Men not being attracted to obese women

[itchyhands3]

I've just watched a video by an' expert' emphatically saying that men do not as a rule find obese women attractive unless they have a specific fetish for obese women.

I don't know what to think for I would be considered obese on scales but certainly don't feel I look obese and consider myself relatively attractive and some men have expressed attraction towards me
.
I'm 5'7' and over thirteen and a half stone . Size 14-16 .I am 49.
This has really unsettled me for some reason. How insulting . But is it true ?

There are lot of different things here that need to be separated

difference between a little bit overweight, overweight and obese

what men find attractive generally and men who are niche attracted to very overweight women

what qualities men want in a long term relationship and what qualities they want in a woman they just want to have sex with

Being a bit overweight is not a life blight and even really obese people find life partners

but it is true - both for men and women - a healthy weight, fit body is more attractive and looks better both in and out of clothes. None of us can really pretend otherwise. Overweight people can look good but never as truly beautiful as an ideal weight fit body.

so if you want to maximise your chances of finding a life partner or a mid to long term relationship the closer you are to not being overweight the more choice you have.

Finally, the fact that any given individual has male interest is neither here nor there because of variables in play and it's often the case that men or women for that matter just looking for sex will accept features in a partner they wouldn't accept in a relationship.

I agree with this. Obesity is unattractive.
Im not skinny, I’m a size 14 but I would never be attracted to an obese man.

I don't think I have ever been attracted to a man who weighed less than 17 stone, I suppose they could have been classed as overweight but phoar!
I'm guessing it works the same way with male to female attraction. Thankfully I've had no issue with men not liking curves and soft flesh. Only on MN is a size 16 obese.

This nearly made me snort my coffee, but it's true.

Obesity is a medical term though. Years ago my doctor wouldn't prescribe me the Pill as I was technically obese according to my BMI and I was a size 14 then.

TBH and fair, I am not attracted to fat or obese men...I am ok with a little bit of a pot...DH is 60 and pretty slim apart from a bit of thickening round the middle. If he got fat I wouldn't find him sexually attractive and he knows that. It encourages him to keep fit and take care of himself. I do the same for him.

I think it's all down to shape, not weight

I actually find very thin men hugely unattractive. Mackenzie Crook makes me shudder, I think he’s repulsive. But Phil Jupitus - yes, please. And I adored Robbie Coltrane. My BiL was a very big man, hugely entertaining, very articulate with a brain the size of a planet. Women loved him.

Have been overweight dating. Guys like something to hold on to. So I have been told.

What does this really mean though?

In what way would a guy be 'holding onto' you?

Do you mean he grabs your flesh during sex and holds onto it?

I'm obese and agree with the op, generally men do not find me attractive and I've been ignored or ridiculed many times throughout my life because of my weight nearly always by men. It is what it is and I've accepted it now after 13 years of being single, however it is lonely at times, I'm fat, not stupid, lazy or smelly, which is the preconception I have found many people have of obese people. It's a shame society thinks fat people are not worth bothering with as on the whole we are getting fatter as a nation and at a much younger age than we used to.

Well as my mum once said… “men are not fussy, a hole is a hole” lol

Nice.

It's just one of those phrases people spout like 'guys like women with meet on their bones/curves'. I find them annoying and cringe. Like clockwork, every time there's a discussion about body types.

I don't find obesity attractive!

Maybe because being fat reeks of self-negligence and lack of willpower. Also a kind of ignorance about healthy eating and nutrition.
(waiting to be flamed for this 😳)

This is spot on. The term "obese" is medical. It's difficult to find precise stats from a quick search, but a lot of people are obese: around 1/3 of American adults, for example, and the rates of obesity are rising (e.g., https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/obesity-prevention-source/obesity-trends-original/obesity-rates-worldwide/)

I criticise the "expert" mentioned the OP for completely lacking the nuance needed for a proper discussion.

When people say "obese" in this thread, I wonder if they're really thinking of "morbidly obese" or "super morbidly obese" in medical terms. Not just the average "obese" person based on BMI of 30. A lot of "obese" people you see everyday just look normal or large, you probably wouldn't think they're obese.

Similar with the term "fetish" it means something specific (obsession with a feature), it isn't just an attraction or preference. (E.g., https://www.mindthemedic.com/the-difference-between-a-preference-and-a-fetish/)

The expert is an idiot, don't take what he said on board - it just reflects his own bias, preferences and insecurities (i.e., by having to proclaim his expertise and preference to the world). Sounds very Andrew Tate.

Wow! Speaking of ignorance...

I reckon they're right. On the other hand, I'm not attracted to obese men at all. People have preferences. It's fine.

You're dying to be flamed for that.

I'm not attracted to obese men. Mostly because of the connotations of lack of activity/ poor eating/ poor self care etc.

If I was single I'd want someone whose appearance suggested an active lifestyle, a healthy balanced diet and a level of self esteem that meant that they didn't let themselves become unhealthy.

How would you feel about a man who ate badly and wasn't active, but didn't gain weight?

I think it’s largely true although there will be exceptions. I think for example if 100 men were asked if they fancied someone like Elle Macpherson (showing my age) then 100 would say yes. If asked if they fancy a similar looking but 8 stone heavier woman then that number would fall dramatically.

The only thing from that list that is true for me
is lack of willpower. But there are plenty of slim people out there who have zero willpower when it comes to things like alcohol, smoking, gambling, spending, fitness to the point of obsession etc. You’d never know these things until you got to know the person. In my case I just visually show the fact I like a bit too much chocolate. It doesn’t mean I don’t understand healthy eating - I do- or that I neglect myself, I don’t.

I would say though that’s probably true of George Clooney too!

OP, if you seek out obese men, you will find some return the interest. There are many obese men who have had difficulty finding a partner and they would be excited to find a woman who is attracted to their obese body.