Men not being attracted to obese women

[itchyhands3]

I've just watched a video by an' expert' emphatically saying that men do not as a rule find obese women attractive unless they have a specific fetish for obese women.

I don't know what to think for I would be considered obese on scales but certainly don't feel I look obese and consider myself relatively attractive and some men have expressed attraction towards me
.
I'm 5'7' and over thirteen and a half stone . Size 14-16 .I am 49.
This has really unsettled me for some reason. How insulting . But is it true ?

100% wanted relationships! Never been dumped.
Genuinely.
I've been proposed to a stupid amount of times.
It was always me that turned down anything serious.
I wish I could post a picture of myself because I'm honestly very average and fat and neither have ever held me back 😂

I think it's realistic to say that a majority of people are attracted to those who fall within a certain range size wise. There's no point fooling ourselves and saying it's not true just to try to feel better about it. I've always been fat and most men are absolutely not attracted to that. Or maybe I'm just fugly and have a shit personality too. 🤣

I've been married now for 25 years and if I'm being truly honest I'd say my husband loves who I am as a person, not what I look like. I'm not a physically attractive woman. At all.

Also, yes there are feeders who fetishise super morbidly obese people but I think that's a minority.

Why is he a twat?

Is he wrong? Do you think we should be shamed for not being attracted to overweight people?

Do you think that should be a sought out characteristic for everyone?

Obese men tend to have completely let themselves go they don’t make the effort at all. Unlike us obese women we will still dress nice, do hair etc which is why even though we are bigger we are still attractive

My bmi was 30, so just obese. I've lost a bit of weight since but men found me attractive. I dressed well for it and the fat was well proportioned. I don't think you're obese at that height and weight. I wouldn't expect men to fancy me if I was very obese though, the same as I wouldn't fancy a morbidly obese man.

In prehistoric times in a temperate climate, strong healthy bones would depend on absorption of sunlight for vitamin D. Hence northern European children often have blond hair, which darkens once they are adults and no longer growing bones. Blond hair would be an advantage in fertile young women, as they would absorb enough sunlight for their baby to grow strong bones too.

Of course these days, with vitamin D easily available through diet, and supplements, it is now irrelevant. But the sexual preference remains, on a population level, even if not in all european men..

and of course, the number of non-blond women who dye their hair blond is astronomical!

This is true, but I do find it interesting how sexist weight standards are. How many women can you think of who go around declaring outwardly how unattractive fat men are? Or how many incidents where there is controversy around someone's attractiveness based on weight are centred around men?

Almost all vitriol and "debate" (which is so ridiculous) about what is attractive weight wise is always centred on womens' bodies. I know everyone knows this already but just pointing out that it grinds my gears even more that there are men willing to jump up and declare on behalf of all men that a body type he doesn't find attractive is somehow empirically unattractive to all men who aren't weird perverts.

It's definitely true. Most men are attracted to slim, slightly curvy, or athletic women (maybe up to a size 16-18 if they're 5 ft 2 to 5 ft 8 as most women are.) The vast majority of men are not attracted to obese women - who are 5 or 6 stone or more overweight. They're really not. Many men will still be attracted to their wife if she gains 4-5 stone over the years/after having babies, but if they split up, and he is on the hunt for a new woman, he will not be looking for a woman who is 5 stone overweight. Doesn't happen.

I am middle-aged, and since the age of 15-16 my weight has ranged between 9 stone and 15 and a half stone... Currently somewhere in the middle. (I'm 5 foot 4.) When I was 13 and a half stone and over, not one single man ever looked at me or tried to chat me up, or showed a single bit of interest in me. Every single one that talked to me called me 'mate' to make sure, I didn't think for one second that he was interested in me. 😆

I spent a few years in my mid 30s (after having the kids) at around 14 to 15 stone. And then by the age of 40, I dropped to 11 stone. And also dropped four dress sizes. The whole time I'd been that heavier weight, (probably seven or eight years,) I didn't get a single look from any man... and I never got chatted up.

At the lighter weight and a drop into a size 14 in clothes, I got chatted up virtually once or twice a month by different men. Friends husbands, neighbours, men in public, colleagues, etc. No, I don't think I am any kind of special supermodel. This is what men do to young-ish attractive women - and I am more attractive when not obese... As are all women.

Plenty of women who are five or six stone overweight or more can look perfectly OK in the right clothes and still be quite attractive, but they are definitely look a lot more attractive slimmer. Also they are healthier.

Not on any planet do most men fancy obese women more than slimmer/curvy women. It's not attractive. And I say that somebody who's been up to over 15 stone and a size 22 to 24. Currently about 11 stone and a size 14. Around 50 ish in age and quite happy now. Still turn a few heads, but not as many as I used to.

As for the posters saying 'why do you care what men think' and 'why do you care if men fancy you or not?' PMSL !!! 😆All women, whether they admit it or not, want to look attractive and be thought of as attractive. And they want men to fancy them. Not being looked at/glanced at, and not being noticed by men is not something that women want. Women want to know that men fancy them. Don't deny it.

What a sexist thing to think! I know many very smart and well presented larger men.

I'm shocked you're shocked. I say this kindly, but if this gem has passed you by, I'd tread very cautiously with dating and be prepared for further revelations. You sound very naive.
You don't seem to have an issue with your weight (which is minor btw) so dip into the relationship board and do some background research to put you in a stronger position to navigate dating. You might even decide that atm dating not for you. Just like being fat, that's OK too.

There's a big difference as well, on someone having been married for 15yrs, had DC with their partner, an established relationship and home, who gradually became obese, Vs an obese person trying to meet someone.

The former state "I'm obese and happily married" but forget that at the point of the relationship starting, they were not.

Vast majority of people are less attracted to obese people. That's not insulting, it's ok to say you find someone unattractive. When people say they like curves, they're thinking Kelly Brooke (curves), not Beth Ditto (rolls). And I think this is where a grey area lies. I think a lot of obese people would call themselves curvy, then assume that people mean they find them attractive because people will openly say they like curves.

There's also this weird derogatory concept that if you don't like obese people, it's automatically because you want a "stick thin Instagram model" as if it can't possibly be a legitimate lack of attraction, it must be because someone is fussy, shallow, and seeking perfection only.

There will be exceptions, but exceptions do not make the rule.

I think this is all about the overall look-/package - if you are a bit chunky but have good boobs, dress well, nice hair, look like you bother , are confident and fun and are a size 22 or under there are always some men who will find you attractive - I see many good looking fit guys here in Bath with women who god forbid are at least a size 16. They are in all fairness usually pretty well presented though

Lots of people say that now, but it's not true at all. Ideals of beauty have always veered towards extremes.

In the historical examples I quoted above (Ruben era, Tang era, current 3rd world countries), the more morbidly obese the better – most definitely not just a bit of extra!

For a period in the 90s up till the 10s, the more stick thin the better, to a point that would definitely have impeded survival as a cavewoman. Lots of men I knew dated or lusted after such women too.

100% this. ^

Genuinely, in my experience and that of my very diverse looking group of friends......

Heterosexual men are not that picky.

People of the same BMI having different body shapes does not render the tool bollocks.
No one has said that overweight people (Brad and George) are not attractive.

Being more attractive doesn't mean there is only one way to be attractive.

The OP specifically asked about attractiveness, so that's what we're talking about.

OMG when I was dating there were loads of men who liked a larger lady. In fact I didn't get a second date with one guy as he admitted that was his preference and I'm more of the exhausted pipe shape 😂

Yes, he's wrong.

Not because some men, even the majority of men, aren't attracted to obese women. But because he's classed doing so as a fetish, not just a range of attraction.

I'm obese, size 18-20 +, my husbands sexual attraction to me is just that. It isn't a fetish. He isn't attracted to my fat but to me as a whole which includes large breasts, wide hips, long hair, nice eyes, shapely calves etc.

He's a twat because claiming to be an "expert" that can assert that men (as a populations of billions of people" categorically do not find "obese" (which is actually a huge category spanning from being around 24lbs over weight to hundreds of lbs over weight) women "attractive".

Shall I list all the things that are wrong with this?

• it homogenizes all women who fall into this category into one amorphous blob with no variation in appearance
• it reduces women's capability of attractiveness to physical characteristics alone. Forget personality, experiences, outlooks, values, humour, intelligence, charisma - if she fat she ain't where it's at. 🙄
• not only does it reduce women to their physical appearance, it goes even further to reduce them to one single, poorly defined, nebulous value
• other men don't give a fuck what a supposed "expert" says about whether women are attractive or not. They're not going to change their preferences based on whether a random man says these women aren't attractive. So who is this statement aimed at and what is its purpose? It's just to shame fat women and tell them that their fatness is a complete barrier to male attention and therefore intimacy

It is just pathetic, degrading nonsense. That is why I conclude that whoever said this is a massive twat.

I had a fairly long fling with an obese man! I was at a high level of conventional attractiveness back then, and my predecessor was a talented, classy, well-known beauty. He's now married to a slim & beautiful woman. He's still fat and now bald. He's got personality, innit, and a good brain. And was a very competent (if heavy) lover.

I expect it works both ways.

I also expect there will always be a ready supply of men telling women what's wrong with them!

Let's not pretend that fat people don't have fewer people attracted to them on the whole than less fat people. However let's also not pretend that fancying a fat person is a fetish, it's not.
also lets acknowledge that being obese at 13.5 stone looks very different to being obese at 20 stone.
I'm obese on the smaller end and have plenty of sexual interest. However my body looks very different at 12.5 stone than it does at 15.5. I've been both, both are obese but one is far more attractive than the other.

[applause] @TellMeTheMewth

*Ideals of beauty have always veered towards extremes.

In the historical examples I quoted above (Ruben era, Tang era, current 3rd world countries), the more morbidly obese the better – most definitely not just a bit of extra!

For a period in the 90s up till the 10s, the more stick thin the better, to a point that would definitely have impeded survival as a cavewoman.*

I think that’s true in terms of the shapes you would find in paintings, or fashion magazines. Artists like extremes. Not sure it’s so true in terms of who the average Joe would find attractive - especially if they saw that shape in real life as opposed to artfully posed and draped.

Size 14-16 since puberty. Always had male interest and quite a bit of it. Probably having massive boobs helps, but I've never had issues attracting men. I mean, I quite like a bit of meat with my gravy so it stands to reason that some men would too!

And "he" was incredibly wealthy?