Cohabiting couples- do you ever share surnames?

[Greenbanana5]

Hiya,

I wondered how many, if any, women have changed their surname to match that of their unmarried partner?

I am divorced and now with my partner of 4 years. I don’t want to keep my married name and never felt comfortable with my maiden name as my childhood wasn’t particularly great. I love my partner’s name and our baby has his surname so I’m considering changing too, to be more of a family unit, but wondered how common that is?

Why didn't you give your kids your name?

No, why would I? It’s got
nothing to do with me.

I can see why someone would want to change their name without getting married. I wouldn’t get married again because I want to protect my assets for my kids, I own property and I’m a reasonably good earner. I have the name I was given at birth. My parents chose that for me and I am very happy with it. I could take my DP’s name but I don’t really see the point. I feel it’s trying to mislead people into thinking you’re married - not that it matters really, but as others have said, it does feel a bit sad and desperate.

"the posters getting upset here seem to think that there’s some sort of cachet to being married and are pissed off that someone could get the marital privilege of name changing, without actually being married."

There's been some glorious threads over the years when someone has posted about wearing a wedding band when they are not married.

I was once accused of being a liar and misleading when a colleague discovered I wasn't married, apparently I made her look stupid that I never corrected her for 4 years whenever she referred to my "husband" in conversation 🙄 apparently it made her wonder what else I was lying about 😂😂

I nearly died in childbirth. I spent over a year in hospital and the first 4 months in ICU. The fact that I was so close to dying I thought it might be legally better for DH and the kids to have the same surname because had I of died it would of caused all sorts of issues for them with regards to the will etc. I even had a Vicar come and read me my last rites I was so incredibly sick.

Omg!!! That sounds horrific! I totally see your point of view!

The hell I don’t believe in would freeze over before I would change my name to a man’s for any reason whatsoever.

'the marital privilege of name changing'

Ha, is this a thing, do people really believe this? Is it like people think being 'Mrs' gives them some magical status.

News flash - anyone can change their name at any time and give themselves the title 'Mrs'. These days you can also be extra special and announce your pronouns 🤣

Why would she mention it in her OP. It’s not about that. 🤣

One of the few women? It’s not the 50s now.

My partners ex done this and it still winds me up when she puts her surname as his on legal documentation despite them never being married nor engaged 😂

I changed my name after marriage. It wasn't because I had some odd notion of 'taking his name' but because I wanted to disentangle myself from my birth family. I felt a bit like a superhero with an alternate identity 😁

I had two children before marriage. They both had my last name until I married.

I wouldn't change my surname if i remarried. I wouldn't take a man's name now at all.

I am friends with a couple who aren't married but have the same last name. He changed his surname to hers.

But you know it’s her surname now right?

Would it wind you up more or less if he proposed to you? 😉

It is what it is just irritates me like it’s over now do you still really need to use his name 😂 haven’t really thought about that be interesting if we did get married 😂

I did before I married my (now ex) H. His DD was living with us 100% and we had just had our shared DD. I was the only one with a different surname so I changed it by deed poll. I never changed it back after the divorce either. I've had this name longer than the one I was born with so I'm keeping it.

a family member and his partner choose a completely new surname when they decided to have kids so they all share the same new name.

My mum did it and it never caused any problems I don't why people would think it would cause problems, so what if ppl assume your married does it matter? No

I did exactly this. I wanted the same name as my son who was 2 at the time. I knew one day I’d marry my (now) husband but I wanted the same name. My son is now 10 and we married when he was 9

Go for it if that’s what you want. Just make sure you use a reputable company like the UK Deed Poll service. I paid about £40 for mine with postage and extra copies.

Giving your son your name and your husband changing his would have achieved the same thing. I wonder why that didn’t happen. 🤔

Why?

It's still her name and would continue to be so if she chose to use it. You getting married would have zero bearing on it

I don’t know I understand when you’ve been married and it’s easier to keep your name but I just feel it’s keep up appearances maybe I’m wrong 🙈

Also if you read the post I’m replying to they asked how would I feel if I was to marry my partner.

@PurpleStar22 "I did exactly this. I wanted the same name as my son who was 2 at the time."
Why didn't he have your name?

I know two people who’ve done this and in both cases the woman is desperate to be married but the man is refusing. I’m afraid I think it comes across as very desperate, would he not consider changing to your name? I don’t really get the “being a family” thing, in the eyes of the law you’re two legally single adults unless you get married.

I will freely admit I think it’s quite desperate/try hard when women refer to their “husband” when he’s not or wear a wedding/engagement ring. I really don’t understand why anyone would do that if they’re ok with not being married? It’s obviously fine to have a partner not a husband but I really don’t get the need to pretend.

Do you think the opposite?

that someone who doesn’t change their name, doesn’t use Mrs, and doesn’t wear a ring is pretending not to be married?

i couldn’t care less what people choose to call themselves, or their reasons for doing so.

tbh I can’t care less if people are married or not, don’t see why people cling so hard to the signifiers of marriage. Nobody cares.

that someone who doesn’t change their name, doesn’t use Mrs, and doesn’t wear a ring is pretending not to be married?

that’s been me for 19 years.

I can’t comprehend why anyone would change their name to a man’s anyway, but doing it without the legal protection of marriage is absolute madness.