Mum can't afford to live

[Theamofm]

My mum and dad split 3 years ago. Before mum had a great lifestyle and had no money worries. Dad covered it. Mum worked but was only pocket money really. Mum now lives alone and works long hours and a lot of travelling. She's early 60s and it's tiring her out. She's that tired at weekends she's not going out to meet anyone, and not only that she can't really afford it. She earns enough to survive basically. Tried universal credit and she can't get it. What help is out there? We could assist a bit if it was desperate but we dont have an endless pot that could go on forever. How do other people cope? What happens when she has to stop working? It really worries me. Thanks,

If she was previously quite live-for-the-moment then the other really useful thing which you could do would be to sit down with her with her bank statements.

Lots of companies sign you up for subscriptions when you join a gym / get a mobile / order a magazine/ check your credit score etc and it’s really easy to carry on paying these without realising. If she’s not great with money she might need someone to help check that there’s nothing like that.

Secondly if she’s struggling a bit with money at the moment it is likely to get worse when she retires. If there’s any way that you can persuade her to save a bit each month so that she’s got a bit of a cushion when she retires that would be really helpful.

I think it would also be worth having another chat with her about pension. Companies now have to enrol you in a private pension so she should have one with her current work, and might have done with her previous jobs. You can check this by looking at a payslip which will show a pension deduction. Make sure she’s paying in the maximum amount which her employer will match.

I agree with pp about checking her ni record to make sure that she’ll get full state pension too.

I may also look at retirement homes with her.

a retirement home is often very expensive £1000 per week

over 55 social housing is usually fairly easy to apply for and obtain and will be often a reasonable rent, for example under £100 per week

Somethings wrong when millions of well off pensioners receive benefits they don't need, which could be redirected to the likes of your parents.
I think that's why people snipe, because the failure to means test or have some cut off as it were, like they do for child benefit, is very unfair, and leaves some are struggling whilst others are very well off indeed.

All the best going forward Op. This must be an awful worry for you and I hope there are better times ahead for your mum, both of you.

If she's working long hours only has £300 rent, even on minimum wage that leaves a fair amount left over especially for a single person.

You say she had no money worries with your dad yet left with no divorce settlement. You sure your mum's being completely honest about her situation?

Budget is the only answer.

What happened to the property they shared together ?

This is obviously a difficult situation but the lifestyle you’re so upset by ‘working long hours, too tired to enjoy weekends, not enough funds to do anything’ I mean that’s pretty damn standard across the board in the U.K. regardless of age.

I think you need to understand that your DM’s situation right now is a direct result of your parents life choices until this point. They ‘lived for now’ and ‘had a good life’ well lovely for them but now she’s coping it and that’s unfortunately how the system works.
Being tired, burnt out and not having enough money to fund your social life is completely normal and not something that needs to be ‘fixed’ or ‘resolved’ as though it’s a massive tragedy.

The irony of a “read the thread” from a poster who appears to have made up details 🤨

Are you sure she doesn’t have much money? If she used to be a “live in the now” kind of person it might be that she feels the pinch of having less in comparison to before?

Hi @Theamofm

A local job will stop the fuel costs of commuting.

You don't say what mum's limited skill set is but if she was a SAHM for much of her working life, used to running a household, there are some decent caring/ PA roles in elderly/ disabled client's homes, often offering sleep in positions but with an hourly rate. This may help with the tiredness.

I know of someone of a similar age and circumstances to your mum who works 2 x 5pm to 9am shifts and earns £500 per week. Client is in bed by 9pm so she has evening to herself and can sleep to 8am with perhaps only one wake up through the night.

Employers for these roles often value older generation employees as they come with a good organisational domestic/practical/companionship skill set the younger generation don't have.

Please look at mum's budget and expenses and any tax deductions she can claim. If she needs to buy particular clothing/ footwear for her current position she can get a reduction.
https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/reclaim/uniform-tax-refund/#eligible

Imo she caused this on herself. She worked for pocket money and mainly was a SAHM. Now, expects government to fund her life in her old age.

This is one of the main reasons why people on here keep telling woman NOT to be a SAHM, work full time at the very least part time (3-4 days) so you can grow salary and have a pension in future.

Men prioritise their pension, careers and have good life when they reach pension age.

I come from a working class immigrant family, I’ve seen countless women shafted due to poor education and English knowledge.

This is also one of the main reasons why I’ll never be a SAHM, I’d rather die. Plus, these days people can wfh especially in office roles - no excuse now. I wfh 4 days a week, sometime whole week. It’s very flexible.

Just wanted to add it's really worth checking her NI contributions and what her state pension will be (just Google 'check state pension'), especially if she has provided childcare at any point as you can apply to fill in gaps in years she has provided childcare. We managed to fill in about six years my mum was missing that would have cost a fortune for her to top up, as she took early retirement due to a period of ill health but then did childcare for us in the early years and still does before/after school. You can do an online form for it.

She's only 60 maybe she needs a health check up and definitely needs to budget because on paper she should have enough witha 300 pounds per month for rent and full time employment and only havingherself to support.

This thread is a sobering reminder that planning for retirement is important, yet so often people just don't plan for it.

OP hopefully your mum can work until retirement age because she needs to start putting money aside.

I feel so sorry for your mother, op. This thread is particularly interesting to me because there is, or was, a thread complaining about the over sixties having free prescriptions. You have illustrated how not all over sixties are rolling in dosh. If your mum had to pay for prescriptions that really would be the icing on the cake.

Doing a budget, as Houseplantmad has suggested in above quote, is a good idea. Banks will also do that with customers and it is often very helpful. Please do urge your mother to consider that.

I wish her all the good fortune in the world.

They were live for now people I'm afraid

That's very unfortunate, especially as your dad seems to have made sure he "didn't have assets on paper", but it may be she's not yet got out of the habit of living for now and that what she has isn't being spent sensibly

So I agree with you that a proper budget has to come first, and the rest can follow

Saying she ‘lived for now’ could mean many things.

It must be a hard adjustment for her now, work is no longer a hobby, she needs money and needs to really look after it.

I agree. It frustrates me that my parents who worked so hard get basically nothing, yet people who didn't are entitled to so much because they were stupid. If you have assets the government will take that to pay for your old age (fine), but if you don't you get it for free. Go figure

I don't understand how ppl.dont see that working ft but on nmw is not going to be a lot. She has to pay the rent, all bills herself, travel to and from work and then food etc. Wages do not go far nowadays.

Oh boo hoo. I can’t believe your mum is entitled enough to apply for universal credit when she hasn’t contributed towards a pension her whole working life. She ‘lived for now’ and then expected us taxpayers to prop her up in her older age? Her audacity must know no bounds.

I thought that too. Her 'rent' is £70. She must be on about £20k. That's not broke. Imagine asking for UC and finding out a single person is allocated about £85/week for everything after rent.

I wish people would stop making this thread to make strawman arguments about "Threads like this are why people should stop demanding that all benefits to all over 60s are stopped!!!" Nobody is asking for that, seriously. Some people HAVE said that stuff for older people should MEANS TESTED (like pretty much every benefit working age people is already). The OP's mum would be eligible for support even in the event of means-testing because she is not well off. Are people a bit thick and can't see understand this?

OP, hope you and your mum can work something out. I agree that sitting down with her and looking at her outgoings would be a very good idea. If she's had years of no money worries she probably has all sorts of areas that could be tightened up on. Does she have physical health issues? Is she maybe a bit depressed after the divorce? Is she a tad lazy/experiencing shock due to having to work full time for the first time in decades?

If she is on NMW, then one week's pay covers her housing costs. So where does the rest go?

1000%! I’m only in my 20’s and I’m putting money in my pension, paying NI and have company pension too. I work full time.

1000% agree with you both! And when people say don’t be a SAHM, they get defensive and say it’s their god given right and money is joint. It’s sexist and unfeminist.