Wife wants to meet another man

[Treeline5]

My wife told me she's going to meet a man for coffee.

It's a work thing. Not someone she works with, but someone who works for another company and they've chatted in cross company zoom/teams meetings etc..and then started emailing each other, all work related, and have now decided it would be nice to actually meet each other. Again, for work purposes. They don't work on anything together, not working on any projects together, just both have the same job type for different companies, so that is their common ground. "Bounce ideas off each other" is what she said.

She told me about her plans. I commented that I don't know why you have to meet him, feels like you've got a good working relationship with him, but now you want to take it to the next level to become friends.
I said it's great that you're networking and making new contacts in your industry, she told me loads of stuff about him, where he lives, family background, wife children etc..so has obviously got to know him well enough so far without actually meeting him, so why the need to take it any further?
I know this comes across as massively jealous. But who does this? Men don't do this for any other reason than you know what. Are women different?
I'm not suggesting my wife has any other motive here, but he probably has. I don't know who invited who.

My wife is very annoyed at me for saying what i thought.

and I would’ve said exactly the same to a woman posting about a man.

Why does my wife feel like she needs, or wants another male friend in her life?

Maybe she just wants to be friends with someone she gets on well with online. It just happens he's male.

I understand why she wants to meet. I've worked with people all round the world, so the chances of meeting in person are often slim, but it is great to meet people face to face when you've only interacted online and on the phone before. I have friends I first "knew" online. It's even better now we've met in person, too. Face-to-face is better when it's possible

I work in a male-dominated industry. I have been the only woman in a department of about 40. I have mentally assessed every guy I've worked with as a potential shag, but in most cases, this assessment took less than a second because it's so definitely a no. It's a natural instinct, but even if it were a yes, you don't have to act on it. But if someone is going to have an affair, others aren't likely to put them off - they already know they shouldn't be doing it. Telling someone not to have friends of the opposite sex is dickish.

Absolutely this. And frankly, people with good, sustaining friendships are more
likely to have good marriages — no one should be entirely emotionally-dependent on only one person.

I would be wary of this too.

What you should have done, OP, is keep all the details of your question the same, but pretend to be a woman concerned that her husband was meeting a female colleague for a ‘networking’ lunch. MN is notorious for double standards, so it’s likely tou would have received very different replies
From some posters I think you're right.

A lot of us would say the same thing though, but would probably be described (just as we have on this thread IIRC) as being the "cool wives".

If I were you I would find out where they are having their coffee and turn up at the cafe to catch them out...Go in fuming and all guns blazing, ask in a raised voice for the bloke what his intentions are with your wife

Absolutely agree with every word of this.

I network, don’t need to use my time with my family to do it though.

I would not be happy.

Or challenge him to a duel, maybe? After all he’s clearly cocking a leg on the OP’s marital territory.

I'm astonished by the number of people who think this is problematic.

I regularly meet up for coffee/lunch with work contacts from other organisations who do a similar role to mine - both men and women. We chat about work and personal stuff. It's just networking. Honestly, it has never even occurred to me that anyone might object to this, and DH would only know about it if it came up in conversation.

There is certainly nothing going on between me and any of these people. It's simply the case that we do a challenging and stressful job and it's nice to be able to talk to people who understand that.

Man here
I think you are over-reacting OP, They get on on-line, work in similar fields so are going to meet up for a coffee to put a face to the name, they might them meet regularly for a chat.
My wife has more male friends than female, many are people she's met through work and kept in touch with, i've met some of them, not in the slightest bothered.
My best friend is female, we've been mates for over 20 years, long before I met the wife - we went to the theatre the other week and then on to dinner, dropped her home and went in for a coffee with her hubby, (who I introduced her too) who isn't a theatre lover!

I think what people are saying OP, is you need to increase your female frienships and see the benefits of hanging out with friends of the opposite sex. Start making more female friends and spending more time with them and getting to know them more personally, it will feel more balanced and your wife will be happy to have you out more with women friends.

I would have replied in exactly the same way.
My DH regularly meets with colleagues and people from different organisations that do his job and as he works in a female dominated profession most of these meetings are with women.

Sometimes he meets them for coffee or lunch and occasionally drinks.

@Treeline5
Men don't do this for any other reason than you know what.

Of course they do! I've lost count of the number of men I've met for coffee around work. Not shagged one of them.

Your husband sounds controlling.

If she was planning to be up to no good wouldn't she have kept this meeting hidden from you?

It's not exactly a thrilling trust if she tells you about it!

Zombie thread

Could be sinister. Could be bizdevs (I hate that contraction but it is what it is).

People in my firm are actively encouraged and have to now log "relationships which may lead to opportunities" on our CRM.

She probably doesn't need a new male friend, she might need a new (sex not important) person for her BD to be up-to-date.

Have you actually asked her about it?

I one hundred percent agree with Treeline that his wife's strong desire to meet a man from out of town sounds suspicious as all get out. Like him, I believe that his wife and this man are already engaged in an emotional affair, which they gained from their long-time Zoom and email internet communication. And that now they are meeting to discuss taking it to the next level. So, like Treeline, I cannot see any other reason for her to want to meet a man from another city that she equally suspiciously seems to know utterly everything about except for an explicit desire to engage in a sexual relationship with him. In my view, she clearly said to her husband, Treeline, “I do not care if you are uncomfortable with me hooking up with this man. You can either accept it or make other arrangements for yourself because I am going to hook up with him regardless of your feelings. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. It's time for Treeline to contact a lawyer and cover his finances.

You are being ridiculously controlling with your attitude towards this.

Be warned- this IS controlling behaviour and you need to accept that it is and get some therapy or it will be your fault that your marriage is over, not your wife's or some work colleague.