Mum can't afford to live

[Theamofm]

My mum and dad split 3 years ago. Before mum had a great lifestyle and had no money worries. Dad covered it. Mum worked but was only pocket money really. Mum now lives alone and works long hours and a lot of travelling. She's early 60s and it's tiring her out. She's that tired at weekends she's not going out to meet anyone, and not only that she can't really afford it. She earns enough to survive basically. Tried universal credit and she can't get it. What help is out there? We could assist a bit if it was desperate but we dont have an endless pot that could go on forever. How do other people cope? What happens when she has to stop working? It really worries me. Thanks,

I suspect for now there's nothing she can do she also needs to urgently check her state pension forecast to check when she can claim her state pension, this will be topped up with pension credit most likely but if she hasn't paid full ni she may need to continue working beyond 66/67 part time at least

Yup, I’m finding SAHM expects their DH/partner to fund their lifestyle then the government. Pathetic really.

Start with a budget OP

Write down everything she spends from tea at work to toilet rolls - absolutely everything. I use a spreadsheet for mine which if she doesn't know how to use she can learn.

See where cuts can be made, check tariffs for gas / electricity / phone.

Look at social tariffs, some you need to be claiming benefits but not all.

https://www.ofcom.org.uk/phones-telecoms-and-internet/advice-for-consumers/costs-and-billing/social-tariffs

Are there any credit cards in use? They need to go or to be kept for emergencies.

I've managed to get 50% of Sky (I rarely go out so this is my entertainment / hobby / luxury) my mobile is £3.48 a month on a sim only deal, unlimited calls and texts 10 gig data.

Look at things she can cut down on. Is there a local community shop or fridge? Does she know how to use Olio? Or too good to go?

over 55 social housing is usually fairly easy to apply for and obtain and will be often a reasonable rent, for example under £100 per week

Sorry but this is totally wrong, I'm in social housing my rent is £115 a week.

Apply to charities / trusts for things she may need eg Severn Trent bought a bed for a friend of mine as part of their charitable arm.

second hand retirement flats are so cheap here ( south east) as the developers offer massive incentives to buy new so no one wants a second hand property. That would be her best bet.

I’m sorry but there will be more and more people in this situation. Even if your dad had a decent pension by the time it was split 50:50 it wouldn’t go far. living on a single income/half a pension is hard.

She's a "live for now" person.

Unfortunately "later" has arrived and it's time to face the consequences of her irresponsibility.

She seems fine though, got a job, able to pay all essentials in life. Being tired working full time isn't abnormal. Let her plod along, or help her out if you like. Certainly no taxpayer money should be going to her.

Bloody hell this escalated quickly! OP just asked a reasonable question why such vitriol directed at this woman?!

What nastiness.
I am of the same generation- just- and it was much more acceptable/ expected to be a SAHM. I was one for 10 years.
Dont judge the past by today's standards.
Plus, my mum worked till retirement - in her mid 80's now ( Nurse) but due to the cost of living crisis my siblings and I are having to step in to help with heating costs.

Why didn’t she receive half the business if he was self employed? If he personally has no assets (odd) then presumably they are in property OR the business (accounts can be seen on line)??

@Onefootinthegroove there wasn’t the childcare available then as there is now either, so in a lot of cases, there was little choice other than to give up work. That of course is assuming that women were not in jobs where there was a bar on working either once you got married, or once you had a child.

I think jobs with a bar on married women are going back quite a long way, not sure if it would apply to a woman of 60. Lots of jobs that did require you to stop working ended that policy in the 40s, I think one of the last was the Foreign office in the early 70s.

Shared ownership is usually rent and a mortgage, so I find it hard to believe that it's only £300 a month.

I thought she paid off the part buy bit with money from her divorce.

I’m 58 and have worked full time most of my working life. When I didn’t work full time I was fully aware of the consequences. It isn’t a generational thing For those in their late 50s and early 60s. My mum told me never to rely on another adult financially. I have little sympathy as I have always supported myself.

Retirement flats (not a retirement 'home' as in care home or assisted living!) are for people over 55 or 60 usually so she is in the demographic. However, you might buy them for a reasonable price but the ongoing costs can add up - ground rent, maintenance fee etc - thousands a year. Park homes i.e. static caravans have a similar drawback and depreciate. If she already owns part of her HA property and pays rent on the other part she's probably in the best place.

A salient lesson to always have a career of your own and work your way up. If she'd trained and started a career earlier, she wouldn't be in such dire straits. Obviously not much help to her now, but hopefully younger women can learn from it.

What nasty comments on here . We are all capable of making decisions that with the benefit of hindsight we might have not made . Cost of living crisis has made budgets tight for many people.

I don’t have any great ideas OP - but your mum is lucky to have a daughter trying to help her !

OP my mum is in exactly the same situation and it is a worry. I almost feel like she is the child and I am the adult a lot of the time because she has so little understanding of how to deal with things like finances and often tends to stick her head in the sand hoping that it will all magically fix itself.

It's all very well saying it's "stupid" or "bad choices" to be a SAHM/rely on a man and then be stuck - but that WAS an extremely normal/common/expected thing to do even into the 80s and 90s.

MN always says something "isn't a generational thing" but just because you were aware and informed enough to know about it, doesn't mean everyone was. Saying something is generational is being aware of the norms and the general understanding of most people at the time, not saying that every single person of a certain age has acted in exactly the same way and made the same decisions.

Be very very wary of retirement properties: the lease / ground rent / services costs may end up being more than her current £300pcm, and have no protection against increases.

I agree: get her to check her tiredness. Anaemia / Thyroid etc. Also could chronic depression be a factor? I am mid-late 60s and was working full tilt in a demanding job til v recently, and was fine. It isn’t a given that we feel exhausted by 60!

But I am guessing budgetting is key. She shouldn’t have needed the heating in a lot if she was working f/t, and at last we are entering a cheaper time of year.

Ticking time bomb: they did have money worries (no pension) but didn’t choose to worry about them. It’s good she has your support.

It's all very well saying it's "stupid" or "bad choices" to be a SAHM/rely on a man and then be stuck - but that WAS an extremely normal/common/expected thing to do even into the 80s and 90s.

I agree with this. Even at 43, I remember public debates and messages in my childhood about how working mums were being selfish/outsourcing childcare etc.

Lots of mums worked when I was a child but not most and certainly not without some people judging them for it. The divorce rates then kind of peaked in the mid 90s so I suspect that may be a dividing line between women who married before then assuming that was for life and those who married around then and afterwards, hoping it was but being aware it could well end in divorce.

OPs mum still seems to have been ok with the 'live for now' approach within her marriage but that doesn't help the OP now - regardless of whether you think your mum deserves it or not, it is very sad and hard to watch her struggle.

What a horrible situation for your poor mum to be in. The problem is that life goes by so quick, when you are younger you never feel you are going to get older but it creeps on us so quickly. I know so many people in their 30’s/40’s living for now and spending all of their earnings, like our nephew, he’s earning lots of money but spending like crazy and at 34 still has no pension. We are always seen as the frugal ones amongst family and friends but this situation is one of my biggest fears, I’m 50 and have chronic health issues and the thought of having to slog away into my 60’s just to survive is scary when you don’t feel great. No amount of exotic holidays and new cars now is worth that.
I hope your mum can somehow get to a better place in her life, it must be such a concern for you.

Apart from a couple of years off with my DS I've always worked full time and I had him in the 1990s. I am often exhausted but I still need to work full time, I fully expect to be working until my middle 70s.

I think people are upset because your DM lived for now and now later has come and maybe she expects government support.

She will need to look at her budget and manage like everyone else.

It isn’t a generational thing in this case, the OP’s mum did work. It’s a planning / outlook thing. Neither the OP’s Mum nor her main breadwinner Dad had pensions or, seemingly, savings.

It is perfectly possible to have a SAHM set up and plan a pension including pay into one for a SAHM. Choices are fine, but planning needs to be appropriate for the set up.

The issue now is how the OP bests helps her Mum manage with what she has.

Some of you have so little compassion and it makes me sad for you.

I don't necessarily find these comments nasty. People are actually saying the truth, it's harsh but it's the truth. How can you spend all your life working for just pocket money? Let this be a lesson to all women who thinks relying on their husband financially will end well for them. It might, but you just may end up like OP's mum.

Thinking that it's okay to be foolish if other people are also foolish...is foolish.

Besides, it's not about being a SAHM necessarily. It's about planning for the future responsibly and setting aside enough during the surplus times (which OP stated existed). If she did that, she'd have plenty now even after the divorce.