Men not being attracted to obese women

[itchyhands3]

I've just watched a video by an' expert' emphatically saying that men do not as a rule find obese women attractive unless they have a specific fetish for obese women.

I don't know what to think for I would be considered obese on scales but certainly don't feel I look obese and consider myself relatively attractive and some men have expressed attraction towards me
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I'm 5'7' and over thirteen and a half stone . Size 14-16 .I am 49.
This has really unsettled me for some reason. How insulting . But is it true ?

My stats are now 25 inch waist 32 E boobe and flat tummy size 8-10 i used to be a size 18-20. I work in a multi cultural workplace men predominately from Africa were more attracted to me at that weight. They tell me to eat more now , i dont live in a very multicultural area i dropped something in the shop the other day a man scurried picked it up and said sorry that never happened when I was obese. Another man I vaguely know shouted my name in a car park and asked for my number. Its striking the difference between treatment.

Other women like you to be the fat friend. Some of my closest relationships have cooled a little because I'm now slimmer than them.

I’m obese according to bmi (and very short) but have an hourglass figure. I can honestly say that I have never had an issue. 😅

I’ve often spoken to men about it and they’ve made comments like they don’t usually date women as big as me 🤦‍♀️

I think body shape rather than bmi might be a factor in attraction? A guy once said to me as long as your boobs are bigger than your belly you’re ok! 😬

14-16 is not obese. I was obese in the past but lost weight and when got to size 16 I certainly got more interest from men and people generally started treating me differently.

Medically obese is often a far cry from the image the word conjures up. Several of my friends are in the obese category for their BMI, but are very attractive and get plenty of male interest.
I think when the question is asked people visualise a stereotype of someone so big their lives are restricted by their weight, and that this will go alongside not caring about any aspect of their appearance or health and having certain personality traits of greed and laziness. Which few people would find attractive if true.
The reality is that most women are at least OW and many are obese, and look and act nothing like that, and many men would be delighted to be with them.

I think on the whole it's true.
Although I'd guess they're talking much bigger sizes than a 14-16
There will always be "outliers" of that though, that do find larger women more attractive, and also those that find very petite women attractive.
I don't find obese men attractive 🤷‍♀️

My husband loves the gym and is in good shape and prefers me with a bit more fat - but I don’t think he would if I was a lot more fat because it’d impact on my health and my confidence/happiness, personally. I’m also very short so it’s easier for me to be classed as obese and too much extra weight not looking good.

There are so many really beautiful larger women. The model Ashley Graham comes to mind. It’s so refreshing to see different looking models and forms of beauty nowadays but it still isn’t happening enough sadly. I’m heterosexual and happily married but I think I’d find them attractive if I was a man or attracted to women! I think it helps how people carry their weight. Eg Large breasts and shapely thighs look ‘curvaceous’ whereas a large tummy might be seen as less sexy - but maybe not?! I’m sure there are some guys who love a large tummy too. I wonder if it has anything to do with a large tummy being seen as worse for our health (heart health etc) so it subconsciously doesn’t appeal so much? I have friends (who are very slim btw) who like a “dad bod” with a “beer belly” - their words, not mine. I disagree with them personally but do still believe nothing can beat a great sense of humour and someone with a knockout personality, as cliched as it is.

Most PEOPLE are not attracted to obese PEOPLE, not overweight people...OBESE people. Fact.
Survey a million people and the VAST MAJORITY of people do not find obese people attractive.

This is very different to your husband or wife still finding you attractive when you BECOME obese although in my case I would not still fancy my husband if he became obese. I would still love him of course but I certainly would not want to jump his bones (pardon the pun).

I'm technically fat at 14 stone & 5'4" but luckily have an hourglass shape with slim legs & arms & im careful how I dress, & make an effort with my hair & make up.

As a single 46 yr old it does seem I still look attractive to men because they do flirt with me, although I'm quite choosy & a bit wary so don't have a boyfriend at present.

I am trying & slowly starting to lose weight because I'm not happy at this weight (caused by medication) and I'm pre diabetic.
I'm counting calories and increasing exercise which has been successful before.

There was a really interesting article about these sculptures and it's believed that they're made by the women themselves, by feeling their own bodies and sculpting what they felt.

On another note. Reverse I suppose.

I personally am very attracted to big men. 6 foot 2 plus with 40+ waist is my sexual preference and it has been at all my weights, size 12-16.

LOL!!!!! Priceless. Is your first name Philomena?

I'm going to echo this comment (was about to post exactly the same thing). Rightly or wrongly... everyone is attracted (or not) to certain types.

OP you seem unlikely to be obese with those figures. I was 12 stone, 5'4 and still only in the 'very overweight' category at my heaviest, not yet obese. You are 3 inches taller. I bet you are borderline.

As PP said, all sorts of men find all sorts of women attractive. (Have you ever seen footage of Jack Whitehouse drooling over Lizzo?) Your self-esteem and desirability don't need to be tied up in your size. But in my own experience, I found I was a lot more confident when I started working out. Not losing weight, not dieting, just getting stronger with better posture and more athletic movement and energy.

First names are a patriarchal construct.

I am attracted to obese men. It’s my preference. Over 6 foot and around the 20 stone mark is what I prefer and have done since my early late teens/early 20s.

I don’t think you’re obese, op. Speaking generally it’s true that neither men nor women prefer very obese partners vs slim ones. Lots of reasons why, some of which pp have touched on. I wouldn’t take that personally if I were you.

But you’re right, people do treat overweight and obese people differently, there is contempt toward them. Very unkind.

I am over weight now and have been since I had my son. I was a size 8 up until I was 30. But even though I was slim I wasn't pretty. None of my relationships started because the guy found me attractive, they started after they got to know me. After coming out of a 9 year relationship when I was finally ready to start dating again I decide to give internet dating a try (back before it was popular). The guy I started dating wrote on his profile that he wasn't interested in looks, he wanted someone who could make him laugh. 13 years later we are happily married and have a child. Are relationship is so much better than other people's that we know who initially started dating due to being just physically attracted to each other.

@xrays “Yeah I think a lot of men would ideally fancy someone aged 25, 5ft 10 and a size 8 with plump round boobs but ..”

My 19 yr old daughter is gorgeous and often asked to model, representing a makeup brand on her campus here in the USA (although she studies STEM subjects). However, she always makes very clear first thing to any man who is interested and hasn’t met her in person, that she is 5’9” as so many have a problem with her height and she will wear heels if she wants to.

Fantasy and reality can be two different things.

Absolutely. Your other half sounds a good egg.

I know this is going to sound nasty, but in my twenties, I briefly dated a total gym bore - albeit a very beautiful man - who I was surprisingly not attracted to as his ego and general terrible chat about his lifestyle and discipline made me cringe and my eyelids actually felt heavy when he was talking about it.

What this is basically saying is that men don't find obese women attractive, unless they find obese women attractive! Which is basically stating the bleeding obvious, except that the podcaster decided to use the sneering term 'fetish'.

I wouldn't take him seriously- or be attracted to someone like that, whether obese or skinny!

In any case, you don't come into the category that would usually be called 'obese'.

Feel quite depressed reading this thread. I really admire all these women who admit to being obese yet have no trouble in attracting men and are clearly full of self confidence. I wish I had half of their self esteem. But I'm definitely obese - 5 foot 5 and 16.5 stone, never been so fat and hate myself. Size 18 bottom half, 20/22 top half with massive tits. Used to be so attractive, busty blonde with amazing legs, and now I'm hugely fat, divorced, knocking on 60 and feel that I'll never meet anyone again. Don't have the confidence to do online dating because of my weight, and then to add to insult to injury a previous poster -Rabbit someone - commented that the OP's age - 49 - was more of an issue than her weight. To quote: "I think your age is a bigger obstacle than being a size 16 at 5ft 7."

Being 10 years older than that, plus a whole load fatter is utterly depressing. Off to eat cake. 😤

I know this is going to sound nasty, but in my twenties, I briefly dated a total gym bore - albeit a very beautiful man - who I was surprisingly not attracted to as his ego and general terrible chat about his lifestyle and discipline made me cringe and my eyelids actually felt heavy when he was talking about it

Whilst I agree he sounds terrible, there are boring people in every body shape and type. Its not the case that everyone who enjoys keeping fit is boring any more than its true to say that people who dont look after themselves are charismatic and charming and witty

@ArianahX I'm around same weight and height and I too have slim legs , not that much of a tum. and people are suprised when I say how much I weigh. I kind of have it 'all over' rather than just a massive arse and big belly if you know what I mean. I posted lower down that I think it's more about the total package! Not just what the scales say. I've always had men interested and I'm married and 61

I too am pre diabetic - and am currently trying to lose 3 or 4 stone (I've lost a stone and a half so far)

Oh just no