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Relationships

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Original poster

Do you think you are with your 'soulmate'

122 replies

madeinchelsea91 · 21/04/2023 22:50

Hi, I (31f) live with my partner (32m).

We have been together coming up 7 years this year and we have 3 young children under 5 years. We have a nice life, you know, nice house, nice car, lots of friends, social, can afford for our son to go to independent school, so quite lucky really. It is all down to my partner and how he works and his work ethic and I am always grateful for everything he does for us.
The problem is our relationship is also just 'fine'. We get along I guess, but generally don't really share any of the same interests. We seem to only talk about the kids, something to do with the house, maybe share gossip about our mutual friends but that's it. We don't seem to have a romantic relationship at the moment, our youngest is 6 months. My days are taken up looking after the kids and sorting the house, the endless meal prepping, tidying, washing. My partner works all hours under the sun, but sometimes i feel he just prefers to be out of the house!
He proposed to me 2 years ago and I said yes. Although since then, we haven't really spoken about getting married. To be honest, I don't know if I want to marry him. Sometimes I just feel like he's not my person.. other than living together and having our children, I don't feel we are compatible.
Maybe I'm comparing it to the movies, but I just don't feel that much for him. Even when he proposed I wasn't blown away and in this little love bubble. It was just like 'oh okay'. It almost felt awkward. I see these couples on social media writing all these gushy posts about their partners and about how they love them more than anything in the world etc.. I wonder why I don't feel like that, or are they just doing it for likes?

So my question is, does anyone else feel like this? Or have you?
Did you stay in your relationship? Do you think soulmates exist? I don't know if I'm expecting too much

OP posts:

Mustardandchickensandwiches · 21/04/2023 22:53

Soul mates as far as I believe in them (I don't believe the fairytale version, all relationships take work) yes, I believe in them. I believe I'm married to mine.

Toiletfriend · 21/04/2023 22:59

I don't believe I soulmates. I think there are many people we could be compatible with, it's just timing, luck and circumstance

Mustardandchickensandwiches · 21/04/2023 23:03

However I have been married twice. The first time round the short version was he just didn't 'get' me. Fundamental parts of who I am irritated him.

I get really excited over the silliest stuff, he hated that. DH smiles indulgently

I talk passionately and at length about history and I love to visit historical places like palaces. DH comes with me and enjoys it because I love it so much. Exh would never he would rather have gone to the pub.

I love musical theatre, DH comes with me and sometimes sings along too

He will dance with me, infront of other people.

He loves it when I sing at the top of my lungs when I cook, even though I'm no Beyonce.

He is the most important person in my life and I his.

PickleOfAConundrum · 21/04/2023 23:03

I'm best friends and soul mates with my husband. I can tell him anything and if I need advice he's there to guide me. I went through a bad time last year and still ongoing health concerns resulting in me going in for major surgery soon and he's been a rock through it all.

MissLucyLiu · 21/04/2023 23:04

Yes but I met him when I turned my 30s. It is a very different feeling to all the love I’ve felt before

Marineboy67 · 21/04/2023 23:04

I'm about as happy as can be 7 years on...my partner gets me, laughs at my shit jokes, understands my dysfunctional behavior at times. Most of all we're able to keep it real and keep laughing

Mustardandchickensandwiches · 21/04/2023 23:06

We have the same sense of humor. It's awful bad humor but I often cry laughing at his jokes and comments.

OP, you need to explore what your situation is. Therapy could help. You only get one life don't settle.

EconomyClassRockstar · 21/04/2023 23:07

I truly believe DH and I were meant to be together. There were just so many coincidences when we met. Nearly 28 years later, still going strong and happy.

That said, I know loads of people who would say that was bullshit and seem just as happy in their lives as we are.

AnnieSnap · 21/04/2023 23:10

I am with my soul mate. We have been together 15-years, married for 7. However, we met when I was 49 and him 55. We had both been married to the wrong person for 30 years.

BridieConvert · 21/04/2023 23:11

Toiletfriend · 21/04/2023 22:59

I don't believe I soulmates. I think there are many people we could be compatible with, it's just timing, luck and circumstance

Agree with this.
Met DH and fell in love with him but I don't believe we were destined to be together or anything like that.

Covidiokilledtheradiostar · 21/04/2023 23:11

I didn’t used to believe in soul mates but since meeting DH I do. I’m sure he’s mine.

Ghislainedefeligonde · 21/04/2023 23:13

I’m with the wrong person sadly. Have been married a long time but will be separating as soon as we sell the house. I realised how little we had in common and that what love there had been had gone. Some of the stories from other posters make me hope I can find the right person in the future, I’m not prepared to spend another 20 plus years being unhappily married.

brunettemic · 21/04/2023 23:16

I’m not sure I believe in soul mates in the sense there’s literally only one person for you. You can meet one person but that could be one of of many people. I’m not sure I’m explaining myself very well 😂 comparing to movies, social media or even others stories on here is a dangerous game but it does sound like you’ve got doubts and that’s not fair on your, or DP in fairness.

Unbridezilla · 21/04/2023 23:18

I believe even soulmate relationships need work, and a 6mo isn't conducive to an all encompassing hollywood romantic relationship.

Friarclose · 21/04/2023 23:19

I love my DH endlessly, together 10 years, we'll be together till one of us dies.

But no he's not my soulmate, my best friend of 30 years is.

AllBellyandBoobs · 21/04/2023 23:22

Friarclose · 21/04/2023 23:19

I love my DH endlessly, together 10 years, we'll be together till one of us dies.

But no he's not my soulmate, my best friend of 30 years is.

If I hadn't been married 12 years, I would think you were me...

CuriousMama · 21/04/2023 23:22

Can you remember what you felt like before dcs OP?

Hbh17 · 21/04/2023 23:23

There is no such thing as "a soulmate" - that's sentimental claptrap. The people we meet are purely random, including those we marry. If we stay married for a long time, it is usually down to a combination of luck and pragmatism - romance has nothing to do with it.

Happyhappyeveryday · 21/04/2023 23:24

No. It’s all about timing and choosing to be committed.

Bimbom · 21/04/2023 23:25

Toiletfriend · 21/04/2023 22:59

I don't believe I soulmates. I think there are many people we could be compatible with, it's just timing, luck and circumstance

This. If soulmates existed what would be the chances of so many people meeting theirs at work or down the pub...surely on the law of averages they'd be on the other side of the world

BraveGoldie · 21/04/2023 23:26

I don't believe there is only one. But I believe there is an immensely deep love connection that you can experience with a very few people that really goes far beyond most connections.

I was in love with my ex and it was a good relationship for many years. We had lots of shared interests, similar humour and very compatible in many ways. I thought he was the love of my life.

But two years after we divorced, I met a new man. Since then, it's been five years of intense bliss. Yes, hard things have happened and we have hard talks when we need to. In fact we have racial, cultural, religious differences, we have had trauma with exes and access to children, we have had three deaths of people very close to us, and other challenges.... but somehow nothing gets 'inside' us....the intensity of love, acceptance, passion, in-tuneness is dizzying. My past relationship, which I had thought was as deep as love got, is now black and white in comparison. We literally, every day, after five years, stare into each others eyes deeply, just amazed that we found each other. Sounds ridiculous, - barf-worthy- I know! But I have had the most intensely happy five years of my life.

We are getting married in six weeks.

Cherryblossoms85 · 21/04/2023 23:28

I found my soul mate and dumped his ass for his shitty behaviour. I'm now married to a man I love, just maybe not quite in the same way. Suits me, I don't feel like he has to totally get everything I'm into. We have some shared hobbies but yes the early parenting years were really hard because everything else went out the window.

SunnyLion · 21/04/2023 23:29

I believe there is a person for everybody, its just whether you find them or not.
I spent 17 yrs with the wrong man.
Met my husband 4 years ago and he is my person.
The love, the affection, the laughter I never knew anything like it before.

Point is don't settle.

AdamRyan · 21/04/2023 23:32

I used to think soulmates were over romanticised clap trap and didn't believe in them.
Then I met DP and 100% he is my soulmate. I can't explain how or why, he just is. We have a very deep connection, and are totally in tune with each other.

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 21/04/2023 23:32

I don’t believe in soulmates but I believe that my husband is the funniest, kindest human and he gets me like no one else ever has. He’s also hot. 🤣 We have the same morals and we just get on really well. We’ve been together 20 years.
I also agree that it’s pure luck and circumstances.
OP it does sound like you’ve settled which is sad.

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