Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What did I do wrong? Getting silent treatment

112 replies

Muddleground · 23/04/2023 23:09

My DH is not talking to me.
I have 2 children and he has 1. All with us this wknd.
He told me this weekend was all about me and my children and I wasn't very inclusive. I've asked what I could've done differently for future reference, but am receiving the silent treatment.

Friday, picked my 2 up from school as normal, took 1 for a hair cut, i did ask his son if he wanted haircut too, dropped the youngest at grandparents while i went food shopping as they live near supermarket, went to pet shop for dog food, then the 3 of us arrived home at about 6.45, much later than normal. We take weekly turns to go food shopping but he said he was busy with work so I offered to go to save him some time.

Saturday morning took 1 of mine for a medical appointment, his went to football.
I suggested when we are all home by lunchtime we have a day out, which we did, the 5 of us, had dinner out too, all seemed to have a lovely time. Good quality family time I thought.

Sunday, I was due to take his son to football as I do most weeks, however my son wanted to go out with friends which meant he needed dropping off. The times clashed a bit so I suggested his mum takes him and I meet them there. His mum always comes anyway, and lives very close by.
DH said he wanted to log onto laptop and do some work sunday morning, so I said I'd see if grandparents wanted to spend some time with my youngest, 10, again while we're out and hes working. They are close and haven't seen much recently.

Seems like a balanced weekend to me. I'm clearly missing something but don't know what.

What am I missing? What have I done to deserve this? What wasn't inclusive?

OP posts:
THisbackwithavengeance · 23/04/2023 23:13

Sounds like a normal/busy typical family weekend. I've read your OP twice and can't see anything untoward.

If he won't talk to you then you can't possible found out what the issue is.

Nothing worse than a sulker. Let's hope he snaps out of it soon. In the meantime, ignore him back.

BigPussyEnergy · 23/04/2023 23:16

Doesn’t matter what you did or didn’t do with whom. Nobody deserves the silent treatment. He needs to grow the fuck up and talk to you if he has a problem.

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/04/2023 23:17

So he's in a bad mood what is unable to tell you why? He wants to make you feel bad but has no good reason. You have done absolutely nothing wrong.

Original poster
Muddleground · 23/04/2023 23:20

Yep! Nothing worse than a sulker!

All I got was "it's all been about you and your children"
Which I take seriously as I don't want that to be the case. But I just can't see it.

The only thing I can think of is that he feels left out. Not involved Friday, shopping, hair cut, pet shop, why would you want to be involved in chores?

Was left at home Saturday morning.
And then left at home again Sunday. But that's all through choice. He chooses not to be involved

OP posts:
Original poster
Muddleground · 23/04/2023 23:22

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/04/2023 23:17

So he's in a bad mood what is unable to tell you why? He wants to make you feel bad but has no good reason. You have done absolutely nothing wrong.

And he's succeeded, I do feel bad.

OP posts:
Tresfren · 23/04/2023 23:27

The silent treatment is a form of abuse. It's called stonewalling. He doesn't sound very nice and it's very emotionally immature to refuse to communicate and sulk like a toddler rather than articulate exactly what's bothering him. Let him have his tantrum but I'd be rethinking the relationship tbh - now you'll be going over everything you've said/ done over weekend and maybe in future in case it displeases him in some way.

Goodread1 · 23/04/2023 23:27

Tell him to grow up

He sounds like a man child massive Prick. Your husband is @Muddleground

Men like this do my fuckin head in

Shit attitude men like this have

Want to be pander to their childish whims on tap constantly expect Planet Earth to revolve around them

Man child grow the fuck up...

Tresfren · 23/04/2023 23:29

Muddleground · 23/04/2023 23:22

And he's succeeded, I do feel bad.

Show quote history

You feel bad and are questionning/ doubting yourself. This is exactly what he wants to achieve with the silent tactic. This is about control/ punishing you even though you've done nothing wrong and just spent a normal weekend. Wake up OP, he's an arsehole

Pixiedust1234 · 23/04/2023 23:30

He told me this weekend was all about me and my children and I wasn't very inclusive.

You didn't include him. He was the only one not getting your attention but since that is/sounds pathetic hes pretending its about his child. It isn't.

Original poster
Muddleground · 23/04/2023 23:32

Tresfren · 23/04/2023 23:29

You feel bad and are questionning/ doubting yourself. This is exactly what he wants to achieve with the silent tactic. This is about control/ punishing you even though you've done nothing wrong and just spent a normal weekend. Wake up OP, he's an arsehole

Show quote history

I agree, he is an arsehole.

OP posts:
Original poster
Muddleground · 23/04/2023 23:35

Pixiedust1234 · 23/04/2023 23:30

He told me this weekend was all about me and my children and I wasn't very inclusive.

You didn't include him. He was the only one not getting your attention but since that is/sounds pathetic hes pretending its about his child. It isn't.

Exactly this. His child was involved in everything and had lots going on all weekend!
It's like he's feeling sorry for himself and blaming me, and taking it out on me.

I'm getting the blame for him being unhappy.

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 23/04/2023 23:38

I would tell him I would make him happy and leave him then. If you are doing everything for him, and he is still unhappy then he will never be happy. And he will blame you for that as well.

elzober · 23/04/2023 23:39

You're getting the blame but surely he could have asked to join in and participate more in things if he'd wanted? All he had to do was ask or does he expect you to read his mind?

TheSilveryPussycat · 23/04/2023 23:40

Could it be because you asked his ex for help, ie he resents you getting on with her?

Aquamarine1029 · 23/04/2023 23:42

I bet his ex left him for the same shit you're dealing with. What a prick.

Hercisback · 23/04/2023 23:43

What an arse.

I'd seriously question my relationship if I were you.

AtrociousCircumstance · 23/04/2023 23:46

What did he do to support the family this weekend? To create inclusivity? To actually meet the needs of the children?

Wanker.

UndercoverCop · 23/04/2023 23:46

So he worked late Friday leaving you to do the hairdresser, food shopping, pet food run with 2 DC in tow, you asked his DC if he wanted to come for a haircut and he declined, his child went to football Saturday while yours had a med appt, the rest of the day was family time. Your DH then chose to work Sunday morning when you were running your DC around and his DC went to football with his own mother who was going anyway.
The only person who has left out his DC is him. Why didn't he go to his child's football? Did he really have to work Sunday morning or child he have spent time with his child?
You've accommodated everyone as best you can whilst running around getting errands done and dropping various DC here there and everywhere.
While he did what exactly?

SarahDippity · 23/04/2023 23:49

It sounds like a very normal, child-centred weekend. What ages are your older child, and his son? Presumably they are both of an age to potter around at home and don’t need to all be carted around together. it’s goof that you could contact the son’s mum, so presumably you are on okay terms.

is he projecting his working Sunday guilt onto you?

No excuse for his silence.

Fraaahnces · 23/04/2023 23:50

I would lose my shit living with that. He got what HE wanted, didn’t he? How much fucking time did he put into his own kid? None. I bet his ex gave him a piece of her mind. Sounds like you do more with his kid than he does.

WhereYouLeftIt · 23/04/2023 23:51

"We take weekly turns to go food shopping but he said he was busy with work so I offered to go to save him some time."

"DH said he wanted to log onto laptop and do some work sunday morning, ... and hes working."

Sounds to me like he's avoiding family life. 'Working'. Sorry, but the thought that flashed through my mind was that he is preparing to check out of your marriage, and so he's rewriting history to make it your fault. He's a coward who won't take responsibility for his own actions.

Restinggoddess · 23/04/2023 23:57

Next time he says something like this ( it was all about you and your children) - the response is ‘That’s not true’

You don’t need to second guess his thinking or what you think he thinks you did wrong - all of that is wasted energy

A simple That’s not true - is exactly what he is not expecting you to say and stops you trying to appease him

LadyJ2023 · 24/04/2023 00:08

All I see is a good mum who is actually doing everything for all children which I commend. Hate when there separated who's who's kids but your actually doing things with all and that's amazing making them all feel included. I did feel dad should have pulled his finger out to help a little to ease you load. Hey men sulk over the weirdest stuff dont let it get to you ignore him.

Fraaahnces · 24/04/2023 00:55

Sulking, emotionally abusive manchildren are all scriptable too.
Next weekend he can do all of the child-centric stuff (including laundry and groceries) so he doesn’t “Miss Out”. You can stay at home with your feet up.

Duckingella · 24/04/2023 03:02

What stands out is that you spend a significant amount of time on your DH's contact time with your step son doing the parenting and running step son around that HE should be doing.

This is because you didn't take his son to Saturday and Sunday morning football and instead prioritised your own children which was the right choice here.

He probably would have been more than happy for you to cancel your child's appointment and told your son he wasn't allowed to meet his friends in order to ferry your step son about.

This is because this weekend has highlighted his own shortcomings as a father.