Mum can't afford to live

[Theamofm]

My mum and dad split 3 years ago. Before mum had a great lifestyle and had no money worries. Dad covered it. Mum worked but was only pocket money really. Mum now lives alone and works long hours and a lot of travelling. She's early 60s and it's tiring her out. She's that tired at weekends she's not going out to meet anyone, and not only that she can't really afford it. She earns enough to survive basically. Tried universal credit and she can't get it. What help is out there? We could assist a bit if it was desperate but we dont have an endless pot that could go on forever. How do other people cope? What happens when she has to stop working? It really worries me. Thanks,

Universal Credit would expect her to look for f/t work as she has no dependents or caring responsibilities.

YY - my mum got divorced in the 90s, and I think she was stuck in a kind of first wave thing, in that women older than her who had been reliant on their husbands for financial security were generally OK because they would have stayed married.

She never particularly thought about how being a SAHM gave her financial security - she just assumed that it would be fine because it always was fine for every SAHM she knew. I think actually she just assumed that she would get married again, which she never has (and probably won't now, I assume, though could be wrong of course).

You could call it naivety or even stupidity, but being stupid is not a crime, and she has not set out to intentionally defraud or take advantage of anybody. The only thing she's done wrong is not think towards the future, but nobody ever told her that she would need to do that. It was assumed it would be somebody else's responsibility. She doesn't want to claim benefits, but she can't physically work full time due to old injuries and fatigue, and (bloody social media) has convinced her that doctors are all in conspiracy with government and won't believe her. I cannot persuade her any differently, and previous unsympathetic encounters haven't helped - I think honestly she ought to be getting some kind of PIP or something or at least a medical notice that she can only work certain parameters. However, the main thing is she seems to be stuck in a financial time warp of about 1995 and is amazed when she encounters the real cost of anything today, because she doesn't understand "how anybody is supposed to afford that". She keeps going on about how lovely it will be when she retires and doesn't need to worry about working any more, though I have no idea how she will afford to live then, since she still won't have enough money. I tried to show her the government pension calculator thing and that was no use either.

There is only so much you can do. I try to keep hands off because trying to exert any control, when she clearly does not want me to, is extremely stressful.

Hindsight and all that. No doubt if the op's mum had her time over again she would do things differently but nobody goes back in time and the reality is what it is.

I certainly feel sorry for the woman and there must be plenty in the same position, who think they are all right financially and eventually find out they are not, even worse if their marriage breaks up.

At one time I remember we working wives were advised to opt out of contributions and even told it wasn't worth paying into a pension scheme. I knew some who did that. I'm very glad I didn't.

I also might work hard all my life for peanuts and still end up with hardly any pension or financial security, like half the women in my own family.

A universal basic income would be a great thing but people seem to have an aversion to the state paying for anything. I'm a higher rate tax payer and frankly I'm fine with my taxes going to people like OP's mum. I would happily pay more tax to finance a UBI.

A friend has moved into a "retirement flat" and the service charges are a gobsmacking £4k a year. It's not even particularly swanky, although the grounds and communal areas are well maintained.

I don't necessarily find these comments nasty. People are actually saying the truth, it's harsh but it's the truth. How can you spend all your life working for just pocket money?
Was it just for pocket money though? My FIL used to say this about my MIL’s job, she actually worked as a dental receptionist 4 days a week plus did everything in the house for 5 DC.

The work SAHPs do is not valued.

"What happens when she stops working" depends on whether or not she's over pension age or not.

If she is, and she has no (or reduced) state pension entitlement, she'll be entitled to pension credit up to £201.05, housing benefit will cover her rent in full and she won't have to pay any council tax.

If she has to stop working before pension age, she'll have to claim UC, which will give her £368.74 a month to live on, plus her rent, and she'll be able to apply to the council for a reduction in her council tax. She'll be expected to look for work or undertake "work related activity" unless/until she has been assessed and found to be too unwell to do so, when her money will go up by another £350 or so pm.

I would gently ask if she's in debt, because that's the most likely scenario. Little bits on a card, on a clothing catalogue... it soon mounts up and becomes overwhelming.

Some councils have hardship funds for people who are paying rent but not on benefits. It’s not a lot but worth looking into.

Top up window for NI ends in July, I would check straight away as they are very busy. The demand was so high, the deadline was extended from April to July.

Is she still spending cash like before though? Many older people find budgeting hard ,and there is a "I have worked all my life so I deserve this or that" mentality sometimes .Maybe pension credit when she retires may be possible .Can you go through her finances with her ,see what she can cut back on.There was a recent thread re wealthy pensioners getting free prescriptions (just shows they are not all rolling in it!)

Some good advice here, I would also when you sit down and go through budgeting with her look to see if she is paying off any debts accumulated from her marriage that she hasn’t wanted to tell you about.

your comment that they were very live in the moment, and her lack of disposable income makes me suspect that the money is being swallowed up on loan or credit repayments. Often people can be quite cagey about admitting to these kind of things

Where did the OP say he has died? I have read the posts about 3 times now and can't find that? Maybe you should re the thread?

to those users stating that they were bought up never to rely on anyone else, well - aren't you lucky you had someone telling you that?

Not everyone does. My mum bought me up not to worry about money as she didn't understand it at all and relied completely on my father. She then repeated the same patterns with my step dad.

I grew up vowing to never be like her in that regard but I can completely understand how someone of her generation could end up in this situation once a marriage has broken down.

Retirement homes?

If posters mean flats like Churchill, these are very expensive. Not only do you buy the property or rent it but you have to pay an annual charge than can be £3K or so.

@Theamofm shared ownership usually means X% as rent and Y% as mortgage. So she would in effect be buying the flat/house. But at her age she'd never pay it off so she throwing money away.

Is this what you really mean?

@Theamofm you could also look at Alms houses in your local area. They are run by charities and can provide very affordable housing for older people on a low income.

@Allthings bars may have ended, some not until the 70s, but it didn’t stop women being discriminated against and males or single women being offered jobs rather than a married woman. The right to return to work after pregnancy was far more recent and again, women are still discriminated against. Even if you could return to work, there was a distinct lack of childcare. I am younger than the OPs DM, but there was no local full time childcare available after I had my DC. Whilst there may now be full time childcare, women can still find themselves in a position where they are treated less favourably due to pregnancy, including losing their job (that happened to my DD very recently).

Nobody told me not to rely on anybody else, they just showed me by leaving me to fend for myself since childhood. I had three jobs when I was sixteen alongside taking my GCSEs. I wouldn’t call that lucky.

Lucky is having every bugger else underwrite your lifestyle and then thinking that is so normal you teach your daughter the same thing. I’m glad you didn’t fall for it.

Such mean, bitter people on here. It was completely normal to be a stay at home parent back then and, you may not like to hear it, but it still is. Women are shafted financially in marriage and divorce even if they work. Still true today, most mums I know now work, but are stagnant in their careers as the societal expectation is still that mums are the ones who need to organise childcare and house admin. You are ignorant if you can't see that. How about turning your judgement towards yourselves - why bemoan having a low paid job or needing benefits - you should have tried harder at school and got a better job.

There have been some horrible posts on here. But Op's mum is only a couple of years older than me. Being a stay at home mum was not an automatic thing for people of our age. It was a choice, and even then only for women whose partners earned a very decent wage.

In my circle of mum friends at the time we all paid work of some sort.

Try age uk. Great charity

Oh hark at all the smug, finger-wagging twats on the thread... how does that help the OP at all?

theamofm, I agree with posters suggesting that you do some sort of budget check with your Mum to see where her money is going. It may also be possible for her to change jobs so that she's nearer home. Does she have any friends that she sees?

It must be really worrying for you and I doubt that your Mum's position is unique. I hope you can find any gaps and help plug/work around them.

If she is working 'long hours' and only paying £300pcm for rent, where is the rest of the money going? I think more info is needed on how much she is actually earning and what her outgoings are?

I'm also assuming that she's not entitled to UC because she has savings of more than 16K? Again, more detail is needed.

To me this is mainly a budgeting issue.
Op’s mother only has to fend for herself. She pays £300 for shared ownership and is still in dire straits. This shouldn’t be the case.
Op should definitely get together with her mother to discuss her budget
I would be interested in what Op’s mother has been doing with her money. Has she been spending extravagantly? Does she buy lottery tickets and /or scratch cards? Is she in debt?
People are not always honest when it comes to their finances

With regard to pensions. As another posted stated, many women are shafted even when they have been working for years