Page 8 | Men not being attracted to obese women

itchyhands3 · 2023-04-20T11:50:16+00:00

I've just watched a video by an' expert' emphatically saying that men do not as a rule find obese women attractive unless they have a specific fetish for obese women. I don't know what to think for I would be considered obese on scales but certainly don't feel I look obese and consider myself relatively attractive and some men have expressed attraction towards me . I'm 5'7' and over thirteen and a half stone . Size 14-16 .I am 49. This has really unsettled me for some reason. How insulting . But is it true ?

riotlady · 20/04/2023 14:45

I found that when I was slim I had a broader base of appeal, if that makes sense, and got chatted up more (although often by creeps so not always a benefit!). Being obese is a bit more marmite, some don’t like it at all but there’s plenty who are still really attracted to it. I’ve never had a problem finding friends with benefits or relationships- I met my husband when I was obese and have always felt adored by him.

Xrays · 20/04/2023 14:47

I’m not sure whether I should share this but here we go… I’ve been with dh coming up to 20 odd years now. When we first met I was a size 10-12 and now I’m a size 18-20, combination of medication for chronic disabilities and eating too much. Dh has always said he loves me whatever size I am but I’d always hoped (and made efforts to) try and lose some weight. But this week purely by accident (because I don’t have as many people I follow as him and Instagram keeps suggesting things he’s liked to me!) I discovered he’s been “liking” instagram accounts and particular photos of very overweight women (models, with millions and thousands of followers, not local people or people we know) with absolutely ginormous boobs, like so extreme they’d be entitled to an nhs reduction type huge. Initially I was 😳 and a bit hurt for various reasons, but actually we’ve talked about it and laughed about it. (They’re models, not anyone he’s ever likely to meet). I know other women wouldn’t be at all okay with it, that’s not the point of my post, the point is I was mostly shocked that that’s what he finds attractive! Not the size 8, 20 somethings you’d imagine or I did. Instead of being annoyed I’m torn between laughing because I never imagined that’s the sort of thing he’d want to look at. 😳

I think beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that I guess…..!

muppy · 20/04/2023 14:49

minipie · 20/04/2023 14:43

*Ideals of beauty have always veered towards extremes.

In the historical examples I quoted above (Ruben era, Tang era, current 3rd world countries), the more morbidly obese the better – most definitely not just a bit of extra!

For a period in the 90s up till the 10s, the more stick thin the better, to a point that would definitely have impeded survival as a cavewoman.*

I think that’s true in terms of the shapes you would find in paintings, or fashion magazines. Artists like extremes. Not sure it’s so true in terms of who the average Joe would find attractive - especially if they saw that shape in real life as opposed to artfully posed and draped.

That's the thing, I referenced how in real life people in many countries still take steroids or do force-feeding to get to that obese (not just fat but like, unbelievably obese) beauty ideal to attract men. In the 90s and 20s, lots of men I knew dated or lusted after stick/model like women too.

It's true that media often contains extremes, but at the same time when those extremes are present in real life, a great many people go for it too.

Fluckinghell · 20/04/2023 14:52

MsCunk · 20/04/2023 13:07

Men shag piles of leaves, exhausted pipes, and jars of peanut butter. Worrying about your own shaggability is a waste of time. Live your life free from the shackles of male approval.

😂😂

Sammyandtheboocas · 20/04/2023 14:52

Women on here despise obese men.

They brand them as lazy , and that they have no self respect. All in all a major turn off.

I don't think women on here can get all pearl clutchy about a man saying he doesn't find obese women attractive.

Tarantullah · 20/04/2023 14:52

3WildOnes · 20/04/2023 13:01

Im not attracted to men who are very overweight. I don't know any women who are.

Me neither being brutally honest.

Boughtitdownthemarket · 20/04/2023 14:53

Well of course men find slimmer women more attractive! Same with younger women. I got lots of attention as a size 8 twentysomething. Now I'm a 42 year old size 12... not so much. I don't think it's that surprising. I still like to make an effort with my appearance just for me. I don't find fat men that attractive.

JudgeRudy · 20/04/2023 14:53

muppy · 20/04/2023 14:14

No, definitely not biological. I'm stick thin myself (not in a nice looking way) but I've never understood people who insist each era/culture's subjective preference is "biological" fact.

Rubens era paintings of women with drooping bellies, the obese concubines (their names immortalised in Chinese history as famous beauties) pictured on Tang Dynasty era graves, the force-feeding & steroids for women to get obese (not just fat but obese) and beautiful in current third world countries like North Korea/Bangladesh/Mauritania...

How do you explain whole periods in history (probably far longer than the skinny trend, which started post-Twiggy generation) across different cultures when being fat was considered beautiful? And indeed the more obese with rippling cellulite, the more beautiful!

It's social conditioning which most people will have ingrained in them, but is by no means a biological or blanket rule.

Modern aesthetic preferences are in no way a reflection of "health" anyway! Aesthetic preferences of every era tend to be tied to wealth and socioeconomic status. It used to be you were wealthy if you could gorge yourself on meat, unlike the peasants. These days it's if you can afford a life of organic food and gymming.

@muppy

I have the body of a goddess. Didn't say which one though.

Winemygoodenemy · 20/04/2023 14:55

I am overweight. My DP is overweight. Lots of the weight went on after we got together. But still considered overweight when we both dated. I still fancy him.

Have been overweight dating. Guys like something to hold on to. So I have been told.

Depends on what you find attractive. I certainly love a dad body. I don’t find skinny men attractive

GarlicGrace · 20/04/2023 14:55

DHsPoorBack · 20/04/2023 14:45

And "he" was incredibly wealthy?

Show quote history

Nope.

ferneytorro · 20/04/2023 14:55

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 20/04/2023 13:58

When men open the door for me, I really don’t assume it’s because they think I’m attractive. I just happen to be in proximity when they’re opening the door.

Was just going to say the same. I have never ever had someone be helpful I mean a man and thought it’s because he fancied me or because of my weight. Which may say something about how negatively I view myself I suppose. I’ve assumed it’s because they are decent people not because of me. That’s quite depressing. I’m a size eight for context. I’m going to look out for it now ie how men treat bigger women.

Fibonacci13 · 20/04/2023 14:56

I like larger men, always have done. Couldn't honestly tell you why but I just find thinner men unattractive.

Whatt · 20/04/2023 14:57

Go to Morocco 🇲🇦

sealon82 · 20/04/2023 14:57

To quote the brilliant Kathy Burke.. Most men would shag a ham sandwich. If you're happy with how you look than don't worry about what men find attractive.

QuintanaRoo · 20/04/2023 15:01

MsCunk · 20/04/2023 13:07

Men shag piles of leaves, exhausted pipes, and jars of peanut butter. Worrying about your own shaggability is a waste of time. Live your life free from the shackles of male approval.

Truest thing I’ve read on the internet for a long time!

Dweetfidilove · 20/04/2023 15:02

MsCunk · 20/04/2023 13:07

Men shag piles of leaves, exhausted pipes, and jars of peanut butter. Worrying about your own shaggability is a waste of time. Live your life free from the shackles of male approval.

Best thing I've read today 🤣🤣🤣

ehb102 · 20/04/2023 15:02

Rubbish. Men who see women as people are attracted to them whether fat or thin.
Men who see women as not quite real people or worse, things, will come out and say this kind of thing.

Do not accept the male gaze as the default. Do not live life according to your supposed fuckability according to men. The most feminist thing you can do is unapologetically live your life without male approval.

And then then men like that ;-)

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 20/04/2023 15:04

sealon82 · 20/04/2023 14:57

To quote the brilliant Kathy Burke.. Most men would shag a ham sandwich. If you're happy with how you look than don't worry about what men find attractive.

I love Kathy Burke, thanks for the quote!

DHsPoorBack · 20/04/2023 15:05

Xrays · 20/04/2023 14:47

I’m not sure whether I should share this but here we go… I’ve been with dh coming up to 20 odd years now. When we first met I was a size 10-12 and now I’m a size 18-20, combination of medication for chronic disabilities and eating too much. Dh has always said he loves me whatever size I am but I’d always hoped (and made efforts to) try and lose some weight. But this week purely by accident (because I don’t have as many people I follow as him and Instagram keeps suggesting things he’s liked to me!) I discovered he’s been “liking” instagram accounts and particular photos of very overweight women (models, with millions and thousands of followers, not local people or people we know) with absolutely ginormous boobs, like so extreme they’d be entitled to an nhs reduction type huge. Initially I was 😳 and a bit hurt for various reasons, but actually we’ve talked about it and laughed about it. (They’re models, not anyone he’s ever likely to meet). I know other women wouldn’t be at all okay with it, that’s not the point of my post, the point is I was mostly shocked that that’s what he finds attractive! Not the size 8, 20 somethings you’d imagine or I did. Instead of being annoyed I’m torn between laughing because I never imagined that’s the sort of thing he’d want to look at. 😳

I think beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that I guess…..!

To debrief, you found a relationship as a slim size 10.

Have gradually become much larger, but by now you have married, joint assets/life together, children (?)

And your husband has been looking at women with massive tits on Instagram. But he must like obese women, because they aren't size 8, or 20yrs old.

I hate to say it, but lots of people like and follow "extremes" because they are entertained by shock factor of it. The woman who had octuplets, has tonnes of "likes and followers" but it's not because people want that situation in their own life, it's so extreme, they can't stop looking. It's not that people are mocking her, or being unkind. But they aren't watching her because they want mother's tips. It's the curiosity of "how the hell does she get 8 in a buggy, I want to see that..."

lljkk · 20/04/2023 15:06

Self-evidently untrue, look at society, look at existence of many quite large women partnered with men (or women) of all sorts of other body sizes, most of whom have previously had partners of other sorts of sizes.

Climbles · 20/04/2023 15:09

Many men will be attracted to a women despite being over weight but not necessarily because of it. Just like I’m not specifically attracted to balding men but it doesn’t bother me that DH has lost his hair.

Dentistlakes · 20/04/2023 15:10

From personal experience I’ve found it to be true. I was was just sneaking into the obese category (BMI just over 30) after having the children and felt completely invisible in terms of male attention, which I was used to getting before. In a way it was actually quite nice. Then I lost 5.5 stone and spent a lot of time in the gym. The difference (despite not being on my 20’s any more) has been huge. Not just attention but general attitude towards me e.g doors held open. It’s very sad but unfortunately what I experienced.

Thar said, I have also found other women to act differently around me, but I don’t know if that’s because I appear more confident and outgoing in myself perhaps.

Xrays · 20/04/2023 15:11

DHsPoorBack · 20/04/2023 15:05

To debrief, you found a relationship as a slim size 10.

Have gradually become much larger, but by now you have married, joint assets/life together, children (?)

And your husband has been looking at women with massive tits on Instagram. But he must like obese women, because they aren't size 8, or 20yrs old.

I hate to say it, but lots of people like and follow "extremes" because they are entertained by shock factor of it. The woman who had octuplets, has tonnes of "likes and followers" but it's not because people want that situation in their own life, it's so extreme, they can't stop looking. It's not that people are mocking her, or being unkind. But they aren't watching her because they want mother's tips. It's the curiosity of "how the hell does she get 8 in a buggy, I want to see that..."

Show quote history

Possibly. Who knows what’s going on in his mind. It’s all very odd but equally I feel a bit rude to women with those sorts of bodies (which sounds weird in itself that I’m even thinking like this!) just thinking it’s some shock value thing. I mean by the amount of followers and likes they have he’s clearly not alone in wanting to see that sort of thing and there must be an attraction element to it. He’s not sitting there liking shocking photos of feet with fungus or Dr Pimple stuff - shocking but non sexual in comparison.

Who knows. I’ve been in 4 long term relationships, married twice. Getting to
the point nothing surprises me anymore!

daisymoonlight · 20/04/2023 15:17

This is a really odd thread question. Of course many men arent attracted to obese women. Many are, most are not. I am not remotely attracted to obese men- I'm sorry but I'm just not. I am very into fitness and health as I like the look of a well toned, muscular body and thats what I find sexy. I am quite sure that you have certain types of man that you find more attractive than others - should we berate you about that? or find you weird? 🙄

Maia77 · 20/04/2023 15:22

Probably depends on the shape of the body. Some overweight women have a more of an hourglass shape and that can probably be seen as attractive. As opposed to no discernible waist etc..