2023 09:08

Babies/children are bloody hard work and will test even the strongest of marriages/relationships. They certainly aren't sticking plasters. Don't do it.

Nottodaty · 29/04/2023 09:08

Please no, don’t do it. I have friends who after their first baby went through a very rocky time. She wanted to children close together so they fell pregnant quite quickly second time. They separated when he was 6 months old. The baby did not fix a broken marriage. 10 years down the line its the children affected and it’s so sad to see.

AnonymousA1 · 29/04/2023 09:10

No.
your bringing a child into unhappiness.

squashyhat · 29/04/2023 09:10

I'm not going to add to the chorus of nos but I am going to question your sanity. Seriously? You need a lot of help. Spend the money you would have spent on a child getting yourself into therapy.

Aslanplustwo · 29/04/2023 09:12

Definitely NO

WandaWonder · 29/04/2023 09:14

Think of the poor child being brought into this, no of course it makes no sense and incredibly self centred, and yes I am well aware we are meant to do the softly softly 'oh we understand poor you' but please really think about the child

LolaSmiles · 29/04/2023 09:16

No.
It's not the job of a baby to fix adults' issues.

As the baby grows into a child they're going to be always caught between their parents' conflict, and then what happens? The parents end up subconsciously end up resenting that the child didn't fix the marital issues? Or the child has to become peacemaker? Or the parents stay together for the child but they child knows the parents don't like each other? Or the parents split and the child has more disruption and the conflict continues between their separated parents for 18 years?

It's one thing for a relationship to end when there's children involved, and another to actively bring a child into an unhappy relationship.

BreviloquentBastard · 29/04/2023 09:19

Absolutely not, don't be so bloody selfish.

It's not just "a baby", it's not just "cute smiles and cuddles", have you ever met a child? You're not just having "a baby", it's a human being you're bringing into this world. A child is not a plaster for your shitty relationship. Imagine putting the pressure of fixing mum and dad's marriage onto a child before it's even born? Ridiculous.

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