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Original poster

Thoughts on husband having a female friend

119 replies

N02733 · 21/04/2023 22:17

I have just found out that my husband has been messaging a person that he met in an online game for the last 2 years. They have never met in person, but have weekly contact. He met her at a time when he had depression and have continued to be friends. He's agreed to stop the contact with her, but I don't know how to process this going forward. Thoughts?

OP posts:
JoanCandy · 21/04/2023 22:18

Why does he have to stop messaging her, op ? Were their messages inappropriate ?

Holycow23x · 21/04/2023 22:21

How did you find this out??

Original poster
N02733 · 21/04/2023 22:22

Because he hadn't told me about her and they have been in contact for such a long time.

OP posts:
ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 21/04/2023 22:23

Why does he have to stop talking to her?

If they were both depressed and it helped him, surely she's an alright person?

Unless they were sending things they shouldn't have, I don't see the problem.

He doesn't actually know her in real life.

Original poster
N02733 · 21/04/2023 22:23

I saw the message on his phone this morning. She messaged at 7.20 to wish him Good Morning

OP posts:
Original poster
N02733 · 21/04/2023 22:25

They both has contact without telling their partners though.

OP posts:
Liorae · 21/04/2023 22:25

N02733 · 21/04/2023 22:23

I saw the message on his phone this morning. She messaged at 7.20 to wish him Good Morning

The horror!😄

Dotcheck · 21/04/2023 22:25

Well, the fact he hid it is a massive worry.

Pissingoncarwheels · 21/04/2023 22:25

She helped with his depression and you want him to cut her off?

DH has a number of health issues and chronic illness. He has lots of online friends, male and female. He occasionally bumps in to the odd one on clinic check up days so has met several of them. I have no problem with him having support of female friends on messenger. There was even an annual event pre covid and sometimes a number of people with the same condition went to a gala evening and all stayed in the same hotel. I’m sure there were times the people he chats with were there. I’m happy he has people who totally understand his condition.

Unless you’ve seen messages that are akin to sexting or an EA I think it’s harsh to expect him to cut her off, very hurtful for her. I think it’s awful he is saying he would do that tbh.

Scottishskifun · 21/04/2023 22:26

My DH has many female friends (probably more the blokes tbh) it depends on if you think its crossed the line. The fact he kept it quiet is a bit of a flag but does he have other female friends?

I'm not bothered by my DHs friends and he's not bothered that I have male friends because they are friends but we are very clear with each other

Chrispackhamspoodle · 21/04/2023 22:26

Actually I'd find the early good morning inappropriate and that he hasnt mentioned her to you.I get it Op.I'd feel uncomfortable too.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 21/04/2023 22:26

Is this a wind up? How fucking dare she say good morning.

I feel a bit sorry for him. You sound a bit controlling from reading your updates.

Do you need to know every friend he has? Bit weird.

Original poster
N02733 · 21/04/2023 22:26

Yes, but he had hid it for 2 years from me and spoke to her weekly whilst driving. They never spoke when their partners were about, only in work time

OP posts:
Original poster
N02733 · 21/04/2023 22:27

The background is that he's had previous affairs and promised never to hurt me again

OP posts:
Allthenaughtydogs · 21/04/2023 22:28

I think this wouldn’t sit well with me. To message first thing indicates that person is the first in their thoughts, which isn’t usual for ‘friends’ particularly as they’ve never met……. And it’s been hidden all this time…..

BlackBarbies · 21/04/2023 22:29

Yawn drip feed. You cleary have other issues going on in your relationship but you haven’t said anything that indicates him doing anything wrong. Other than not telling you about her I guess.

Sounds like it’s an innocent friendship but you have trust issues because of the past. That’s the real problem here

Original poster
N02733 · 21/04/2023 22:29

I've helped him through depression previously, stopped him from ending his life after he had an affair and now I find out he's been messaging someone else

OP posts:
samestyle · 21/04/2023 22:30

It doesn't sound great especially with him being a cheat.

Lesina · 21/04/2023 22:30

Lighten up. You seem incredibly controlling

Ohheyitsme1 · 21/04/2023 22:31

Not sure why you’re getting a hard time here, OP. People can’t seem to grasp that her being female isn’t the issue, it’s that he’s hidden it for 2 years. I’d be annoyed about that too.

Did he say why he kept it a secret?

Whenisitsummer · 21/04/2023 22:31

I’d view the fact they concealed each other from their respective partners with suspicion too. Genuinely platonic friendships aren’t secret.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 21/04/2023 22:31

This reply has been deleted

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drpet49 · 21/04/2023 22:33

N02733 · 21/04/2023 22:27

The background is that he's had previous affairs and promised never to hurt me again

In light of this information, he has had one too many chances OP. Don’t be a fool again.

JupiterFortified · 21/04/2023 22:34

It wouldn’t bother me that’s he’s got an online friend to be honest unless the messages are sexual?

Original poster
N02733 · 21/04/2023 22:56

They used to message and call each other during the day without telling their partners. They met online and exchanged numbers and agreed to keep it secret from their partners

OP posts:
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